I'm overruled | Imamother

amother

Tue, Feb 24 2015, 1:46 pm

I can't help wondering if you deal mostly with your son and you are the one who 'suffers', not your husband. We recently started our son on meds and the difference is so apparent. It doesn't solve all of his issues, but he is so improved. The dr. can work with you regarding side effects.

I hope you can get your son (and your husband) the help he needs.

Pooh

Tue, Feb 24 2015, 4:10 pm

imasinger wrote:

Wait, would DS cooperate and take the meds?? That's a different story. I was confused about who was adamant.

What if you found an excuse to go away with the other kids, and left DS and DH together for a week?

What if you became equally adamant, and told DH that either he let DS have medication trials, or you will put him permanently in charge of DS, and you will take an extra part time job to make it financially doable?

I don't think it is OK to deceive DH, but you certainly can become a mother tiger. In your shoes, I would.

I have said it before on this forum. To my mind, refusing to let a kid get the help they need is a red line issue, as serious a breach to SB as infidelity.

I was inA similar but different situation w my Dd. she needed time sensitive surgery to treat a disability and my husband wouldn't not let (for non controlling issues- we were hoping for a reversal of the condition and were busy trying things) as a mother knowing that every day delaying was super detrimental I was devastated. and obviously I was the one dealing w the issues involved w this child so I completely understand u. I did do some things behind his back (papers signing to enrol her in school when she got the surgery, therapy) but like u I couldnt go ahead w the surgery and it was super frustrating.
Imasinger I totally hear what ur saying abt the sb issue but until ur in the aituation U can't judge. The husband might have his reasons like mine did and just because we disagreed and he won for a while (even though I was right and I resent this delay deep down) it's still a really tough position to be in. And sometimes becoming a tiger mom didn't help either. I tried it all. He finally came around on his own and decided to tell me to book the surgery out of the blue. He noticed we were doing more damage than help by delaying and trying. I hope ur Dh also sees this soon and ur son gets the help he needs asap. Hugs

seeker

Tue, Feb 24 2015, 8:39 pm

Pooh wrote:

This is not about the husband having his reasons. This is about his refusal to communicate respectfully, negotiate, hear the other side. The wife is AFRAID of her husband's anger. I don't know if she's being meek or he's being scary, but either way this is more of a problem than "he might have his reasons." He has not even entered into conversation.

imasinger

Tue, Feb 24 2015, 8:58 pm

That's right.

OP has tried and tried to find other solutions. She has tried therapy, diet changes, parenting courses.

She has clearly done her hishtadlus and then some.

While I think it is worse to have a child with a life threatening condition who needs surgery, and a DH who refuses it, this situation is plenty painful.

Don't get me wrong with my tiger analogy. Confrontation and conflict may not be the first strategy. But if all other more diplomatic choices are tried, I don't think it should be ruled out.

A child's well being is on the line, and is currently held hostage to a parent's ego.

It is wrong. Very wrong.