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Forum -> Working Women
Are you a full-time worker AND full-time housekeeper?
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Do you work full time...
With help (husband, nanny, cleaning woman, etc)  
 70%  [ 40 ]
With NO help (you do all childcare and housework)  
 29%  [ 17 ]
Total Votes : 57



amother


 

Post Fri, Feb 27 2015, 1:55 pm
...With little kids...?

I have two young children who are about to start school. I'm thinking of returning to work full-time, and I'm wondering if it's manageable.

My husband works long hours (little pay), so he's not around to help with childcare, housework or errands (even if he were around more, he wouldn't help much more).

Are any of you here doing both, working full time AND ALL the childcare and housework? Is it possible?

I want to work full time so I can bring home a little more income. So hiring a nanny isn't an option. I want to know if, and how, this can be done.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 27 2015, 2:07 pm
I would not be able to do it. It depends on your energy level and level of neatness and organization and of course your expectations for how your house will look and what you will eat. Could you work and hire some help? Like even 2-3 hours a week of cleaning help or could you buy takeout once a week, etc
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 27 2015, 2:12 pm
It's doable if you're fine with having pasta, eggs, and frozen pizza for dinner pretty often.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Feb 27 2015, 2:14 pm
It's doable.. depending on your standards and energy level. I don't have much energy, so I basically neglect the house. Except for Shabbos, suppers are scrambled eggs, cut up veggies, sandwiches, fishsticks, cereal, Shabbos leftovers.. you get the idea.

And you may feel like a shmatta.

Just to add, when I had 2 kids, I was managing way better. Now I BH have 4 and am not managing very well. I also basically do all my shopping online (including groceries).

Do you *need* the extra income or would just find it more comfortable? Because you may find yourself buying more convenience foods, feeling more stressed, etc.
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lovingmother




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 27 2015, 3:07 pm
I've been doing it for years. Personally I can't stand it and I wouldn't recommend it for fun, but it is definitely doable. If your kids are school age then they are somewhat independent it might not be that bad. I've always had little kids, which makes it harder, but older kids can clean up after themselves, serve themselves already cooked pasta if you need to be doing something else, take their own shower, etc. I do it b/c I need to pay my kids tuition, I guess you have to ask yourself what you need this money for if you have been ok until now. Agree with amother that house gets neglected often and pasta is dinner often. But I also make a lot of homemade snacks, and my kids manage to have clean clothes to wear every day so it is doable
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amother


 

Post Fri, Feb 27 2015, 4:20 pm
OP here.

As is, as a SAHM, my house is never spotless - far from it. Managing by me (as I hopefully do now) means washing laundry at least once a week (a bonus if it doesn't lay around all week waiting to be folded), decent dinners (nothing fancy, but not tuna sandwiches) 4 out of 5 weeknights, basic shabbos meals done (fish, cholent), washing floors once a week... Something like that. I just need the house to function at the minimum.

If all that can be done AND STAY SANE, I'll do it.

My kids are too young to take care of themselves. That means I need to send them off to school, be home when they come home, dress them, bathe them, feed them, clean after them... Basically everything.

I don't need anything to be perfect. Not the food, not the house, not the laundry (I never iron). But I do get stressed extremely fast, and I don't want to have a nervous breakdown. Even without working, I feel like I'm falling apart sometimes.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 27 2015, 4:26 pm
Why can't you work and hire some help? You will still be making money. You may actually find that your house is in a better state and you are less overwhelmed if you work and have some cleaning help (versus being a sahm without any help). I much prefer to work and have some extra money for cleaning/ take out.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Feb 27 2015, 5:21 pm
tichellady wrote:
Why can't you work and hire some help? You will still be making money. You may actually find that your house is in a better state and you are less overwhelmed if you work and have some cleaning help (versus being a sahm without any help). I much prefer to work and have some extra money for cleaning/ take out.


I agree with tichelady. If you are able to find help at $10hr (I think that's the going rate), and you make $16hr after taxes, you"ll definitely be ahead of the game. You"ll have a clean home and be able to be a better mom and wife. I'm not suggesting to have her everyday, but 2x a week for 8hrs will keep your home in tip top shape, and still give you extra income.
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Mrs Bissli




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 28 2015, 6:30 pm
I answered 'with help' (full time nanny while children were younger, now just after-school). To be honest, it is not the house chores that I need help, as I do all cooking anyway, we have a cleaning lady but just a few hours once a week to spot clean and iron with DH doing bulk of other cleaning.

The reason I need help is mainly because of work hours + commute and children's school schedule. OP, are you thinking of working from home? Because I don't know how you can call it full-time if you're planning to be home when the children gets home from school (around 3:30pm or 4pm), and look after then when they're unwell or during school holidays. It would be far more prudent to have a back-up childcare plan just in case, unless you have close family members you can rely on.
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amother


 

Post Sat, Feb 28 2015, 7:12 pm
Mrs Bissli wrote:


OP, are you thinking of working from home? Because I don't know how you can call it full-time if you're planning to be home when the children gets home from school (around 3:30pm or 4pm), and look after then when they're unwell or during school holidays. It would be far more prudent to have a back-up childcare plan just in case, unless you have close family members you can rely on.


No not from home. You're right, I guess there's no way I can work full-time if I don't have a babysitter/nanny to be there for them when they get home from school. I don't have family they can go to.
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amother


 

Post Sat, Feb 28 2015, 8:24 pm
Its doable. You can put up dinners in the slow cooker-- freeze uncooked prepared dinner meals in slow cooker bags or prepare the night before and put it on in the morning before you leave house. Make double batches so you dont have to do it every night and you can find tons of ideas online.

Hire someone to look after your kids have them bathe, eat dinner and take a bath. This person can also clean and do laundry. Its would only be about 3 hours a day maybe less and is not expensive perhaps 15 dollars an hour. If you make around $500-600 a week then its totally doable and worth it.
Ive done this and it really worked great.
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iamamother




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 28 2015, 8:26 pm
anyone who has a DH in full time kollel and works does this. my DH is in kollel and I work full time with very little help from him and have 2 little kids... I personally feel like I am drowning...
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musicmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 01 2015, 12:18 am
YUp! Wink I work full time and I have 4 kids under 5. I pumped at work for every kid. It's possible.
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Capitalchick




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:34 am
I wouldn't just accept the notion that my husband simply can't help out more. He can. Even little things help.
For me, I would prefer to spend money on cleaning help, rather than have the extra $ in my pocket and hate my life.
Resign yourself to simple, breakfast-like dinners....yogurt, fruits, veggies, cheese, pasta, fries, etc. Also, bathe the kids every other day. Make a strong rule that the kids play and keep all of their toys in ONE room of the house, therefore you're not always dealing with a fully disastrous house.
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Ms.MaryMack(inblack)




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 01 2015, 12:41 pm
I work full time without help. Depends on the day my house ranges from very clean (right before shabbos and motzie shabbos) to War Zone (Thursday night, especially if we are having guests) It bothers me, but I can't handle the thought of someone folding my laundry or bathing my kids. I like to do things myself.....
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 01 2015, 1:41 pm
I work full time with very occasional help. At the most a few hours every 3 weeks - month. Some weeks DH is crazy busy and others he can help during the day. I have a 4 year old and a baby. DH is self employed but when hes not working hes doing child care so its not always so easy for him to get certain things done.

It works mainly because I work 15 minutes from my house. When I come home at night I dont feel like a shmatta. I alternate freezer meals/quick things I can put up when I get home and the crockpot.

I do a decent clean up motzei shabbos and sunday morning so the rest of the week is maintenance.

I have given up all formality and could care less if dinner is served on paper plates out of the foil pan I cooked it in. (this took me a long time).

I want a reasonably clean house and yummy dinners so I focus on that and let other stuff slide.
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Mrs Bissli




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 01 2015, 1:51 pm
iamamother wrote:
anyone who has a DH in full time kollel and works does this. my DH is in kollel and I work full time with very little help from him and have 2 little kids... I personally feel like I am drowning...


Yes DH was in kollel and I worked full time while children were much smaller. I made sure he pitch in his work, things he could do when he wasn't learning. Personally I'm really not a fan of any spouse ducking out of his/her basic responsibility to look after themselves and family because of long working hours/study/playing games on computer.
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buzz




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2015, 2:52 am
I leave the house at 8 and come home at 4.30 pm with all 4 kids aged 2.5-7.

I also work average 4 hours or more a night on school preparation. I teach two classes and even though I have taught for 12 years I work very hard on each and every lesson.

I have no cleaning help and my hubby in kollel. He does help me when he is home with the kids bedtime and making the beds in the morn etc

I exercise every single morn at 6 am for an hr(twice a week at gym) and and half hr at home,

It is extremely full on but I love it Smile
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2015, 4:07 am
Sounds like you'd enjoy getting out of the house, OP. Once you're making some money, you could hire housecleaning help if you need it. As far as meals, I grew up on crockpot recipes, simple microwave meals, and cereal. Food doesn't have to be such a big deal that you have to stay at home so you can cook a wholesome meal every day. There is more to life than serving our family. Get out there, find a job you can enjoy, and live your own life, not just as mother.

I just can't help but encourage you, if you're up to it. Don't be a Stuck At Home Mother (SAHM) if you can help it. Just try to be home with enough time to give your kids some daily attention, and be sure to focus on them on shobbos.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2015, 8:56 am
chani8 wrote:
Sounds like you'd enjoy getting out of the house, OP. Once you're making some money, you could hire housecleaning help if you need it. As far as meals, I grew up on crockpot recipes, simple microwave meals, and cereal. Food doesn't have to be such a big deal that you have to stay at home so you can cook a wholesome meal every day. There is more to life than serving our family. Get out there, find a job you can enjoy, and live your own life, not just as mother.

I just can't help but encourage you, if you're up to it. Don't be a Stuck At Home Mother (SAHM) if you can help it. Just try to be home with enough time to give your kids some daily attention, and be sure to focus on them on shobbos.


You're right on target. However we could use the money, so I won't be going to work just "to get out".

Working full time would mean being out from 8:30-6. Then coming home and tackling dinner, tantrums, baths and everything else. I feel so overwhelmed just thinking about it. I could really use some encouragement.

I never make grand dinners. I always try using as few pots as possible - usually just stick a pan in the oven. But everything takes time. Maybe we'll try the breakfast-style dinners for a week and see how it goes.

And how does it work? Do I find a nanny first or find a job first? I know I tend to overthink things. But I don't like jumping into situations without being prepared. Do I find a nanny and say "now wait around until I find a job", or find a job but don't start until I find a nanny...? Sorry. I could really use simple step by step guidance. I think I've been in the rut for too long, that I'm too scared to get out.
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