Vent - my guests ate my MM cookies

amother

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:39 am

The cookies were in my freezer. They were decorated with icing and writing. They are not so easy to redo. I was napping. Once the bag came out, my kids and their friends joined in. My kids know not to help themselves. They didn't realize I didn't put the bag out.

Do I have to mark everything in my kitchen - don't touch?

If anyone knows how to turn down guests please tell me.

GF, I agree fresh is better. When am I supposed to make fresh and assemble the baskets?

amother

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:48 am

Omg!!!!! That is horrible. You were responsible to make stuff early and now you're stuck a couple of days before. But more than that what were they thinking going into your freezer?! And you can tell the difference between cookies for shabbos afternoon snack and something fancier.

amother

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:56 am

did you bake these cookies or were they custom made cookies?

I know the frustration. One Sukkos had a guest who ate the first day Yom Tov my 2 cakes meant to last till Chol hamoed (think 9*13 pan). When I made again for second days (Shemini atzeres and simchas Torah) I hid the pans in the freezer and left a small tray in the fridge for each day. He was told he can take from the tray in the fridge only. I refilled throughout the day in small amounts- enough for the guest and my family to snack on, yet enough to have for the next few days.

amother

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 9:06 am

amother wrote:

I made them, and I was very proud. They are iced and decorated. I watched videos on how to. I spent hours icing them Friday. I made roses from fondant to decorate them. I could cry.

These guests were for sleepover ONLY, yet I gave them breakfast and left out hamentashen and meringues for them.

Any idea on how to tell people NO I do not want your guests in my house in a friendly way.

imasinger

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 9:06 am

Oy, what a shame!

Let it be for a kapparah.

Yes, you will do better if you always label "Saving for X, Please Do Not Touch" on anything that matters. You can print out a sheet of labels with the occasion left blank, and keep them in the kitchen, where it will take 2 seconds to affix them when needed.

Trust me, as your kids get older, you will be glad you labeled things! Smile

amother

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 9:28 am

imasinger wrote:

My kids are teenagers and know not to take unless I put things out. It was only because the cookies were put out that they took.

animeme

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 9:45 am

I think that while people have good suggestions for you as to how to help ensure such a thing won't happen again, that doesn't mean you were remiss in not doing these things the first time. Cookies in the freezer are not to be eaten without permission. That's a generally accepted rule. Guests don't open their host's freezer without permission. Another rule.

To me this is like a natural disaster. Go ahead and mourn them. Then, if you can, move on to "there must be a reason it happened this way, and I'll probably never know it."

Finally, here's your line: "I can't host this week. Wish I could, but I can't." Why not? "This isn't a good week for us." And then done, even if they insist it will be no trouble at all. Repeat, "Sorry, but no." I have a feeling it will be easier than it used to be for you to say this now.

greenfire

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 9:46 am

so they weren't even your guests ... but you were hosting someone else's guests ... how / why would they go into your freezer ?!

how can you be sure who took them out of said freezer with so many teens running amok ...

the way to avoid guests is to say "NO" ... but does this only apply when you have yummies hidden in the freezer ?

southernbubby

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 10:19 am

We don't know much about the guests themselves, were they your guests or did someone ask you to house them so that they could attend a local simcha? Who were they visiting? Would the guests agree to pay for the cookies that they took without permission? Ask a rav before talking about them to the person who asked you to host them to avoid a shaila of Lashon hara but maybe the person who asked you to host them would cover the expense that they caused.

I once was asked to host someone over Pesach for sleeping and she was a difficult guest. The next year I was asked again and I told the asker that we could not make a yearly thing out of it because my family did not enjoy the extra company. Eventually, no one wanted to host her and she could not make Detroit her Pesach stop.

Guests who don't respect boundaries should not expect to be invited back. Hostesses are doing a big mitzvah but they don't have to accept abuse.

greenfire

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 10:25 am

southernbubby wrote:

I once was asked to host someone over Pesach for sleeping and she was a difficult guest. The next year I was asked again and I told the asker that we could not make a yearly thing out of it because my family did not enjoy the extra company. Eventually, no one wanted to host her and she could not make Detroit her Pesach stop.

omg I had a similar request for succos - to host someone who is really related to other peoples - so I'm like what happened to them ... apparently she burnt her bridges & there came my answer - if your own family can't handle you why would I be able to tolerate it [besides I was expecting some chaos around dd getting engaged]

you really have to know when to say "NO"

southernbubby

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 10:36 am

greenfire wrote:

I could write a book of such stories. We used to have every emotionally challenged guest who rolled into town, sometimes for weeks at a time. Eventually it wore us out. My husband said it was time to close the asylum. Shabbos was his only day of rest and he need it for just that purpose. Our children also did not enjoy the constant "out of boundaries" guests. It was hard to say "no" at first but I used my husband's need for rest as the excuse and didn't let anyone wear me down with their manipulative requests. I don't see today's younger generation being so eager to allow their houses to be used as homeless shelters, hotels, psychiatric facilities, etc. I think that the days of hosting those crass guests that dive into the freezer to take what isn't theirs, is over.

greenfire

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 10:41 am

last pesach I was going to put up a sign 'wacky house' because my dd, my little friend & then to top it off the x-mil had decided she too would stay by me instead of the dxh ... I'm not sure if 3 under one roof would work

I guess I'm tolerant enough they gravitate to me ... or just wacko enough

southernbubby

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 10:46 am

greenfire wrote:

That is our generation that is so kind and accepting. I don't think that our dds or our ds's are going to have such "open homes." Sometimes people put on their shidduch resumes that they want to have "open homes" and I wonder if that means that they are willing to have those guests who don't respect boundaries.

amother

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 10:47 am

southernbubby wrote:

They were very close family of one of my neighbors. The neighbors have a very full house. The guests are a young couple who obviously don't know boundaries.

I wouldn't ask the guests to pay because they are not well off. Also I want to give homemade instead of bought.

My problem is how to say no in the future. When I say this is not a good weekend, then they ask when a good weekend is. One family had a rabbi call me up and give me a lecture how important it is to host. I have been asked for Pesach about a month ago by that family. I originally said no and then changed my mind when pressured by the Rabbi.