Vent - my guests ate my MM cookies

JAWSCIENCE

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 2:12 pm

amother wrote:

He said Abraham put off talking to Hashem when strangers came. That's how important it is to host.

Abraham was hosting people who were in midst of necessary travels with nowhere else to go. NOT people who have lovely homes of their own who want to visit friends or attend a simcha in town. As all ready pointed out. Abraham was doing hachnasas orchim and what people today are calling hachnasas orchim is really chesed.

Using a distorted example from the Torah to blackmail someone who is not even your congregant to suit your own needs regardless of their own personal situation is ludicrous. I would hang up on him or not pick up if he calls again. You don't have to give an excuse or justify why your reason is more important than Abraham's. You do not need to divulge your personal info to others. Just because you have an extra room does not make it communal property requiring you to give out personal information when you want to say no to guests.

FTR, it sounds like you have been getting guests that are very abnormal. I have never heard of such weird goings on. I would hate to give up hosting but would instead try to find a way to make it work. And no, locking your freezer or trying to think of every nutcase thing a guest might do and then be clear about that rule, is not fair to you. Who would ever think a guest would go into your liquor cabinet? or your freezer? Do we have to be clear guests can't thrown parties, be axe murders or take home the furnishings as souvenirs too? I would simply refuse to host the guest of a certain family if any previous guest of theirs has done something clearly outside social norms. Tell them "in the past you have sent me guests that behaved very inappropriately and resulted to damage to my home and shalom bayis. I therefore cannot host your guests again since it is clear they are not screened appropriately". zehu.

It really sounds like they are sending you the weirdos they don't want to have to deal with themselves.

JAWSCIENCE

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 2:15 pm

amother wrote:

It would embarrass the couple. The MIL is tough and would come down way too hard on them. They are not rotten apples - just young and clueless.

I am baking more cookies now. At least there is time before Purim.

I would rather no one knows why I stop with the sleep over guests.

I know it might embarrass them, but I think you should tell the couple that what they did was not apropraite. Otherwise they will never learn and it might make it easier that it comes from you, a person they don't know and don't ever have to deal with again, than their MIL. It is really weird to go into another persons cabinets and freezer and lay out food for everyone to eat as if this was your house.

southernbubby

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 2:18 pm

The person's travels might be necessary but not everyone is equally capable of hosting and there is no absolute obligation. It is one of those mitzvahs that does not have a prescribed amount.

My son was once stranded at Heathrow Airport because of a volcano in Iceland. The London and Golder's Green communities totally made themselves available to stranded Jewish passengers and the yeshiva opened their doors to all bochrim. They could have told everyone to go to a hotel.

amother

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 2:18 pm

Raisin wrote:

clueless is finishing off the cheesecake you meant for the whole family. Going to the freezer and finding carefully iced cookies and eating them is a whole new level of clueless. Did you say something to the young couple?

I don't think you should stop hosting because of this. If there are other reasons you can't host, then don't. But not because of two people without boundaries.

I didn't say anything.

greenfire

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 2:23 pm

southernbubby wrote:

cleveland was once zoche to a similar mitzva

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com......html

allrgymama

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 8:06 pm

OP, I'm so sorry. I also give out homemade MM and I would have been devastated if something like this had happened to me.

I used to have a problem with the ways that certain people behaved towards me and I made it a point of my personal growth about two/three years ago to interact with people on the basis that other ppl can't know what's okay/not okay in their interactions with if I don't tell them. It was very difficult in the beginning, but it's become much more natural.

I would call up the MIL and say 'Someone left an article of clothing in our house that we think might belong to your child-in-law. Can I please have a phone number where I can reach them to find out if it's theirs?"

Then you call them up, explain the pretense that you're calling under (should MIL call to find out if it was their article of clothing) and then get to the real reason of your call.

This is a loss on many levels (of time, money, effort, etc) and should certainly be addressed.

Good luck!

southernbubby

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 8:20 pm

allrgymama wrote:

The only thing is, does she have to put any more time, energy, or efforts into these kids? Would they even listen politely? I could see doing it if they visit regularly but if it was a one time thing? Sounds like she has her own teenagers to tangle with.

allrgymama

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 8:42 pm

southernbubby wrote:

I certainly would, but then again, people are always telling me to leave well enough alone, so maybe I'm the wrong person to ask.