Spin on Purim Depression

greenfire

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 6:57 am

Everybody is so busy with purim that some of us are left standing [drinking & wobbling] all alone.

You see if you're like me you begin to get depressed from what once used to feel like a festive holiday.

The dxh used to get drunk - it's after all a mitzva - the kids need to be chauffeured around - we need to make them happy after all. Then the kids grow up. Friends have their own family with their own drunk husbands and their own kvetchy kids that need to run amok giving out shalach manos. They don't want you in their way.

You try to make a purim seuda - yeah I really tried one year but everybody had a place to be or someone drunk at home. [at least those were the excuses]

Some shuls have gatherings. Most gatherings cost monies you don't have to spend/waste. Some are too late and too far to get to. Crowds make me depressed because everybody seems to have somebody and you feel more alone.

So you figure it's purim I'll put on a happy face Clown

and get drunk. But what use is it when the truth sets in and you realize you really are all alone.

So if anybody asks why I'm not doing purim this year. There you have one good reason. [Although I might still make hamentash & eat them all alone or at best share them with Jose Cuervo]

Scrabble123

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 9:36 am

Hello, Greenie. I really get you. BH I have never suffered from depression and am not the type to "actually be depressed," but I always find myself having to push extra hard before and during yom tov to stay on track, focused, and not really think about yom tov alone. It's not so much the alone part: I don't mind the alone, but it's the not really feeling yom tov. Since I'm divorced and do not yet have kids and am a BT so do not have family to celebrate with, yom tov just often ends up lacking that "yom tov essence," although I do eat the seuda, pass out the required MM, etc. which means that I did celebrate Purim the correct way! I also really don't like being a guest, especially Purim when there are so many drunk individuals around, so I eat my seudas myself, hear the megilla and basically just do whatever it is I can to stay busy with something else. I find that it really helps to cognitively distract myself: I do work, I have a schedule, etc. etc. If I didn't, I know that I would feel uchy and that I'd worry about what my plans are for Pesach which is a huge stresser for me because I cannot eat the seder in my house. Well, it's not about me.. I just wanted to tell you that I understand you and feel along. You'll get through it Smile

chani8

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 12:02 pm

I usually get irritable and have depressive thoughts right before every holiday. I think it's a stress reaction for me. It's really hard to push through it.

Your struggle is very real, that struggle against loneliness. Greenfire, we must push those downer thoughts away.

Can we make a pact? You, me, and everyone else here who struggles for one reason or another on this holiday. That we push away the negative thoughts. Replace those bad thoughts with good wishes for each other.

I'm sitting here, hoping that in one hour, I'll have the strength to get my butt to the women's megillah reading. Push me out the door, ok? Send me some koach, and I'll send it back at you, too. We're in this together!

Scrabble123

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 12:11 pm

chani8 wrote:

:arrow:

Explanation:

Director

= Me encouraging you (much nicer than the emoji)
:arrow: = To go to
Study

= The Megilla reading!
Wave

= Enjoy yourself!

PinkFridge

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 12:25 pm

Something just occured to me.
It's a mitzvah to be happy on Purim (and in Adar in general).
There's also the concept of lefum tzaara agra.
So for everyone out there who has cause to be down, if you do have moments of simcha, your sechar because of the effort in getting there, and/or having the perspective to appreciate the simcha is immeasurable! Tizku l'mitzvos and hatzlacha!

PinkFridge

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:43 pm

greenfire wrote:

last year I painted a clown on ... went out to visit an old-age home ... yeah it's just not going to work I can't bring myself to pretend

plus megillah reading was dreadful & noisy at shul

the year before nobody wanted to come to my party ...

this year it just seems pointless

I'm sure that sending in the clowns Music

is appreciated but you can leave it at home.

Sanguine

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 5:23 pm

Not such a bad Purim here but things just turned bad so I'm glad I found a place for Purim kvetching. I don't really Love Purim, but my kids are big (14-26) and I just enjoy watching them. So Today my son the chayal came home. Wasn't supposed to come home till tomorrow so that was a nice surprise. He always adds so much extra life to the house. He was supposed to be home till Sunday morning. so after we ate he went out to wherever kids go on Purim night. Visiting friends, maybe a party, maybe his Yeshiva... So now he just called me. He has to go back to the army in the morning. Won't be home for Purim. Won't be home for Shabbat. And... Can I please throw his army clothes in the wash? (Yech), he'll dry them when he gets home. I'm not sure why I'm so bummed out about this. But I am (maybe cause I was counting on him to help tomorrow)

Part 2 - This happened while I was writing the first part. My 17 yo son's friend called from the Yeshiva Purim party. We have to come pick him up cause he's drunk. He did this in 9th grade too. (Now he's in 12th - Time to live it up!!). In 9th grade it was pretty funny. a friend's mother came to pick up her son and drove my son home too. My son wouldn't get out of the car so they sent another kid (one that we didn't know) to get us. So there I am fast asleep at 2 AM and I wake up cause our door is open and there's someone standing there saying something like I'm from the Yeshiva you have to come get your son. I was HUH!! Where is he? Is he hurt? He said He's drunk (I never saw a drunk before). I asked did he destroy the school? It was sort of surreal. This conversation with this strange boy standing in our bedroom door in the dark. (DH said from now we're going to sleep in the nude on Purim night if these Yeshiva boys are going to just surprise us in our bedroom in the middle of the night Wink

). So the Chayal is out with the car and the friend in Yesiva keeps calling and saying we have to come for him so I woke up DH and told him to go find someone he can wake to borrow their car for a few minutes now.

Never a dull minute here

greenfire

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 5:39 pm

Sanguine wrote:

So Today my son the chayal came home. He has to go back to the army in the morning. . And... Can I please throw his army clothes in the wash?... I'm not sure why I'm so bummed out about this. But I am

probably cause you miss him and expected a little more than eat / laundry / run ...

Sanguine wrote:

...So there I am fast asleep at 2 AM and I wake up cause our door is open and there's someone standing there saying something like I'm from the Yeshiva you have to come get your son. I was HUH!! ... (DH said from now we're going to sleep in the nude on Purim night if these Yeshiva boys are going to just surprise us in our bedroom in the middle of the night Wink

)...

gotta love your dh's solution ... so much for sobriety / tznius & all that jazz Twisted Evil

Sanguine

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 5:43 pm

So here's part 3 - DH came back with DS and three of his friends. Good thing he brought them they cause they had to carry him all up to his bed (he's close to unconscious). So there he is sleeping in my flowered dress like a good drunk. (The flowered dress has been a Purim costume for years). They say he threw up in school. He better not do that here.

What a fun holiday Cheers

greenfire

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 5:47 pm

Sanguine wrote:

not sure what to think about the flowered dress ... but one thing I do know is that you are going to have to check on him & keep checking on him because if he drank to toxic levels - well it could be dangerous

also make him drink water, gatorade - liquids to flush out the toxins and rehydrate him Drunken Smile

PinkFridge

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 5:57 pm

Sanguine wrote:

I hope he's not a future chayal because I hope Moshiach will be here and the IDF will be a big yeshiva/chesed organization/pick your fantasy or any combination thereof.
But from now on, every time I see a chayal I'm going to age regress him and put him in his mother's flowered dress ;-)
May your older son come back soon, safely, and for good.

Sanguine

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 6:12 pm

OK - DH came back from driving the friends home. I told him we have to make DS drink (water). We don't really have much experience in drinking (we make kiddush on grape juice). But my older son's had a still bubbling in our extra bathroom shower where he was making beer. Tonight we drank it. I liked it and I don't like beer which means that real beer drinkers won't like it.

The flowered dress. Black with big colored flowers. I bought it cheap one year and it was a nice summer Friday night dress. One year one of my kid decided that they needed it for Purim and it's gone around the whole family every year (I stopped wearing it.) The other dress they like is a neighbor had this really nauseating pink gown with bows down the back. She wore it to her prom (?) and to her husband's college graduation. She's that type. Well that dress will never ever fit her again so I actually first borrows it for my daughter's Bat Mitzva which was a Purim Seuda and I wanted a costume that I would look nice in. So I was Queen Esthe in that beautiful gown. after that it joined my Purim box and my boys love wearing it on Purim (are you getting worried about my boys?)

So it's 1 AM here and we're waiting for Chayal son and daughter to get home. Chayal will make his brother get up and drink.