A text from my 2 year olds Morah

debsey

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:32 pm

OPINIONATED wrote:

There is a huge difference between a private playgroup and a public school. Obviously a private playgroup in not as professional as a public school. At the same time, frum parents are choosing private playgoups over a public day care.

My daughter went to a private playgroup. When she had a behavior issue (shoving another little girl) the morah sent home a note in her backpack that said - I need to discuss a concern about your DC. Here is my number and here are times that I am available. Please call me.

When I called, she told me about the shoving in professional language, gave her recommendation for how she'd like to handle it, and asked me for input.

I agreed with the plan. She put it in place, and the problem was solved.

The teacher saying to you "Dear Mrs. X, there is a concern about DCX, please call....etc" and then when you call saying something like "Your DC is a wonderful little boy, so cute and creative. I've been noticing that he may have a sensory seeking problem - he likes to lick people and things. How would you prefer I handle it?" would not be offensive to you.

But the text, the misspellings, the over-the-top language......THAT is the problem.

Many in home daycares are accredited. The one I send to is. Maybe that makes the difference, I don't know.

But I second every single recommendation to take your son out of the playgroup.

saboni

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 6:11 pm

I'm so sorry - I would feel terrible if I received such a text. Hugs.
That said, your son sounds very normal. The teacher sounds very immature and unstable. I wouldn't bring your kid back there ever again.
He will be much happier elsewhere and you will have a lighter heart! Hatzlacha!

Dina_B613

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 6:54 pm

Her text wasn't tactful or phrased helpfully, but the clincher is:

"I'm not a policeman and that's what I feel I am. He's dangerous to be around."

Nope. Sorry. You've crossed the line, "morah," and you're completely nuts and out of line. He's a 2 year-old... if he's such a danger, you should have kicked him out before and shouldn't be sending text messages.

amother

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 7:46 pm

hi I am a playgroup Morah. I cant imagine ever sending such a cruel text to a parent. Yes there are kids who I have a hard time with, no I would never talk like that to a parent, I work hard to find solutions that will help my playgroup kids with sensory issues. And I am a morah who works from home, not licensed. Not licensed doesnt mean untrained btw. I have training and plenty of expereince.

I am sorry OP, I dont blame you for feelng upset . I think your sons morah must either be having a really bad day and letting it out on you, but that still doesnt excuse her behaviour. If you dont mind me asking, did she have good recommendations? and even more than that, does her assistant recommend her? Because often parents think that the morah is great, but they dont spend the whol;e day with her, their child does, and the child doesnt talk properly yet. if her assistnat says she is great, then dont rush ot pull him out.

My final thought is that if she works alone, you must remove your child from the group, she clearly has a really bad attitude towards him and you do not want him in that position . Poor baby. hugs to you both. I am sure your son is beyond adorable and it really hurts to hear such negativity from the morah. I would also have been in floods of tears if it was me.

amother

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 9:36 pm

I was a preschool morah. That's not a way to talk to a parent. Part of the job is to make sure parents felt good to leave their children with you and for them to know you're working with them for their child.
It sounds like this woman is not cut out for her job and is stressed and c'v your son could suffer, especially since she's chosen to blame her stress on him, an adorable little 2 year old!! Find him a place where the morah loves her job and the kids.

wifemother

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 11:14 pm

Remove your child from this playgroup. Last year I got bad vibes from my daughters morah, but didn't do anything about it for various stupid reasons. I feel terrible about the stress and anguish I caused her, specially when I see how much better she is doing this year, without that crazy morah. I'll never know how much damage she did, but hopefully my dd was young enough to move on. I will never forget though.
So if you could learn from my mistake, that would be great.

amother

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 11:40 pm

I am an OT. and l looooove (sarcastic) how every tom d!ck and harry think they know what sensory issues are. Could be your kid has them, maybe he doesn't, but just b/c he is licking things it doesn't mean a blessed thing. She is pretending to be a professional and she could ruin your kid that way. And the policeman thing is bizarre. Of course you shouldn't really say this but this is what I would love to say
"Hi Morah, thanks for your input. I had my son evaluated by a professional due to your recommendation. It turns out that kids who are being cared for by extremely incompetent people display the behaviors that you are seeing every day."

Grandma 1

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 9:22 am

aleph wrote:

Terrible! I would NEVER let my kid set foot in there again. Send her a text back saying "Your lack of professionalism, sensitivity, and appropriateness is shocking. My son will not be returning to your group anymore."

I would also include a copy of all the above comments, so she can see how others judge her behavior.

strawberry cola

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 11:11 pm

Dont send him back even one more time.
At age 2, does he even need a playgroup at all? Perhaps you should look for a warm baby-sitter who is watching another child or two- that's enough to fill the social needs of a child that age- and offers great toys, lots of patience, and an airy playspace.
Hatzlacha rabah, and wishing you much nachas.

debsey

Fri, Mar 06 2015, 12:38 am

amother wrote:

I agree that it's annoying when people play therapist and "diagnose" all sorts of things based on reading one article in the Binah or whatever.....but I think it's fine for a teacher to say "your child seems sensory seeking" or "The last time a girl in my class had so much trouble with aleph bais, she turned out to need an audiologist, maybe mention it to the pediatrician..." or whatever. Referring is fine - diagnosing and using that diagnosis to pathologize a kid - that's where a little knowledge becomes a dangerous thing.......

amother

Fri, Mar 06 2015, 12:18 pm

OP here

I am working to find him a new group/Morah but its not easy in this town..
Does anyone in lakewood know of a group that would take him at this part of the year?

I wish I could send her to this forum to see how everyone responded but that is not what this is about. Its about my DS and finding a better place for him.
And about validating my feelings Very Happy

GreenEyes26

Sat, Mar 07 2015, 9:10 pm

Remove your child ASAP. Even if your kid did have a legitimate issue and was "dangerous" to other kids (really? at 2?) this is an unacceptable way to approach the problem.

Like other posters have said, this sounds like illegal glorified babysitter situation. Please consider putting your child in an accredited, professional daycare for the future. It's worth the extra money for the peace of mind.

solo

Sat, Mar 07 2015, 10:26 pm

this reminds me of my sons Morah last yr. I was in the process of having my son evaluated. I was having a hard time with a difficult pg and a baby at home so I kept thinking let me just get through the yr. ultimately, 2 weeks before Purim, she called me one day when my son was home sick, and told me her day was so much more pleasant without him! And if I hired a girl to watch him while he's at playgroup she might consider allowing him to return.
I knew I couldn't send him back even if it meant keeping him home the rest of they yr.
I am so happy she threw him out- sort of. And so guilty that I didn't do it sooner. I found a place for the last two months of the yr. he did so well. The behaviors she claimed he was exhibiting were never seen by his playgroup or nursery Morahs or camp counselors!! I'll never know what was going on in that basement. But maybe ds just felt the tension. No child should have to feel disliked by his Morah.
My suggestion is: don't send ur son back for another day even if it means keeping him home.

Sat, Mar 07 2015, 10:57 pm

GreenEyes26 wrote:

I have sent to a total of five illegal glorified babysitter situations, and couldn't have been happier! You don't have to be licensed to be knowledgable and caring. (and I had plenty of obnoxious teachers in my career as a student in a licensed, professional school) You need a good teacher, not the license.