What would you do?

amother

Fri, Mar 13 2015, 1:25 pm

Between us, my husbands 5 sisters and I have a lot of boys so we decided when my first nephew reached bar mitzvah to pool together for every single boy and they would each get the same thing: a silver becher engraved with his name. The first bar mitzvahed nephew got his gift on time, wrapped and with a hand written card. My ds was next a year later ... but he didn't get anything. 2 years later, my next ds had a barmitzvah ... he also didn't get it. No explanation given and I didn't feel like I should ask for it so didn't bring it up. now we're 3 weeks away from my next nephews barmitzvah and all of a sudden, both my ds's got their barmitzvah gifts... no card. not wrapped. just handed to me with 'here it is' no 'sorry for its lateness.' Weirdest of all, it was my mil who gave it to me - the gift is not even from her!
I'm trying really hard not to be petty but I feel completely taken advantage of. its so obvious that my sons were only remembered because of my nephew. I already battle with feelings of inadequacy in regards to my inlaws.
What would you do? Is it worth it to say something or am I being petty? (my ds's don't care. they're boys. dh thought it was weird but typical. whatever I decide to do, he would support me.)

amother

Fri, Mar 13 2015, 5:44 pm

Were you the one that organized your nephews gift? I always collect money for baby gift and take care if buying the present. Yet when I had a baby no one steppped up to the plate. Two sibblings got me their own gift, but it was really a thank you for a favor I did for them.

Miri7

Fri, Mar 13 2015, 5:46 pm

This just is what it is - you can't control your family members. All you can control is your reaction. They just don't have it together...try to let it slide. Otherwise the bad feelings will just eat you up.

You said your DH thought this behavior was "typical" of his family, so it sounds like with regards to his family, you should set your expectations really low. So next time your DS has a bar mitzvah coming up, you can laugh with DH and say "well, let's see how long it takes to get the becher. one year? two? Will it be wrapped? With a card?" That way their poor behavior is like a game to provide you amusement and not something to get you down about.