Standing up for my baby. help me be assertive!!!

amother

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 9:45 am

I recently started placing my 4.5 month old in daycare. The ganenet/bbsitter is an older women around age 50, lots of experience, in the'busness' for years. I had my older child by her as well, and overall I'm satisfied knowing she is trustworthy. she may not be all warm and cuddly ect. because imo she has seen way too many babies by now, but I trust her to feed him when he is hungry make sure he's clean not let him cry....
I wish he cud just be in his mommy's care, but I have no choice. so I'm happy knowing she is trustworthy and that is the main thig.
here is the issue.
I am exclusively bf, pumping for him. I don't believe in starting solids until half a year, only tastings on the tip of the tongue once in awhile.
she is from an older generation where I guess they thought bf doesn't fully satisfy babies and insists on giving him solids. she gave him one day and notified us after. I got really upset and dh who brings hiin the morn told her I prefer to starthim on solids at home.my dh is kinda shy and timid, so I dont kno how assertive he was.
this was thurs. today, sun, I came to pik him up early, and she tells me he ate HALF a bowl of food. I said but I think he is stiil young for solids... what didi u give him? she said aples and bananas and then she added that there were some mashe biscuits inside. I am so upset!!! and this is instead of giving him the milk I work so hard to pump. some of the milk is always left over.
now she is as I said from an older school of thought where it is good to feed as early and as much as possible. she is also the type who thinks because of alll her experience she knows wats best... I dont want to insult her, but I need her to respect what I think is best for my chld, even if she is old enuf to be my mom and in her eyes im a still too young and inexperienced.
how can I be assertive and let her know that at this point I do not let my baby be given any food other than my milk, and make sure she respects that without getting insulted or feeling disrespected?

amother

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 9:57 am

I have no other option that I can be more confident with. this is a maon in israel, which is run very efficiently and strictly, the metaplot are all trustworthy, there are cameras etc. the other options would be private datcares in someones house, aand frankly the ones in my area I would not trust with my baby... the type that are in it for the salary only, not clean etc.
I think there are two issues here. one is that both my dh and I are shy and timid, and the other is that we have to stand up for this to an israeli, where I think it is a culture thing that the metapelet is kinda possesive, feels like she knows best, but I am the parent... kinda like all those strangers who stop me and tell me to put a hat on poor baby who might freeze ya kno? then go ahead and pat his cheek? part of tje culture, but how do I stand up to it?

amother

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 10:04 am

I think she is loving and caring, when I picked himmup today in the middle of the day, it was a surprise visit. and his crib was right near where she was sitting, and she commented on what he had done that day and smiled to him etc. lovingly, he was def. happy smiling ect.
this is just the way maon's are run I think, kinda like a factory. but I have no choice. can't get a private nanny, this is wat it is. please don't make me feel guilty, I wish all my kids acn be with me but no choice. is it really that bad? he'll be damaged for life?
is this anormal thing for israelii culture or not normal?

imaima

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 10:07 am

amother wrote:

So who is her boss? Go to her and ask to look at the videos of the day. What exactly was she feeding your child.
You can't replace breast milk with cookies at 4.5 months. He will malnourished.

amother

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 10:08 am

heidi wrote:

It is against Israeli law for a metapelet to feed a child something that the parents have not approved. Ask for the number of the mifakachat of the maon.

so here is the thing. the menahelet is really strict, a real boss. one word to her and I kno he wont be given any solids. but I dont think I should jump the hierarchy ladder. inthink I should first address the metapelet directly, making it clear this is what I want. I dont want to go behind her back, amd make her resentful.. my baby is in her care.....
my question is how I can assertively address the issue while remaining repectful and nd make sure my wishes are carried through?

amother

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 10:11 am

Iymnok wrote:

Practice at home, tell the mirror that you are right and know what's best for your child. Do it 100 times out loud. Full of confidence tell her. She won't be insulted. By pick up check the milk supply and tell her off if it's not finished.
Look for another place, it may just be hiding from you.

ok this is great advice!!
I think part of thre issue is I need a boost telling me I kno what is best for my child even if I'm a young mom. and also doing thsat before a woman who raised many kids has grandkids took care of hundredsnof babies, still if I think I kno better tahn her for MY child, to be able to say it and have it respected.

grace413

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 10:28 am

amother wrote:

Dear Metapelet,

My baby loves to come to maon and be with you. Please note that my doctor and I have decided not to feed him any solids until he's x months old. Thanks for your cooperation. I'm going to have the menahelet put a note in his file in case somebody else is caring for him.

(OK, I never had a kid in maon but I'm guessing they have some kind of file.)

amother

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 11:27 am

amother wrote:

If I understand correctly, you've asked her twice, and your husband has asked once that she not give your child anything but mama milk, yet she continues to feed him solids.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. Other than standing over her all day, you clearly can't 'make sure your wishes are being carried through'.

As I see it, you have 3 options:
1. Live with the fact that she's not going to respect your request.
2. Find another childcare situation.
3. Speak to her supervisor.

You have lots of reasons why you don't want to do any of those options, but the methods you've tried clearly haven't worked and aren't likely to work in the future.

Sometimes we don't get to pick between a good option and a bad option. Sometimes we have to pick between a bad option and a worse option. I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation.

happybeingamom

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 11:58 am

Babies at 4.5 months need breast milk or formula. Their is no nutritional value in mashed up fruits and cookies for a baby that age. Your baby is missing important nutrients and getting junk instead. Your baby's brain needs better food then what this women thinks.

Yes you should speak to the supervisor, you already told the caretaker not to do it and she does not care. Sometimes we have to get on our Mama Bear persona on and now is the time.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 1:01 pm

Ask the pediatrician.

I think it's young for solids.

He is still getting your own milk.

He likes her, or so you seem to say.

Your opinion of her emotional manner toward him is pretty good, although it could be better. You do seem to think she is a little less warm than she could be, because she has seen so many babies. But you seem to give her a passing, if not stellar, grade emotionally.

Consider carefully that the next one might be worse.

I don't see this as quite as much a priority as the other posters. I do concede it isn't ok to not listen to the parents. But to me, emotional comes before this; it's not as if she is hurting the child. "Health issue" isn't in play here, as far as I can tell, nor safety. There are no pets or cruel older children, no dangling electric wires, no vermin. There is nothing sick about this child. So where is the health issue.

Ask the ped. If the ped sighs, and says it's all right, still remember, that while this lady is nice and knows her job, she does what she wants.

But I am not on fire, the way other posters are here about this.

To me, emotional and basic care trump this.

That does not mean I am indifferent to your concern. But I wouldn't necessarily take the kid out, or say anything.

Keep your eyes and ears open.

If you don't feel good about leaving the kid there, the kid will pick that up in a heartbeat and be a stressed kid. Careful what you let yourself feel.

imaima

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 1:32 pm

So you can talk to her once again, say that you have consulted a ped and he confirmed that your baby really really doesn't need mashed up fruit, and that he needs to be finishing his breastmilk instead. Be nice and smily.
On the next day you go to the menahelet and request the videos of the day. You will see if she followed your instruction or not. then you complain right then and there, or keep watching videos in cae she messes up again.

amother

Sun, Mar 15 2015, 1:56 pm

I live in EY too and have noticed it's very common for people to start solids here early. Tipat chalav always suggests starting mashed fruits and veggies around 4 months (though I wait til 6). I also once asked our pediatrician (american) who told me that he had gone to a conference with doctors all over and they are now saying there's no harm in starting earlier.

HOWEVER!

You should be comfortable that your metapelet is listening to what you want for your baby. You're the mother ultimately, and you make the decisions. You should insist again in a non-assertive way that you would really prefer that your baby not eat solids. No, I scratch that - You should insist that your baby WILL NOT eat solids in the gan. I'm very non-assertive by nature so I totally get you, but this is your decision as the mother.

My question is whether the other babies in the maon are all eating solid food as well. Is it that they all are, and so your baby is asking for some while the others are eating? You should also ask her whether your baby really is getting full on the milk, or is he crying from hunger and she needs to give him something additional. It could just be the israeli way (I have an israeli friend who told me her baby started cholent somewhere around 4 months, HA!), in which case you must keep insisting.