Myths about your (and DH's) profession

amother

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 5:14 pm

amother wrote:

My husband is a Rosh Kollel
People think that just because he answers shailos and wears rabbinic garb that he is immune from getting hurt. When he is fundraising, my job is to prop him up when 10 people tell him - no, sorry, we give to more important causes. I'm not telling you who to give your maaser money to, just say it nicely please - he does have feelings as well as a kop filled with Torah!

I think your husband is wonderful and kind and funny and a real inspiration! And if he isn't who I'm thinking of, then I'm sure there must be lots of Roshei Kollel around who are just as special.

amother

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 5:47 pm

To the amother whose DH is a Rav:

My DH is a kiruv rabbi. For the past 1/2 decade (sounds cool, no Wink

-certainly more than 5 1/2 years)
Anyway, this is an issue we are constantly working on.

We are constantly re-evaluating what our needs are for our family vs. his job that really is 24/7. As it comes with very little built in boundaries, we have learned to erect them with sechel. Sometimes people don't understand, but I've learned to not care. I need to do what's good for our family first.

Harbeh sheluchim l'Makom. Hasham has many messengers to help people. If we find ourselves in a situation where it seems we or someone we are helping will loose out, I reassure myself that Hashem will send them help from another source.

ex:
- First seder is always just our family. Period.
- Certain female advisers/students have been politely asked to not come back.
- DH never drives with only 1 female in his car
- No secular music in our home (from students ipods/iphones...)
- DH cell phone is off/away during dinner time (the world WILL survive for 1/2 hour)
- we work hard at arranging a date night once a week or every 2 weeks for just the two of us

As life moves and changes and my kids get bigger, we are moving and shifting our boundaries.

amother

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 6:06 pm

A different amother with DH who is a congregational rabbi. Most shuls aside from a few big ones with hundreds of rich congregants only hire part-time rabbis, but my husband works full time for a part-time salary. We've been accustomed not to plan family activities on Sundays. DH and I have become experts on juggling multiple functions in the same night. Like last Sunday he had 2 funerals, 1 hospital visit, 1 bar mitzvah lesson and 2 shiva calls. People actually dare ask him what he does when it's not Shabbos but he has a lot to prepare, drasha, classes, newsletter, that's before pastoral care or public duties like attending day school or inter-faith engagements. And the shul office thinks I should be his secretary.

Another myth is, we used to get invited to pesach retreat and people said it must be fun for someone to pay for the holiday! Excuse me? He spent literally 36hours without much sleep koshering with 2 other shomer and bochrim, did all services, gave shiurim each day in the afternoon, I wasn't sitting in a parlor with tea and pastry, because I was running 2 childrens programmes with my older daughters, missed dinners half the time acting as a mikva lady. We've never worked so hard in years. I'd rather do my own pesach at home anytime.

octopus

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 6:13 pm

amother wrote:

people who are not in it do not realize how hard a congregational rabbi works. and don't you know? it's a two for one special. the rebbetzin doesn't get paid but has to run classes and be warm and friendly.

bandcm

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 6:21 pm

We are shluchim in a very small community. People think we are being bankrolled by "Chabad" (whoever that is). In fact, we had a grant for one year when we moved here, and since then (eight years) we are TOTALLY on our own. My husband has to fundraise for every penny we spend, whether on ourselves (like buying food and paying bills and buying clothes) or on activities (Chabad House mortgage, bills, food, programming,
Hebrew School, etc.) People are always so shocked: "You mean you don't get a salary from "Chabad"? (who is "Chabad"?)
One thing Merkos L'Inyonei Chinuch (an organization the previous Rebbe set up over sixty years ago) does is pay for plane tickets to send bochurim to help us for Pesach, and attendance at the yearly conventions (both mens' and womens') is almost free ($36). We still have to pay for travel and accomodation though!

amother

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 6:44 pm

I teach in a Jewish high school, and people think it's great that I work so part-time and I'm making $35 an hour. Hello? That's only for the time I'm in class. No one is paying me for travel time, babysitting, marking time, preparing, PTA, making up modified tests, speaking to tutors, etc. In addition, I don't get paid in the summer nor maternity leave.

Midterms and finals, wow, you have so much time off!!! But no one knows about the stack of papers I come home with that need to be marked, the end-of-term averages that need to be calculated, other report card marks such as general behaviour, and comments I need to do. If my final is given on the last day, I need to do all that in an extremely short time span. So, yes, of course, I'm glad to have a week of Hebrew finals before where I am free, but during all that time, I'm busy fretting about the mountain of work that's headed my way and I cannot do anything in advance to alleviate it!!!

amother

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 7:17 pm

supty wrote:

Basically what I got from this thread is that everyone wants free stuff no matter what your field is!

I agree but also want to say that I'm a speech therapist and people often ask me at random times to "just listen to my child for a few minutes and tell me if I should be concerned or not" and it is TOTALLY my pleasure to do so!

I know not everyone feels like me and try not to do it to anyone else but this thread is good for reminding me that.

amother

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 7:21 pm

My husband is a physician. Like other posters, I don't understand why people assume medical students are wealthy. When dh was in med school and I was working full-time with small children, my neighbor asked why I was working. Um, to help pay for medical school and all our other expenses? It's not like he had time to moonlight while he was in school.

Another time I was talking to a teacher who was telling me about how during a visit to his in-laws in another city, his child felt ill on Shabbos. So he described how he walked a mile to find a pediatrician, who walked back to his in-laws house, examined the child, treated him, and returned home. I said, "Wow, that's really nice of him to do that for you". He said, "Oh, frum doctors expect to do that, it's no big deal." I felt like saying, so would you be willing to walk for hours on Shabbos, forgoing time with your family, to tutor other children for free? I don't think so.

dr. pepper

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 7:31 pm

amother wrote:

Wow. Basic mentchlichkeit would assume a gracious attitude either way. That kind of Magiya Li attitude is awful and horrible middos. And the antithesis of why we are called Yehudim

amother

Mon, Mar 16 2015, 7:45 pm

dr. pepper wrote:

Wow. Basic mentchlichkeit would assume a gracious attitude either way. That kind of Magiya Li attitude is awful and horrible middos. And the antithesis of why we are called Yehudim

He actually is a mentch in other ways. I think that part of the problem is that there were a number of other physicians in our community, but they joined the community after they were more established, not during their student and resident days. So people were used to thinking of physicians as being established in their careers, with some leisure time, and relatively well-off. While this teacher was klei kodesh so felt he needed to hustle to earn any extra money he could, by tutoring and the like.

Also, I think that people usually try to justify what they're doing. So instead of saying, "Yes, I imposed on another Jew because I was deeply concerned about my child's health, and feel grateful and maybe a bit guilty about it", it's easier to say, "It's no big deal, it comes with the territory of being a frum doctor".

Oh, and I found that the stereotype of physicians being wealthy exists outside the Jewish community too. One of my co-workers once asked me what dh did for a living, so I said that he was in med school. Co-worker said, "My college girlfriend broke up with me because her mother wanted her to marry a rich doctor. Kind of like what you did, right?" So I said, "No, I married a poor student with lots of educational debt". Seriously?

amother

Tue, Mar 17 2015, 12:19 am

morningsickness wrote:

I'm almost finished getting my B.A. in Social Work. people keep on asking me how I can work in a field that "kidnapsP kids out of their homes". Whenever I go anywhere and ppl hear what proff. I'm studying, they start pouring their hearts out to me. I recall one time where I was getting my shaitel done for my BIL's vort, and the shaitel-macher started telling me a horrific story about child abuse involving lot of ppl I know. I couldn't help her, except listen and empathise, and hearing her horrific story ruined my evening for me...

people here think that since I'll have a B.A. I'll be making loads of money. Truth is, Social Workers here in Israel make minimum wage until they have an M.A. or years and years of experience. The local cleaning lady makes wayyy more money than I wil

so ur saying they don't basically kidnap kids out of their homes? cuz just recently someone was relling me that because of a socialistic outlook, social workers in israel will take kids out of homes unjustifiably, and then they are placed in dorms where neglect and abuse is rampant. wats the truth on this?
and if it is so low paying why do you go for it? because it is a helping people carrer?
because same person claims social workers cant really help people....
wats the truth? seriously want to know...

morningsickness

Tue, Mar 17 2015, 1:48 am

Years ago, like 40 years ago, there might have been some truth to the claim that Social Workers believe in taking kids out of their hoe. Now the trend is exactly the opposite, sometimes to the detrimental effect on the children. It's really, really hard legally to take children out of their home these days, and even once children are taken out, it's usually meant as a temporary solution until the biological family can be rehabilitated. Most kids taken out of their homes get placed in foster homes and are encouraged to keep in contact with their families.

As for why I'm going into a field with lot's of work, heartaches and no money- well, I guess I must be just plain crazy.. Seriously, though, I feel like it's my calling. And I strongly believe that I can, and have been of help to people.

amother

Tue, Mar 17 2015, 2:07 am

LEsheva wrote:

Myth 1: pharmacists just count pills all day, I don't even get why they're doctors...

No, no, no, no, no.
There is some pill counting involved - and that is done by the technicians. A pharmacist balances her entire day reviewing incoming prescriptions and catching problems in therapy, speaking with physicians, and actively counseling her patients. In the hospital setting, pharmacists round with the doctors to ensure optimal medication, and in ambulatory settings pharmacists have a partnership with a physician wherein they meet with patients to adjust the therapy themselves. The degree is a four year doctorate - though many pharmacists forgo the title in order to be more approachable.

PS. Be nice to your pharmacist - we know you don't feel well and need your medication urgently. We want to give it to you right now, but we first need to wrestle with your insurance company unless you want to pay a fortune

I like your sn. (If you ever want a personalised numberplate, you could go for LE7...)

amother

Tue, Mar 17 2015, 2:54 am

morningsickness wrote:

why do you say it is hard? I hear a pakid saad, the highest authority social worker, basically has the right to remove children on her own decision. no court order neccessary.
and the foster homes are in other countries. I hear most kids removed from homes in israel are placed in one of the hundreds of dorm houses around the country, and not in foster care. and a recent article in yisrael hayom , shabbos edition, spoke about the horrid conditions and neglect in one of these homes.
and kids removed from homes, once given over to a final adoption, are given in closed adoptions, meaning no contact with family, family wont even know where kid is.
this is what I have heard from someone in the field
where do you base wat you say on? ur assuming this is the state of things,or u kno for a fact?