Myths about your (and DH's) profession

JAWSCIENCE

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 1:24 pm

I think it is always a good idea to open with the purpose of your call "Hey I was wondering if you know somebody who fixes computers" rather than launching into the story of what function on the computer is not working, or describing a seizure to a dermatologist who the entire time is thinking "Help, I am not a neurologist". This lets them know what you are actually calling for and they can ask the questions they need answers to "is this a trust, or a contract issue?" etc. without having to weed through a bunch of stuff they don't need.

Most professionals are usually very happy to give referrals - because they are also happy to get them! But they are not happy to get asked to work for free or waste a lot of time during dinner time. And I am not referring to only Dr.'s, lawyers and computer programmers. I am certain the plumber gets asked electrical problems often enough and the lady who owns a snood/hat store probably gets hit up by cousins looking to buy discount lingerie because they assume "it's all hosiery".

IMHO it is not just socially awkward people (you can see those people coming from a mile away). Lots of people show rashes to the physician at the shabbos table, ask the speech therapist to just listen to their kid at the park, and want contract advice for business deals from a lawyer at shul. Some people are happy to do these things, others will charge. The point is to be upfront about what you are asking and understand when they say no, I have to charge you, this is not the time/place, or it is not my field. The person being asked has the responsibility to be polite, to be honest and not let themselves get taken advantage of and to explain the situation even if they feel like a broken record for having to do it so many times to different people.

There are lots of misconceptions about my field. Maybe I should open an "I'm Dr./medical student ask me anything" thread. lol. I generally don't mind explaining things. I do mind when people assume things about my income though.

Frumdoc

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 3:06 pm

deena19k wrote:

I'm with fox. I'm a nurse, and it really doesn't bother me when neighbors come over asking me if a cut needs stitches, or if a wound looks infected, or if a neighbor's kid needs a sudden epi injection, and the mom is nervous to do it. People call me a lot with questions, and I'm not shy to tell ppl that I don't know and to call the dr or go to the er or whatever. Why not?

Ditto in terms of most stuff not bothering me.

I am happy to give advice, but always very specific about telling people to see a doctor and what is outside my remit. I have never been abused, only close family or friends would call me in the middle of the night, and I am only too happy to give acquaintances brief advice or explain medical stuff to them if they contact me or I see them around. Even the rebbetzin sometimes phones me, although there are many other doctors around. And parents of friends, or my parent's neighbors, or my mil's friends, or my neighbor's mother, etc etc.

Nothing gives me more pleasure than to be able to help someone in such a simple way as sharing my knowledge or expertise, what an easy way of helping someone and making their life easier with no toll on me.

What did I spend all those years studying for if not to help those in my community? Not just the patients I get paid to look after, but maybe make the health of my family, friends and neighbors a bit better and help them negotiate the tangled maze of healthcare.

But I have never had that abused, and people are so so grateful for something that is so easy, it is ridiculously rewarding emotionally.

I suppose if anyone abused it, I may feel differently, but so far I never have. If I don't want to be available I just don't answer the phone or email, or remind people I can't stop now but they can phone me at a better time. People are enormously respectful of that.

I hear that not everyone is as lucky, and thst goodwill often gets abused.

amother

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 3:28 pm

Fox wrote:

I will try to remember that I'm under no obligation to actively listen and respond to other human beings the next time I get a call from a crazy lawyer who wants to tell me the whole (organized!) story of what happened to his/her computer; doesn't know his/her IP address and whether it's static or dynamic; and doesn't know what kind of firewall is in place.

There's an element of arrogance and elitism that I'm sure you're not intending, but is nonetheless coming through. To my knowledge, no state bar refuses admission to people who lack social skills; are inappropriately aggressive; or master manipulators. Without contributing to unfortunate stereotypes, there are some who would say that those characteristics are actually advantageous to lawyers.

So unpleasantly aggressive lawyers badger plumbers; cheapskate plumbers badger network administrators; socially inept network administrators badger health care workers; and manipulative health care workers badger lawyers. There's room for everyone to act like a jerk!

I suppose the problem of "crazies" calling all the time might be a legitimate issue for someone whose name is very well known and who is in the public eye. That's one of the problems with even a small amount of fame. But for most of us, the amount of time needed to listen to the problems of another Jew and possibly refer him/her to someone who could be helpful -- and explain what typical costs would be -- is far less than we spend noodling around on Imamother.

Unfortunately, I am more well known than I would wish. I do pro Bono work. I also have a family and am an active community member. I am now waiting to meet with a Rabbi who has has an issue which he needs for me to solve for free or to donate to a worthy cause. I got 7 emails today looking for free advice. I also did a community chessed which was buying dishes for a family that didn't have enough dishes to supply one for each member of the family. We support organization s. I also went to work today, took care of my home and family.

I resent the implications that because I am not an unlimited well, I shouldn't be on imamother, I should kindly let everyone ramble so I don't come across as elitist and arrogant. Never mind that my ability to earn a living gets infringed on. My time at simchas gets taken up by people wanting to tell their tale. It is best for the community and for me that people can get to the point and I can decide how to best help them. It might not be best for the individual, but I can't be everyone's ear.

A lawyers time is her stock in trade

Fox

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 4:43 pm

amother wrote:

Amother, your day sounds almost identical to mine. Admittedly, I did take an hour for an iron infusion, and I released a little stress by virtually yelling at a guy who wanted me to reformat his data so he could do business with a competitor of mine.

So I have to ask, "Why is amother-the-lawyer so much more cynical and fed up than Fox-the-database-lady?"

* It could be that you're a lot better at what you do than I am. I'm certainly willing to allow for that possibility!

* Perhaps your community needs to find a better way of helping people with legal problems. Surely you're not the only attorney in the community? Whether it's something modest like a referral service or an actual organization, there should be ways to spread the need for pro bono or discounted work around a little.

* Maybe your desire to be helpful is causing you to be more subtle than is sometimes needed. Sometimes you have to say, "I'd love to help you, but it would mean neglecting the job I'm paid to do. I rely on that job to feed my family, and I have to make sure I keep it." Simplistic? Yes. But you have to lay it out there for some people.

* Is it possible you've become better known than is really good for you? Boy, oh boy, did I make *that* mistake years ago. In order to build business, I gave seminars; wrote articles and guides; went to conventions; advertised, and basically got my and DH's names "out there." What I discovered, at least in our business, is that it resulted in a lot of inquiries from people who couldn't or wouldn't pay the going rate and very little real business. I scaled back -- way back -- and it was amazing how many fewer junk inquiries I got without losing any real business.

I don't know if any of these hypotheses are accurate, but if people are trying to discuss their legal problems with you at simchas, something is wrong -- and it's likely something that can be fixed or at least improved.

Do you have to listen ad infinitum to everyone's tale of woe? No. But my example involved being cut off in the middle of the first sentence, and if you decide who is worth talking to and who is a freeloader in that period of time, you'll probably miss some valuable opportunities.

Time is not just a lawyer's stock-in-trade; time is the merchandise of *every* skilled professional. Which is why, when my plumber wanted to discuss his computer woes with me during a recent visit, I lifted my hands from the keyboard, turned around, and gave him my full and complete attention for the duration of the tale, ignoring the emails from paying clients. I gave him free advice and told him I'd connect to his computer if necessary.

Let's face it: lawyers and database developers are a-dime-a-dozen. But if you live in an old house, which I do, a really excellent plumber who owes you a favor is priceless.