Teacher embarressed my ds

amother

Blue

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 9:04 pm

My ds 5th gradehad to do a presentation on class based on a report he wrote...he got a good mark...he practiced what he would say from the report.
When it came time for him to present the teacher surprised him with a bunch of questions that he did not have the answers ( the teacher never asked for this type of research and never said he had a problem with the validity if the report)... when my son didnt have the answers he asked if my ds was still sick, was he drunk???? He told him he is going to fail.
My ds was so embarressed the next period he had his head down...kids were throwing things at him...now he doesnt want to go to school. ..I started writing an email to the teacher not sure if I should send it...it basically says what you did was wrong and he embarressed my son...should I send it?

momX4

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 9:10 pm

I would call the teacher now.

An email wouldn't do it. If the kids were supposed to be prepared to answer questions, then your DS was prepared. BUT, that doesnt give the teacher permission to embarrass him. Call and find out what the teacher feels that happened, and let him know how hurt your dc is. That is way more important than the actual mark.

If there was no mention that the kids should expect questions, then ask why was your dc asked. I would also mention that calling a child "DRUNK" is totally unacceptable.

If calling your dc names isnt a new thing, please call the principle tonight. Its not acceptable at all. Kids have a way of trying to live up the names that people call them.

debsey

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 9:41 pm

amother wrote:

Do not send your son back to school till you have spoken to the teacher. Be polite and ask for "clarification" of what happened, so the teacher has a moment to think over his/her actions.

Then I'd call the principal and request a meeting with the principal and teacher to "plan" for success so that this type of thing never happens again.

In other words, I'd be very diplomatic in my language, but extremely clear and firm about how I want this handled.

There is NO excuse for shaming a child. It's not like your son was crossing any red lines of behavior, that we can make an excuse for the teacher and say that the teacher just forgot himself in the heat of the moment. Your son is being BULLIED. by a GROWNUP. As another grownup, you need to intervene.

Bruria

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 9:43 pm

Do not let it go, you should speak to the teacher immediately and also to the principal!
This is totally unacceptable, she has no right to publicly humiliate a student, regardless of what she thinks about the presentation, this was unprofessional and bully-like behavior, just terrible!

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 9:50 pm

Your poor son Sad

I had a teacher embarrass me in front if the whole class and it ruined me for life. I'm almost thirty, with four kids and I'm starting now to get out of the shell this teacher made me go in. Talk to the teacher. Make sure your son is totally ok. It's the worst thing in the world for a teacher to do and he should be fired! Speak to the principle. Don't let this slide. It hurts me so much that kids have to suffer, it really could effect them for years.

amother

Blue

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 9:54 pm

op here- thanks for your replies...the principal unfortunately is useless...like talking to a blank wall, so I'm on my own. I don't have a # to reach him so I wrote him an e-mail, I was so mad and my ds is still crying in bed so I sent it...wish me luck..here is what I wrote:
Dear Mr.
I'm sure it wasn't your intention but you embarrassed DS in class today. You gave him a good mark on his report so if you had questions about the validity of it, you might have questioned him before he had to present it to the class. After putting him on the spot and he was unable to answer your surprise questions, his peers made fun of him and threw things at him (this was after you left).I'm also a bit disturbed to hear that at his lack of his responses you asked him if he was still ill or drunk????!!! I do believe this issue deserves a phone call but since this is the only way I can reach you, I hope you will respond. As of now I have a child who does not want to go back to school tomorrow and that is unacceptable.

I welcome your feedback,

debsey

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 10:11 pm

amother wrote:

I might go a little more "emily post" with the letter. Kill him with kindness. "I'm SURE my son misheard you. I can't imagine that an educator would call a boy drunk. Please help me understand what happened....." this way, if the letter ever makes its way to a higher authority, you look like this super-polite lady who is just asking for clarification, while you are REALLY setting a limit clearly.

Even if the principal is useless, I'd cc him on the letter.

I'd also ask the teacher what his plan is to rectify the situation of the other kids throwing things at your son?

amother

Blue

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 10:17 pm

debsey wrote:

op here...he has said worse...he just denies saying it...I cut out a lot that sounded chutzpah or mean!!!I kind of of sent the letter already so....

Miri7

Mon, Mar 23 2015, 11:56 pm

If you don't get a reply ASAP call the school. Ask to speak with the teacher ASAP.

I would hold back at first and ask the teacher what happened. "why did you ask these questions that were not part of the research?" Then be quiet. Make him answer. Follow up with more questions on his response. Then ask "what was your purpose in asking whether DC was drunk?" Again let him answer. "Did you at all notice that DS appeared embarrassed by your questions or your suggestion that he was drunk?"

"What did you hope to teach by doing this?"
"How does that set an example of the middot we hope to instill in our sons?"
"How do you propose to rectify this situation?"
"No, a private apology will not suffice. You embarrassed him publicly. The apology must be in front of the entire class".
"Yes, that is the only way to even begin to undo the harm you have done to my son and to the rest of the class by the poor example you set."

Good luck and I am so sorry that your DS is going through this. Just awful. Tell the principal even if he's useless.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Mar 24 2015, 12:20 am

Debsey, with respect, I disagree.

It's a PERFECT letter the way it is.

OP have your husband show special fondness for your son right around now. Your husband can reminisce, a propos of nothing, about miserable stupid experiences in HIS school days. So dumb. But it was all kid stuff and now your husband is a successful husband and father.

amother

Lime

Tue, Mar 24 2015, 12:43 am

You said the other boys were throwing things at your son during the next period. Have you contacted that teacher? Why wasn't that behavior stopped? Did the teacher ask your son what happened?

(When I see a student in my class with their head down I usually call them over and ask them what's wrong. If they don't want to talk about it I remind them that they can come to me another time, they can write me a note, or tell another student to talk to me on their behalf)