Inspired by Sima telling her story....

amother

Slategray

Sat, Mar 28 2015, 11:24 pm

amother wrote:

Apparently, OP is not the only one misunderstanding or being misunderstood by green fire.

Aren't you OP?

I thought this color thing would help. Now I'm just confused.

K, clearly you have some history with greenfire.

That poster deleted her own post. She must've realized she was out of line.

Whatever, I have my own battles to fight. Geeenfire can defend herself, and so, it seems, can you.

I hope you are getting help for what you've been through. Real help, because these unlicensed bozos do so much harm.

amother

Salmon

Sat, Mar 28 2015, 11:46 pm

OP here. Green fire, I thought you were leaving. Sadly, you have managed to make this thread about you and me.
To get back on track, I am here because I was inspired by Sima's story. It brought back memories of significant trauma that I experienced years ago. I commend her courage.
I would appreciate if you would kindly leave my thread. I do not have a history with you as a poster suggested but I do want to respect myself and Sima by sticking to my topic and purpose of this thread.

amother

Blush

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:05 am

op, I have sympathies for you and what you have gone through. however, you are not making that easy! I have no idea why greenfire was attacked, and that was wrong. I feel that it was actually YOU that detracted from the original topic, by jumping on greenfire.

as for the original topic, if you are not looking for validation, can you clarify what you want to accomplish? to expose your abuser? I def. commend you for that, even if it is anon. it still cant be easy...

amother

Slategray

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:08 am

OP, would you share some of the warning signs you've learned, of how a "therapist" or whatever he calls himself lures in a victim?

We've had some threads about women seeing unlicensed people, and even some licensed guys who took advantage of women. Perhaps your advice can help others avoid your pain.

My own first piece of advice to everyone reading this is: only go to therapists etc who can be held accountable to a licensing board or supervisor, or someone.

But I don't want to hijack your thread...

amother

Salmon

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:28 am

amother wrote:

OP here. You are not hijacking, I truly appreciate your post. I can't speak intelligently about how unlicensed therapists "lure in victims" but I can tell you how it happened in my particular case. He had the ingredients from the beginning for me to trust him: (1) a reputable rabbi, (2) a friend of a family member who recommended him, (3) fame/world traveler/well known, and (4) apparent warmth/empathy.
The warning signs and red flags were there from day one, however, I was too naive to notice them. For example, at our very first meeting, I entered his office and he was sitting behind his desk. I sat across from him. He made eye contact and within a few minutes of talking, he stood up and walked around his desk planting himself directly in front of me. Meaning, the desk was no longer between us and he was very much in my personal space. That is when he started feeding me the **** that he realized with me (mind you he had only known me for a few minutes at that point) that to help me he would need to reach me through "my heart". The intense eye contact, body language, invading personal space, and speaking that way was inappropriate. It seemed innocent to me at the time and I interpreted it to be that perhaps he was "ultra caring".
Very soon thereafter he invited me to a weekend Shabbaton. It was a plane ride away and when I got to the hotel there was a message for me at the front desk to call his room number when I got in. Surprisingly, he asked me to meet him at his room claiming it was where he was seeing people. I believed him. Again, he was the rabbi and main speaker at the event... That was a tragic mistake that I would regret forever.... The beginning of the end.

Fave

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:41 am

amother wrote:

There you go again OP. Your past doesn't give you the leeway to be nasty while hiding under Amother.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:54 am

OP again. Amother slategray: I also meant to say that while I completely agree with you about only seeing therapists that are licensed and accountable to s licensing board, it's very tricky when dealing with a rabbi. Most rabbis I assume are NOT licensed. And I wasn't going to him for therapy, it was more for spiritual guidance. And in my case, I probably should have been in therapy simultaneously (from the beginning) because I was going through such major life transitions and was vulnerable. This rabbi knew about my vulnerabilities (from my telling him) and he used them to lure me. Very sad sick and twisted.

amother

Slategray

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:57 am

amother wrote:

Don't get me started on rabbis. The one I trusted dismissed my pain and made my problems way worse. And he was supposed to be the expert.

I don't understand, he was violating halachos (like yichud and negiah)?

Some rabbi.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 1:04 am

amother wrote:

Yes, he was ABSOLUTELY violating Halachos. He had all kinds of justifications why in "his" case it was permitted so as to "help me". And that of course I was not to say anything to anyone because, according to him, other younger less experienced rabbis will take it as a heter to do the same kinds of things but will lack the appropriate kavana as he had... on and on....
He used a combination of manipulation, intimidation, power, and kindness, to get to me (or to get ME, more accurately).

amother

Slategray

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 1:10 am

amother wrote:

Another red flag, of course.

Wow. You must've thought you were the one that was crazy. They know exactly how to get in your head.

One of the red flags with another unlicensed guy I went to (not a rabbi, this one) was that he was openly admitting to lying to my husband in order to "get on his good side and get him to trust me".

Trust through lying? Sounds more like manipulation.

And we paid through our noses for that charlatan. I wish I could name names because some of these people advertise in trusted publications.

oliveoil

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 2:16 am

amother wrote:

The first part of your post is unfair. How can you judge??

The second is true.

BUT why does it matter? Didn't a poster recently do a PSA about not using one kind of pain to negate another?

I am not negating anyone's pain. I am pointing out that the OP, by her own admission, was an adult in her 20s and was not threatened in any way. That doesn't mean the guy didn't do anything wrong, but also doesn't mean she was a victim. People make mistakes and have regrets, but that doesn't make it abuse or molestation.

amother

Slategray

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 2:19 am

oliveoil wrote:

And you know this because?

Wow this thread gets better and better.

So adult victims of emotional abuse and rape are not to be called victims. Good to know.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 2:22 am

OP, I think that people's negative reactions can basically be boiled down to two issues:
1. You accused, without any original explanation, a big talmid chacham (and Holocaust survivor!) who is known to help couples with shalom bayis issues, of a big aveira.
2. You did so anonymously. Without any details in your original post. It wasn't the fact that people wanted to hear the gory details, but it's a big accusation to make without providing any proof.

What I can hear from your original post is that you're in a lot of pain, and I'm really, really sorry for that.