DH doesn't talk to the baby.

amother

Coffee

Sat, Mar 28 2015, 2:29 pm

DH never says anything to our 9 month old when when he looks after her. He just plays silently or gets busy with something else, for hours. I've told him it's good to talk but he still doesn't. It really bothers me.

amother

Yellow

Sat, Mar 28 2015, 3:11 pm

Maybe he just doesn't know how to connect with babies who don't talk yet. Have you ever seen him interact with other kids who are older? Some men are better once the kids start talking and having a personality.

Amarante

Sat, Mar 28 2015, 8:02 pm

Did you explain to him why it is "good" to talk to a baby in a way he can understand.

It's not just "fun" and good for bonding for the baby but talking as much as possible to a baby (and a toddler) is very important for them to develop good language skills. Helps them later in school from what I've read.

They have done studies observing mothers and how much they "talk" to their babies and toddlers and there is a correlation between the number of words spoken during the day and performance later on in school. They even started trying to teach mothers to speak more to their babies/toddlers to help improve the children's later skills.

I think most parents do this naturally so you don't think about it. Even before a baby is speaking, parents and other care givers talk a lot to the baby - and sentences are good and questions to point out the world around them even if you don't think they "understand".

When a baby starts "babbling", it is really their attempt to start speaking because they are imitating all the people around them speaking to them. I read that babies brought up with two deaf parents will "babble" in sign language because they observe it as a form of communication although a hearing child will of course also make babbling sounds as well as using their fingers to "babble.

amother

Lavender

Sat, Mar 28 2015, 8:37 pm

Have you ever actually explained the importance to him, or do you just nag him to do it? Because talking to infants doesn't come naturally to everyone. I am not so into babies. I like and relate to older kids more. I know full well the importance of talking to babies because, well, that's how they learn to talk. And even so, it doesn't come naturally to me and I find it VERY difficult to talk to my babies. I make myself do it because I have to, but I find it very difficult. I feel like the biggest idiot babbling and talking to someone who cannot coherently respond. It's a real hurdle for me. So first, make sure he understands that babies need to hear language in order to acquire it. But after that, acknowledge that it may not be easy or feel natural and that's OK, but he should try to push himself for the good of his child. But, assuming you are the primary caregiver, I wouldn't make too big of a fuss. I have to force myself because I'm the one spending the most time with them, but if he's not spending all day with her, it's not the worst thing in the world to not be engaged enough.

MrsMarmite

Sat, Mar 28 2015, 10:50 pm

my dh also never really connected to my kids when they were little babies, but now that they're all older, he's fine and their relationships are normal. if your dh is like mine, things improve when the kid is more interactive.

amother

Babypink

Sat, Mar 28 2015, 11:48 pm

It's great that your dh takes care of your baby and plays with he. He just might not realize how important it is to talk to babies. I remember the first summer I was a mothers helper in camp for a little baby and the mom kept telling me to talk to the baby. I honestly could not understand why she was making such a big deal about it and why it was so important.

amother

Azure

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:27 am

My DH didn't talk to the kids when they were babies either. I told him how important it was, but he still didn't. Made me crazy, but they learned to talk, and he certainly spoke to them when they started talking. BH, the kids are no worse for the wear, no language issues, great students, they have friends etc.

salt

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 1:50 am

I'm sure many husbands don't talk to babies. I've heard from more than one person, that their husband only connects to their children once the kid is walking and talking - then he's a "proper person". As long as your baby gets talked to by other people, at other times in the day, I don't think it should matter.
My DH never plays games with me kids, nor does he read to them - he doesn't have the patience for that. But he learns with them, tells them biblical stories, takes them on outings.

Jewishmom8

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 3:23 am

what I have learned is that my husband is not great with the babies. he really isn't. but when they turn a year or so and start communicating and walking around and stuff he turns into the best dad.
give him some time. I am sure he will be great too.