Just because someone does not cover their hair completely...

amother

Bisque

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 8:34 am

Would you assume they don't keep chalav yisrael or yashan? I cover my hair with a hat, but I keep yashan and chalav yisrael, and yet my friend asked me before coming to my house if I kept chalav yisrael, even though she had already asked and I had already answered!

If she wasn't my friend I would not feel bothered by it, but the double checking is pretty hurtful.

Just to clarify, my community is sephardic and it is quite common for women not to cover their hair completely and keep chalav yisrael. Actually , it is also common for some women to even wear pants and that does not mean their kashrut is any less than what I described.

Butterfly

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 8:43 am

Just to be dan lechaf zechut;
1- She might have forgotten that she had already asked you that before.

2- Perhaps she asked others the same question and didn't remember for sure if she asked it from you as well so asked again. No big deal.

3- She suffers from OCD... Don't be surprised nor insulted if she asks you the same question again and again. It's not a about you. It's about her...

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 9:23 am

I don't keep CY and I do cover my hair completely, and I still get asked if I keep CY. It's not an across the board thing that people do, no matter how they dress, so it's a common question in my experience.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 9:34 am

I would assume she forgot that she asked you and I really don't consider keeping cholov yisroel equal to keeping kosher. especially depending on where you live. I definitely would assume that most pple don't keep yoshon so if I did I would make sure to ask!

greenfire

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 9:55 am

since I got divorced and uncovered my hair I've been asked if I'm still frum - with shock that I was shocked at such a querie ...

I know plenty of people who eat cholov stam yet eat yoshon ... and plenty of people who eat cholov yisrael & don't even know what yoshon is let alone keep it

but it's her prerogative to make sure she is only eating what she holds by - inclusive of double checking if you eat cholov yisrael - could be she gets confused with which friend keeps and which do not

DrMom

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 9:55 am

Why do you assume your friend's question was motivated by your style of hair-covering?

Chana Miriam S

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 10:38 am

DrMom wrote:

Why do you assume your friend's question was motivated by your style of hair-covering?

I keep a very high standard of kashrut in my community and work as a mash guava for our local vaad. I would not remotely be offended by the questions. And I would not assume it was because I don't cover my hair if someone wasn't ok with eating at my house. People hold what they hold

morah

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 10:40 am

Honestly, she probably forgot she asked you previously. I keep yoshon and I try to keep track of who I've asked before coming over but unless I go there A LOT, I really don't always remember. I also don't keep CY. I cover my hair fully, not sure what that has to do with anything. I know people in Lakewood in BMG who don't keep CY or yoshon. I doubt it has to do with how you dress, if you keep certain standards that not everyone keeps, you have to ask everyone you plan on eating with, even if they look like the type to hold more strictly.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 11:04 am

OP here. Thanks for all responses!
I assumed it was because of the way I cover my hair because it was the only thing that I thought of, but maybe she just forgot, who knows!

nyer1

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 11:24 am

but she didn't ask if you kept kosher, she asked if u keep CY. many sheital wearers don't keep chalav yisrael so I don't understand why it would make a difference with her asking. it's a standard she obviously wants to upkeep and asked if you do the same, but I don't think it has anything 2 do with your choice of hair covering. I wear a sheital, my husband wears a black hat (on shabbos) and I recall someone asking me if I keep CY before they came over for a meal. I don't keep it myself, but if I'm cooking for others I make sure to, just to keep everyone comfortable.

PinkFridge

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 11:29 am

andrea levy wrote:

Spell check/rock band name classic!

Ruchel

Wed, Apr 01 2015, 9:03 am

I have a friends in pants with GLATT kitchen.

Many friends in tights and wig and no standard cs/no glatt.

I know people with covered hair who make mistakes or much more machmir on tznius than me but less chumradik than me.

etc etc... Unless otherwise (psak, custom), never assume you can't eat at someone.

imasoftov

Wed, Apr 01 2015, 9:15 am

How wonderful it would be if there was a list of kal vechomers that would allow you to predict a person's doing A if they did B or not doing B if they don't do A.

But this is an imperfect world.