Inappropriate language

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 6:04 pm

vicki wrote:

The fact that he got angry and not embarrassed speaks volumes. Stay away from him.

Indeed I will...
Won't be easy in this family.
Thanks

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 6:24 pm

Dear OP, judging from facts and inuendo in your posts, both your x and this cousin sound like S-x addicts. Or s-x and love addicts. He may be mister nice guy on the street, but today you were given a little glimpse of how he likely treats those closest to him who dare cross him.

Stay away from him. I think a general rule is to stay formal with those the torah permits to marry. What did they call it in school? A liba gas bo?

Many hugs. I hope you are doing well and have recovered from the pain of your past.

If you need help setting boundaries and asserting yourself, a therapist may be helpful. Unfortunately, to certain men, divorcees are attractive prey. Shutting them down is a useful life skill.

sneakermom

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 6:38 pm

He is violating your boundary because you don't have a loyal husband to protect you.

That is wrong.

This is an opportunity to practice being assertive. Which you did. In this big bad world you gotta be the boundary keeper. There are all kinds of people who will try to break the boundary. Especially if you are vulnerable.

We live in a time and age where womans rights are protected. You are not defenseless.

I wouldn't make a big thing from here on. Just don't tell him anything personal, don't be with him alone and act medium chill always.

ginevraweasley

Tue, Aug 25 2015, 7:06 pm

I've heard from folks who were shadchanim for Saw You At Sinai about the vile and obscene things that "yeshivish" bochurim told married frum women that they wanted in a wife. Beyond dress size and even bra size...that's typical. We're talking graphic physical descriptions and even descriptions of s-x acts. (There are disgusting people everywhere, in all circles, religions, and walks of life...but I just want to point out to you that I am unsurprised that boys from a "good" background turn out this way...)

Your cousin sounds like a predator. Stay as far away as you can, and tell trusted family members (like you brothers) how he's been talking to you so that they understand why. If you're not comfortable blocking his number, tell him that you will not tolerate certain speech and will hang up the phone or end the chat immediately if he brings them up. Do not agree to see him alone -- use hilchot yichud to your advantage (and make stuff up if you have to -- tell him your rabbi said not to do XYZ).