He's not counting omer!

amother

Tan

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 9:55 am

My husband is not counting the omer. I don't know what to do about it.
He says it's not a mitzvah anyway, just a kabbalistic minhag.
I want to know if he is right or wrong about that. I wont push if it's not a big deal.
I was just taught that it's so important for the men to count omer.

amother

Tan

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 10:00 am

Quote:

The commandment for counting the Omer is recorded within the Torah n Leviticus 23:15-16:

15. And ye shall count unto you from the morrow after the day of rest, from the day that ye brought the omer of the waving; seven weeks shall there be complete;

16. even unto the morrow after the seventh week shall ye number fifty days; and ye shall present a new meal-offering unto the LORD.

However, the obligation in post-temple destruction times is a matter of some dispute. While Rambam (Maimonides) suggests that the obligation is still biblical, most other commentaries assume that it is of a rabbinic origin in modern times.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 10:05 am

amother wrote:

Two things: one, dont push this even if it is important for men to count the omer. If you push your husband to do something that he does not want to do, and if he does do it, it will backfire and he will be doing it just because you are pushing him. resentment can build up for doing something that one does not want to do but is pushed to do.
Second thing, why do you believe that it is "so important"? I never heard this before.

doctorima

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 10:19 am

It's definitely a mitzvah, not just a kabbalistic minhag. What you should do about it is a different question. Maybe you could casually say that you heard otherwise and ask him to discuss it with his Rav "just to confirm that he's right."

amother

Emerald

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 10:43 am

kb wrote:

Does your husband ask you if you davened? washed for bread? bentched? said krias shma?

You're his wife, not his mother.

New amother, but yes my husband does that to me. Most annoying.

animeme

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 10:52 am

You can count every night with a brachah, out loud. He can say amein, or not- you're sharing your brachah, as you can do any other time you say one. He may join in if you're the one remembering to do it and keeping the schedule. If not, you bring the mitzvah and it's zchus into your home.

Sanguine

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 11:03 am

Is he davening Maariv? In shul? Is he actually opposed to counting? why would you not count on purpose? Maybe he missed one so he can't say with a bracha anymore so he's saying "no big deal".

Are you newlyweds? Did he count last year? Anyway, I don't think you should be making a big deal about it. If he stops wearing tzitzit (if he did before), stops going to shul on Shabbat, checks the basketball scores online on Friday night... I would be concerned, but not counting Omer where he feels he has a reason is no reason to challenge his decision.

Sanguine

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 11:07 am

Ruchel wrote:

Promise him a nice cheesecake if he counts to the end #yekke Wink

That's yekke? I thought it was just one of my MIL's crazy made up "minhagim" (another one of her minhagim that I've eased out of our family - I think the only yekke minhag that I agreed to was only 3 hours between meat and milk Wink

)

imasinger

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 11:30 am

Sanguine wrote:

)

OOC, what's your opposition to this family minhag of MIL's? It sounds so cute and fun! I may have to try it.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 11:31 am

I think you are getting good advice here, but just wanted to validate your feeling upset about this.
Even if it is only a rabbinic mitzvah in our times, it is a time that we try to prepare and improve ourselves for receiving the Torah. if I felt that DH was just not interested in that at all, I would feel a lack of respct for him and also be very disappointed. Hugs!

sky

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 11:51 am

Sanguine wrote:

)

so funny. My DH's family is also yekke. They talk about the cheesecake after counting and I always thought it was a family joke. Didn't realize it was a yekke thing. [I didn't get the 3 hour minhag as the family gave that up in America, I believe R' Shwab told a grandfather to start keeping 6 for some reason]

Sanguine

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 12:35 pm

sky wrote:

Gave up the 3 hours??? Why do you think I married DH?? Isn't that the first point on the shidduch resume? We gave up washing before kiddush cause when we made aliya we first lived on a kibbutz and you eat together so we would have washed and waited quietly for half an hour waiting for them start kiddush (we didn't go back to it when we left kibbutz). One of my sons started wearing a talit after his Bar Mitzva cause he thought it was cool. That lasted about 1 year cause not too many boys do here. We eat chicken on Pesach, MIL never would. I heard that Breurs did away with the minhag cause it makes no sense these days - not MIL. I'm not opposed to minhagim (mine are OK Wink

), I just don't like the ones that make your life harder. Did you have a Chazan sing Shir HaMaalot at your wedding?

Sanguine

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 12:43 pm

imasinger wrote:

OOC, what's your opposition to this family minhag of MIL's? It sounds so cute and fun! I may have to try it.

I don't like MIL's minhagim cause she makes such a big deal about them. For 7 weeks we have to constantly discuss who's still counting and getting cheese cake. (I'm not the best DIL but she loves me cause I love her son and my kids are very loving to her Very Happy

)

sourstix

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 4:16 pm

[quote="amother"]New amother, but yes my husband does that to me. Most annoying.[/quote]

all couples have this. he reminds you bec he thinks you want that. or maybe ask him why he thinks its important to remind you. you may be surprized to hear why. you can casually say its annoying. you dont like it. dont do to him what he does to you its not he does so do I. its immature. discuss it. say you feel better remembering yourself. if he feels he needs to, then let him write a reminder on the fridge and it will be there to remember and he doesnt have to say it to annoy you.

amother

Pewter

Mon, Apr 13 2015, 7:00 pm

I wish that would've been my biggest problem. My husband is not going to shul during the week at all. Doesn't even daven Mariv. I used to be sick about it, still bothers me a lot. But what can I do??