BULLIES....and the Bullies who Begat Them

amother

Natural

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 2:53 pm

debsey wrote:

It's not always easy to tell the difference, but in the second case, you have to ask the school to take an active role. DS (same one as in first story) was being bullied on the bus and the mom of the kid basically said to me - I really have no control over him. Make a long story short, the school eventually insisted on that kid being in intensive therapy, and sent the mom to a parenting class (I know because I take the same class!) The mom told me she initially was upset, but now her son is much more manageable at HOME, because of all the intervention. I don't consider a mom like that the "enabling" mother, but either way, the school has to get involved.

I have this problem in my neighborhood. There's a kid who's already being therapied through the roof who verbally strikes out at other kids. I am in contact with the parents who do all they can. This is an issue for him, his own sort of special need, and the best way to deal with it is to separate him from others, which doesn't always work.

But here the parents are actively involved. I have dealt with other parents who are similarly dealing with a kid they can't control who have given up and will tell me that nothing will help, and does that mean their family can't go to the park? They are very, very tired, and will often let things go unless they get particularly bad in terms of what their child usually does, and then they remove the kid for as long as they can. Often, taking the child home whenever he acts wrongly means removing their entire family, which can be very challenging, even if it needs to be done.

They often don't even try to get an apology because they know it won't happen, and don't scold because they've given up believing it will help. It's very frustrating for the victim child and his parents. So when my special needs ds did something small to a child in the playground, I would not only move him, but sometimes scold him even if I knew it would mean nothing to him, just so the kid or parents would see me doing something.

But I can usually tell an entitled parent from a parent who has given up, even if as far as the victim is concerned, it's often the same thing.

debsey

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 3:47 pm

amother wrote:

As the mom of a kid who is being "therapied through the roof" I really think you STILL tell the parents. If it was MY kid I'd want to know, so I always tell.

Of course, there's telling and there's TELLING. There's "Yankele is such a lovely boy. Today, when he was playing with DS, it got a little heated and he hit DS. I'm SURE DS contributed as well, but I'd figure you'd want to know. We all have hard days sometimes..."
VS
YOUR SON hit my son. You REALLY need to TEACH him how to CONTROL HIMSELF ALREADY! Like, maybe get THERAPY or something......

Same point. Totally different message.