Do you keep your personal life completely private at work?

amother

Indigo

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 2:40 pm

I am wondering how common it is for people to keep their personal lives completely private, to the extent that their co-workers don't know if they are married, have kids...

The reason I'm wondering is because I've been working for 3 years in an office. I share an office with my supervisor, who is a Russian middle aged woman. I bring my son with me, and I have mentioned my other kids on occasion. I bring all my kids there on Purim to give her Mishloach Manos. She knows plenty about my family. Yet she has never mentioned a single thing about her life. I began to assume she had never been married, since she never mentioned a husband or children. I never even knew her last name until her mother died. Nobody from work was able to pay a shiva call because nobody knew her phone number or her mother's name or address- even though she's been working there for 30 years.

Today, someone asked her how her daughter is and she answered, "Which one? I have 2 daughters." It turns out they are both adults already.

I am shocked. It just seems so weird to me to have never mentioned a family. Is that really unusual?

amother

Copper

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 2:56 pm

I think it's pretty weird and that she never mentioned this . On the other hand , maybe it didn't come out in the discussion to talk about it . Or maybe she doesn't feel like sharing this , wich is odd . I work in a big company and everyone talks about their families

amother

Indigo

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 9:49 pm

sequoia wrote:

Yeah, sounds about right. [Some] Russians are like this.

I had a feeling it may have something to do with the fact that she's Russian.

I wanted to add that she and I are the only ones who share our office, so when we socialize there, it is with each other only. It's not like she may have told other people and not me. Also, she said today that her younger daughter lives with her. That makes it seem stranger to me that she never mentioned her at all.

zaq

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 10:27 pm

It's not usual but not unheard-of and is really the right thing to do. Your coworkers aren't your buddies. Many people do get chatty with coworkers and discuss their personal lives. Some even become personal friends and socialize outside of work, invite coworkers to their children's weddings and so forth, but that's a choice they make and not an obligation. Even though I like knowing something about my coworkers' personal lives if they volunteer the information (not when they offer TMI, like the coworker who said he was taking off because his wife had had a baby, and added "it wasn't planned" Rolling Eyes

like I really needed to know that), I admire people who are able to keep their personal lives out of the workplace. It's much more professional.

zaq

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 10:34 pm

Since sequoia brought it up, I have noticed that some people from the former Soviet Union are much more secretive than Americans (who are probably one of the most garrulous nations on the planet). I always assumed this was a direct result of having lived under Communism and the KGB, where loose lips could sink ships. It must be hard if not impossible to abandon the constraints of several generations of repression.

amother

Pearl

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:42 am

Right now taking care of my mil is my second full-time job and I have a coworker who is taking care of his mother.

We keep the conversation to a maximum of five minutes for tznius reasons. But I feel better about all the difficulties I have to deal with when he tells me the problems he has.

Otherwise I try not to talk about my personal life.

tovasara

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 9:22 am

I've worked in both types of atmospheres. years ago I used to work in a group where no one spoke to each other except about work. When I moved to a group that is very open about everything, it was very hard to get used to. Though it's a much friendlier group, I would go back to the other atmosphere in a minute. It's just safer, more professional, and less complicated. Especially for a frum woman.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 9:31 am

I am the type that will talk about my personal life with anyone. ( personal not private). My husband on the other hand will not. He is the boss and has many employees under him. Recently there was a work party and I went. Many of the workers were expressing shock that he is even married.

Shendellah

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 11:56 am

I am a blabber mouth! I can't help it but I wish I could keep my mouth closed! Especially since I became religious at my current workplace. I now know that some things are better kept private! Although I am very friendly with my manager and co-worker so I tend to keep being a blabber mouth- luckily they are nice and responsive! The next place I work- it will be a fresh start and I will try to learn to keep my mouth shut! Although I will always share information like I am married and have children.