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Teenager runs up bill unknowingly
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amother
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Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 11:09 pm
I do think he should pay it all back, but I don't think he should work for you for $5 an hour. He should be paid whatever you would pay someone else to do that job, so if you'd pay a babysitter $8/hr, that's what you give him for babysitting, and if you pay $20 to more the lawn, he gets the $20 forgiven from his debt to you.

Making his life easier is different from absolving him off all responsibility. He may not need to be sitting and learning all day every day - most kids need some sort of down time- but he does need to take responsibility for his actions during his down time and he needs to learn the value of money, both his own and other people's.

Don't make him feel terrible, empower him to fix what he did wrong and learn from his mistake for the future. And keep your dad out of it.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 11:36 pm
Having once racked up a bill this way, I can tell you that it really is possible to do this unknowingly.

I was trying to download 1 song and didn't want to get it bootlegged so I signed up for an account that I thought was $5 a month. I ended up being charged $35 a day for the next 4 days until I was alerted and cancelled the card.

So it might be a good idea to check the emailed receipts to see exactly how the charges came through and if it really was that many 5 dollar weapons.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 11:57 pm
MagentaYenta wrote:
If it was me I would not have him work it off. I would have him work to earn the $ to repay you, and then give the money to you. The CC company isn't going to let you work off the money he charged to your account. When a young person has to give up a considerable amount of money they earned, it's a lesson that won't be forgotten. He learns about labor, honoring debt and working for his $$. I agree with the other Imas about not disclosing to your father. I would also not give him any gift cards or spending $$ until his debt to you is paid off.


My father will ask for the money he earns. He has collected his money a few times and put it in the bank. He took all the money he earned last summer. My brother carries all his money with him because if my father sees it, he will take it. My brother will never have to opportunity to pay me back.

Are you saying I should tell my father about this bill?
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:06 am
You brother will never trust you again if you tell your father.
There's no point in telling on him, as part of this is your fault too, as a responsible adult, you should not have allowed your kid brother to have open access to your CC. (He's 9 not 19!)

I don't think he has to repay the entire amount either.


(Edited to correct that brother is 14, not 9)
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:08 am
amother wrote:
My father will ask for the money he earns. He has collected his money a few times and put it in the bank. He took all the money he earned last summer. My brother carries all his money with him because if my father sees it, he will take it. My brother will never have to opportunity to pay me back.

Are you saying I should tell my father about this bill?


I stated specifically that I agreed with the Imas that said not to disclose to your father.

I'm now out of this convo. I have very strong feelings about parents who take working kids money.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:24 am
amother wrote:
You brother will never trust you again if you tell your father.
There's no point in telling on him, as part of this is your fault too, as a responsible adult, you should not have allowed your kid brother to have open access to your CC. (He's 9 not 19!)

I don't think he has to repay the entire amount either.


My brother is 14. I agree this is my fault. What percent should he pay?
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:31 am
amother wrote:
My brother is 14. I agree this is my fault. What percent should he pay?


Omg sorry I don't know where I took it from that he's 9!
At 14 he should know a little better... But it is still extremely tempting obviously!
You're a good sister. Please don't tell you father. Do calm your brother.
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Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 1:54 am
I don't understand why didn't you just give him 10 or 20 dollars a month or even a prepaid card worth 40 dollars or less every few months. I would not give a 14 yo my credit card. They are not responsible at that age. When my 14 yo wants to but something for the game I look at the charge and even do it with him. I don't think he needs to pay it back. It was your mistake. Having to pay 300 is a huge burden for a child.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 6:46 am
OP here: I give him $20/25 a month. Don't prepaid credit cards have large fees?

How much does everyone think I should have him payback?
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 7:46 am
OP,

I actually think this is a good thing. This is a good time in his life to learn a lesson about wasteful spending, spending what you don't have and using someone else's money. While he racked up large bill he cannot afford, he owned up to his mistake and is willing to pay back his debt.

From what you reveal about his father, do not disclose it. It seems that no good will come from it.

I would definitely have him work off the money, less for you to be paid back (it doesn't sound like it's a big deal to you) but more to let the lesson sink in. Don't spend more than you can afford!

If you feel like the bill is too much, offer to split it with him.
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PAMOM




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 7:47 am
You can often get prepaid credit cards free from your bank (I get small ones from Wells Fargo as Chanukah gifts). If you have an Amex card, you can get them at no extra cost from AmEx. If your brother is 14, he can babysit and help clean. I'd arrange for him to work off at least 100.00.
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rosehill




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 8:08 am
Sounds like both of you learned a lesson here.

It doesn't sound like he was being actively irresponsible; these things are designed to fool you into spending more money than you might otherwise. He lacked the maturity, not the responsibility, to stay on top of it.
You can contact the vendors; their numbers should be on your statement. Often, they'll cancel some of the charges if you explain that they were mistakenly made by a minor. And definitely disable in-app purchases on his device.

Since you say you give him an allowance anyway, I would reduce the amount of that allowance by, say, $5-10 until 50% of the final amount is paid off. You're doing a nice thing for your brother, so I don't want to yell at you, but you need to take some responsibility for giving your card to a child.

You've both learned and grown from this experience. It doesn't sound like it will happen again.

JMHO.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 10:22 am
I agree to call the vendor. I once had a niece on my phone and she somehow purchased a game. I have no idea how, it was an old flip phone. I called the company and they removed the charge. If it was a one time thing over a short period of time they may do it.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:24 am
rosehill wrote:
Sounds like both of you learned a lesson here.

It doesn't sound like he was being actively irresponsible; these things are designed to fool you into spending more money than you might otherwise. He lacked the maturity, not the responsibility, to stay on top of it.
You can contact the vendors; their numbers should be on your statement. Often, they'll cancel some of the charges if you explain that they were mistakenly made by a minor. And definitely disable in-app purchases on his device.

Since you say you give him an allowance anyway, I would reduce the amount of that allowance by, say, $5-10 until 50% of the final amount is paid off. You're doing a nice thing for your brother, so I don't want to yell at you, but you need to take some responsibility for giving your card to a child.

You've both learned and grown from this experience. It doesn't sound like it will happen again.

JMHO.


Can I disable in-app purchases on someone else's phone? Will it show up some place that my father could see?

I only give my brother $5 a week cash so he has some pocket money. The credit card was supposed to let him go out and be able to spend a little. Being my father takes his money away, I didn't want to give him too much cash which is why I gave him the card. If I take away his cash and his credit card then he has no money because he doesn't get any at home. Should I take away half only? Should I take away the whole thing for a month and then give him half? Also, I don't think I should increase his spending cash now to take more away because then he gets a reward.

I will call the numbers right now.

Thank you for listening.
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melbee




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:07 pm
amother wrote:
Can I disable in-app purchases on someone else's phone? Will it show up some place that my father could see?

I only give my brother $5 a week cash so he has some pocket money. The credit card was supposed to let him go out and be able to spend a little.


If you gave him the CC so he could go out and spend a little, it doesn't seem like he was using it for the right reason. Was he out with friends and playing games on his phone? It sounds like he was using your card as his way to keep gaming, which is not why you gave him the card (maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I'm reading it). And he's assuming that you would ignore that since they're small charges. But they added up, so you noticed, and now he's in trouble. Honestly, I would have a talk with my brother about responsibility and trust. You gave him your card for a specific purpose and gaming wasn't it from what I can tell. I would take away the card until I could trust him to use it appropriately and check the statements when they come in to make sure he's not buying anything you didn't have in mind. A 14-year old with a carte blanch credit account can bring trouble.

Also, I don't know much about app games (I don't have any) but it sounds like they save your credit card information so just taking away the card won't be good enough. You will have to find a way to remove the card from his account or this will happen again. From what other Imas have said it sounds like that means taking off in-app purchases. Maybe someone here can better explain how to do that.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:17 pm
OP here: I called Apple. They took all the charges off. They also disabled the credit card on iTunes forever. They are emailing instructions how to disable app purchases. They said gift cards will work.

What should I do now?
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:30 pm
melbee wrote:
If you gave him the CC so he could go out and spend a little, it doesn't seem like he was using it for the right reason. Was he out with friends and playing games on his phone? It sounds like he was using your card as his way to keep gaming, which is not why you gave him the card (maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I'm reading it). And he's assuming that you would ignore that since they're small charges. But they added up, so you noticed, and now he's in trouble. Honestly, I would have a talk with my brother about responsibility and trust. You gave him your card for a specific purpose and gaming wasn't it from what I can tell. I would take away the card until I could trust him to use it appropriately and check the statements when they come in to make sure he's not buying anything you didn't have in mind. A 14-year old with a carte blanch credit account can bring trouble.



I help him out because he is a good boy and I know what it is like to never have any money when all your friends do. I always let him know that I see his charges. It was never more than $10 or $15 a month. He bought some games before from Nintendo which I was ok with because they are cheap. It is the amount of the charges that was upsetting me rather than that they were for gaming. He got carried away for 3 days because it was new.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:46 pm
Op- you asked a few times how much he should pay you back. Can you decide what would be the upper limit of how much you would be ok with him spending, let's say per month, and then have him pay you back the difference? Like if you wouldn't have minded of he spent $50 and he spent $275 he needs to pay you back $225 (in jobs for you since your dad takes away all of his cash?).

Or if you think he's learned his lesson and you're not stretched for the money, just forgive the debt, but make it clear that you're putting safeguards in place so it won't happen again, and tell him what to expect if it does, like no pocket money for a while or whatever.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:48 pm
While I am uncomfortable with a sibling stepping in where a parent is trying to do their job, it seems like your father's approach to finances isn't very healthy. The recommended way of helping kids learn about money seems to follow the formula of long term savings, short term savings, spending money, and charity. Seems like your father is forcing all savings. So I understand where you tried to come in as the rescuer. And I don't see much value in telling your father.

On the other hand, you have given him a credit card, which is not a good teaching tool because you don't track money left after spending against cash like with a checking account, cold hard cash, or a prepaid debit card AND all of the money he is spending with your permission is on what I consider frivolous stuff. If you were giving an allowance, instead, you could help him split it into spending and savings. But here he is spending on video games which isn't something I'd think anyone would want to encourage for a young adult.

Perhaps what you want to consider is a way for him to leave spending money with you. I hate, hate, hate to go behind someone's back, but if he is a counselor, maybe he can make sure 2/3s of the money is deposited to his checking for savings and 1/3 gets handed to him to keep at your home. Then when he wants to go out with friends, he can budget like a regular kid, but can't spend what he does not have on hand.

As you have taken the mentorship role, make sure that he is really learning about money in the adult lane.
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rosehill




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:50 pm
amother wrote:
OP here: I called Apple. They took all the charges off. They also disabled the credit card on iTunes forever. They are emailing instructions how to disable app purchases. They said gift cards will work.

What should I do now?


I'm glad it worked out. If you google it, you'll see that there was a whole scandal about this sort of thing. That's why Apple cancelled the charges so easily, and that's why I don't believe it's a reflection of his sense of responsibility or otherwise.

Since you keep repeating what a good boy he is, and he did feel bad and offer to pay back the money, I would tell him that the charges were cancelled, and he got lucky THIS TIME.

From now on, maybe give him a debit card to which you add however much money you think is appropriate each week. He can use it like a credit card, but when the money runs out, it's out.
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