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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
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amother
Coral
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 Thu, Apr 23 2015, 6:52 pm
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Bh we bought a house last year and we thought we could make it work but the bills are too much and the yeshivah is not giving a break on tuition. I had to take a job to try and help but the stress is literally eating me and effecting my whole family (think momster). This is not what I envisioned. And I keep getting all depressed and wishing I can rewind the clock. Can't bring this up to dh because it will make him feel he doesn't make enough. I hardly spend money- no new clothes for anyone for yom tov, basic basic meals (macaroni, etc), no cleaning help whatsoever, no date nights, etc. Wwyd? I can't manage
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November
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:09 pm
1. Speak to DH about it
2. Strategize together
3. Consider selling house
4. Ask DH for big hug
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asp40
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:26 pm
I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time.
A few ideas. Do you see the situation improving in the near future (better jobs, etc...)
Can you sell the house and is rent cheaper?
Can you homeschool so that you don't have to pay tuition?
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amother
Coral
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:39 pm
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Op here. Rent was a lot more which is why we bought. It is not fancy or big by any means. I don't see dh's job improving. And I wish I can work part time in my field but that doesn't exist and I didnt have children for someone else to raise so not interested in full time.
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MagentaYenta
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:43 pm
| amother wrote: | | Op here. Rent was a lot more which is why we bought. It is not fancy or big by any means. I don't see dh's job improving. And I wish I can work part time in my field but that doesn't exist and I didnt have children for someone else to raise so not interested in full time. |
How short are you on your monthly budget?
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amother
Coral
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:48 pm
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mille
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:53 pm
Your husband needs to own up to the truth - he DOESN'T make enough money. If you can't pay your bills on his salary and you can't/don't want to/etc work, then he doesn't make enough.
You need to have a frank conversation about your finances. The key point is that you cannot spend more than you make, and you currently do by a HUGE HUGE margin ($1500 OVER budget per month??). Something needs to give, and there needs to be a sacrifice somewhere. Maybe that is you working even though you don't like it (not a lot of sympathy on my part, the vast vast majority of women in my community work, even though sure, we'd all like to be home with the kids...), maybe that pulling your kids out of yeshiva and homeschooling (since you aren't working), maybe that is selling the house and moving to somewhere more affordable, maybe it's something else entirely.
You might find this post on Kosher on a Budget to be helpful: http://kosheronabudget.com/an-.....blem/
Sorry you are having tough time. You can definitely make it work, but you need your husband to be in it with you and you have to find a compromise that works for you as a family.
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mirror
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:55 pm
I hate to say this, but you may have no choice but to sell your house and move into a rental rather than lose your down payment.
Can you move to a neighborhood with lower rent? Lower tuition?
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justforfun87
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:03 pm
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Nobody wants to work full time but that is how the bills/mortgage gets paid.
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doctorima
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:07 pm
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It wouldn't be enough to cover the entire gap, but do you have a rentable basement, or could you make a private room for a college student to cover part of the gap through rent?
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amother
Coral
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:19 pm
| doctorima wrote: | | It wouldn't be enough to cover the entire gap, but do you have a rentable basement, or could you make a private room for a college student to cover part of the gap through rent? |
No, it's a very small house. And to the people that said sell - this is our only way to have something to live off of when we're older- as we can't save. And this is a cheap place to live. I would have to make over $70k in order to pay for my children I stay home with and then cover what I need.
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The Happy Wife
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:27 pm
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What do you currently do with the kids when you go to work?
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crumbcake
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:31 pm
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The school is making you pay full tuition? How much is that? How many kids are in school?
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TwinsMommy
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:36 pm
you'd need to make $70K to make paying for childcare worth it? How many little kids do you HAVE? seriously, if you make $40K and even $20K goes to childcare, isn't working worth the $40K if you really want to stay in your house?
My vote is to move someplace less expensive. We live in Cleveland and rent a decent sized house for the SAME RENT we paid to rent a tiny apartment in Los Angeles. We've got 2 kids in this house and TONS of space. I work part time from home which worked out great when my kids were little -- I didn't need babysitters so often.
Tuition is definitely a luxury--- at a $1500 gap a month, just pulling one or two kids out of yeshiva and homeschooling could really help.
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MagentaYenta
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:38 pm
| amother wrote: | | No, it's a very small house. And to the people that said sell - this is our only way to have something to live off of when we're older- as we can't save. And this is a cheap place to live. I would have to make over $70k in order to pay for my children I stay home with and then cover what I need. |
How much equity do you have in the home?
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cbg
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 9:56 pm
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Can you rent out the basement?
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MagentaYenta
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Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:02 pm
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If you have sufficient equity, you may want to rent the house out, and then move to a less expensive apt. You will be able to preserve your equity and have the loan debt serviced while you get your finances in order.
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self-actualization
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Fri, Apr 24 2015, 1:30 pm
Okay.
You are saying that buying was cheaper than renting, but you were okay last year and not okay this year. Is this because you were in an apartment last year and then buying was cheaper than renting a house? Also, did some of your kids start yeshiva so that now you are faced with looming tuition bills that you didn't have in the past?
Here are my pearls of wisdom gleaned from many years of thought:
1) Nobody's husband makes enough, unless they are a super-loaded nursing home magnate, which comes with its own problems, or they are a professional doctor or lawyer (and maybe not even then), which also comes with its own problems, such as lack of free time. Therefore, the other 95% need to be dual income families in order to afford yeshiva for the kids. In my neighborhood most of the women work, for this reason. Some women don't work, for the same reasons that you don't want to work (it's not their personality or worldview). They then gain time with their kids, and fresh food, but lose out because life is stressful financially. It's your choice.
2) Young children grow up, and one day you will no longer have any young children at home. So you should set up a 5 year plan in your head, or a 10 year plan, as to how you will approach this when that happens.
3) Buying a house is a smart decision for many reasons including not having to worry about rent going up, and benefitting from tax breaks and other things. So you did the right thing. Many couples are temporarily poorer after buying a house until they digest their new monthly expenses and plan accordingly.
4) Since it is extremely unlikely that your husband will earn $1500 more a month in the near future, you will need to find another source for this income. In addition, speak to other families about how they are managing in the same situation. It might help you calm down and think of some tactics vis a vis yeshiva - maybe you can work for the school in exchange for reduced tuitions.
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saw50st8
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Fri, Apr 24 2015, 2:23 pm
| amother wrote: | | Op here. Rent was a lot more which is why we bought. It is not fancy or big by any means. I don't see dh's job improving. And I wish I can work part time in my field but that doesn't exist and I didnt have children for someone else to raise so not interested in full time. |
Ultimately, it's both of your attitude that is a problem. Yes, your husband doesn't earn enough. Yes, you might need to get a full time job even if you hate it. I hate working and would quit in a heartbeat if I could. But, if I want the luxury of owning a home and sending my kids to yeshiva, I need to work full time.
My husband and I have reduced our child care hours by working slightly different shifts. I work 6:30-3:30 and he works 9-6 (or really as late as he needs to, often 9). This way, we don't need morning care and limited afternoon care.
Perhaps you can find work on an off shift.
Or you can pull your kids out of yeshiva to home school them so that your husband's salary is enough.
Life is full of tough decisions.
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amother
Chartreuse
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Fri, Apr 24 2015, 2:43 pm
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How long ago did you buy? It's not uncommon for there to be an uncomfortable adjusting period. So many things that we don't account for beyond the monthly mortgage payment. Utilities increased; having to pay for water (which most rentals cover), and then, of course, there are just the unexpected things that crop up that you have to pay for when you own. So here's the question: are you still in the adjustment period, or is this extra $1500 coming from expenses that are going to recur for the long term? When DH and I first bought, probably the first 6-8 months we were also somewhere between 1000 and 1500 per month short. BUT: we had a way to cover it (extra savings), and we knew that most of this were coming from temporary issues, not long-term recurring expenses. If you think it'll even out in a few months, keep belt-tightening and looking for ways to bring in extra cash on the side. But if this is the new reality of your budget, then yes, you're going to have to go to work, or else downsize.
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