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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
Queen18
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 Fri, Apr 24 2015, 3:50 pm
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If 1500 is your shortfall you need to work with that number and figure out how you will make it up. Even if it's a small house it's worth renting out the basement, garage, and/or driveway to make up for some of the shortfall without adding to your work hours. Additionally carefully go over your budget to see what can be cut. It is worth appealing to the yeshiva further if you just can't afford their price. Examine everything. Lastly, if you need to work - you need to work. While it may not be ideal given your current family situation losing the house and chance at financial security sounds infinitely worse.
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CPenzias
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Fri, Apr 24 2015, 6:27 pm
Public school
Shame on the yeshiva for not giving you a break!! You're not supposed to have a place for your children to live? I HATE the system
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amother
Turquoise
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Fri, Apr 24 2015, 6:38 pm
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Did you contact tomchei Shabbos or any other chessed organizations for help? It is part of what the community is all about. Don't be ashamed to ask.
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Barbara
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Sat, Apr 25 2015, 10:13 pm
| amother wrote: | | Op here. Rent was a lot more which is why we bought. It is not fancy or big by any means. I don't see dh's job improving. And I wish I can work part time in my field but that doesn't exist and I didnt have children for someone else to raise so not interested in full time. |
Why are you paying tuition if you're homeschooling? After all, if you're away from you kids, you're not raising them, someone else is. 😖. Honestly, do you know how offensive that is?
Here's the reality. You're living way above your means. To the tune of almost $20,000 a year. You need to either make more money, or spend less. By a lot. And no, your kids' schools are not likely to agree to pay your mortgage for you (I.e., reduce your tuition so you can pay the mortgage). So either (1) your husband needs to arrange a hefty raise; (2) he gets a second job; (3) you get a job; or (4) you sell the house.
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Barbara
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Sat, Apr 25 2015, 10:17 pm
| CPenzias wrote: | Public school
Shame on the yeshiva for not giving you a break!! You're not supposed to have a place for your children to live? I HATE the system |
You think that fiscally responsible parents should be forced to pay for fiscally irresponsible ones?
In that case, I think I'll go buy the 7 figure house I could afford if it weren't for tuition. I'm tired of living in a small apartment. You won't mind paying my tuition bills, will you?
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nywife
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Sat, Apr 25 2015, 10:58 pm
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Even if you worked part time a few hours a day, you could bring in 5-700$ a month. Yes, it's not going to cover everything, but it's a start. Money is tight for most people, everyone needs to work to make it work.
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nywife
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Sat, Apr 25 2015, 11:04 pm
| Barbara wrote: | You think that fiscally responsible parents should be forced to pay for fiscally irresponsible ones?
In that case, I think I'll go buy the 7 figure house I could afford if it weren't for tuition. I'm tired of living in a small apartment. You won't mind paying my tuition bills, will you? |
I agree. At first glance it's easy to say "THE YESHIVA IS WRONG!" but I think it is fair for a yeshiva to determine whether both parents are working. If the reason one or both aren't working isnt due to an extenuating circumstance, it is fair to deny some or all tuition break. Tuition breaks should go to those who are doing 110% to make it work and are still falling short.
OP, the hard truth is that we'd all like to be home with our families but unfortunately the bills don't get paid that way.
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shoshanim999
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Sat, Apr 25 2015, 11:10 pm
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OP can u clarify what u mean when u say "The yeshiva won't give us a break". Do u mean that ur paying FULL tuition while u can barely pay for food??? I find that hard to believe.
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amother
Beige
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Sat, Apr 25 2015, 11:17 pm
| shoshanim999 wrote: | | OP can u clarify what u mean when u say "The yeshiva won't give us a break". Do u mean that ur paying FULL tuition while u can barely pay for food??? I find that hard to believe. |
But you also have to look at the fact that she's not working... I work part time, literally a few hours a week. It brings in about 350$ a month which is peanuts. But these peanuts buy our groceries.
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mommyla
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Sat, Apr 25 2015, 11:37 pm
Sorry, OP, I have to agree with Barbara. Nobody has children "for someone else to raise" but you can't expect the school (or Tomchei Shabbos, for that matter) to pay for you to stay home. I get it, I was a SAHM and now a WAHM and staying home with my kids is so important to me, but if you're $1500 short every month something's gotta give.
Forget about working part-time in your field, work part-time in anything. I don't work in the field that I was educated in but I've found a new "field" that allows me flexible part-time hours. You can tutor, you can proofread, you can sell something from your home, you can get a job on Sunday when your husband is home, you can even babysit someone else's baby. But it's obvious that you need to start making more money, and NOW.
It's more important that your kids be fed and clothed and not living in a family destroyed by debt.
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SRS
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 12:02 am
Sorry you are in a pickle OP. I'm a little baffled and usually when details are baffling to the reader, they aren't clear to you. So defining the issue for yourself is your starting point for having the necessary discussion and strategy session with your husband. You say that rent cost more than buying and that now that you have bought, and are presumably saving on housing, that you have a $1500 shortfall.
Did you have a shortfall before you bought the home?
Did the shortfall emerge after you bought the home and took a job and started paying childcare costs?
Did the yeshiva start charging you more after you bought a home or did you just presume that when your child(ren) went into this school that the school would work around your expenses?
Some thoughts:
You need to speak and work together with your husband. Yes, he alone cannot support a wife, a home, children, and yeshiva. And he need not be made to feel bad about that or blamed for the situation. Most people cannot support all of that, especially yeshiva. Choose your words carefully, but you need him on the team. You can cut back on spending for yom tov and for food, but if he does not know the extent of the situation, he cannot do his part. The right hand has to know what the left hand is doing.
I can't tell if you are currently working or not. If you are currently working, don't quit your job. You might just be on a rough learning curve and will conquer it before you know it.
If you are not working, figure out what you can do to bring in extra money while you are at home with your young kids, even if it is out of your field. An evening or weekend shift in retail, nannying a neighbor baby in your home, providing back office support on off hours, teaching Hebrew school in a Reform or Conservative synagogue (pays well and I can think of tons of people who have done it for the extra money). I would set a goal regarding one bill to pay, achieve that goal, and move to the next goal. So if you aren't contributing now, set a goal of $250 to pay utilities or $400 to pay for food and diapers, or whatever you can and work to take that burden off your husband.
You may need to consider cashing out on the home and moving. I think this is a move of last resort because closing on a home is really expensive and getting out can be even more expensive. Perhaps you need 1-2 years of relief and should consider public school or homeschooling (not that the two belong in the same sentence), the idea being that you need a break from tuition for now.
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imaima
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 12:27 am
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Just want to point it out to you that if you have become a momster, why not let someone else raise yourkids while you are out there bringing income? It doesn't have to be forever. Maybe a couple of years till you can afford to quit.
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Barbara
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 12:46 am
| amother wrote: | | But you also have to look at the fact that she's not working... I work part time, literally a few hours a week. It brings in about 350$ a month which is peanuts. But these peanuts buy our groceries. |
It's not just that she's not working. Although I do believe that should always be taken into account. In financial aid decisions.
If she said that her husband's salary or hours had been cut, or he lost her job, or they had unexpected medical expenses, that's one thing.
But based on what we've heard so far -- and we all know that stories change and evolve over time -- all that's changed is that they bought a house, and now they're $1,500 short a month. That tells me that they couldn't afford the house. And I don't think that schools need to step in and ask other parents or donors to pick up the tab for that.
I guess that sounds harsh. But the fact is that the money has to come from somewhere. And it's ridiculous to tell people that others should always step in in cases where the OP doesn't want to do it herself.
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mommy321
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 5:33 am
OP, it sounds like you and your husband, like MANY of us, went into marriage/kids without a solid understanding of personal finance. Those of you who are giving her nasty answers really don't get it. She has no clue what she's doing wrong and your attitude is not helping.
My husband and I were in the same situation (except no house or tuition, but still, not managing basic finances and business loan payments) and what helped is Dave Ramsey. He has a website, a radio show, books, all about this topic. Ignore the harping on this forum and just start reading what he has to say to get on the right track.
One of his pearls of wisdom is that we all feel guilty paying rent because it's 'throwing money away' but there are so many hidden expenses you're avoiding by renting, that hit only when you're a home owner, and can put you in major debt. We're following his advice now by forgetting about owning for as long as it takes to get rid of any debt, then build an emergency fund, and then build wealth.
I'm not saying you need to sell your house because I don't know if that's what Dave would say, or if he'd say keep the house but revamp everything else you're doing. He's very anti-debt but sometimes he says mortgages are an exception, especially if you already have it.
You can also call in to his radio show and ask him what to do with the house.
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amother
Ecru
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 8:19 am
| mommy321 wrote: | OP, it sounds like you and your husband, like MANY of us, went into marriage/kids without a solid understanding of personal finance. Those of you who are giving her nasty answers really don't get it. She has no clue what she's doing wrong and your attitude is not helping.
My husband and I were in the same situation (except no house or tuition, but still, not managing basic finances and business loan payments) and what helped is Dave Ramsey. He has a website, a radio show, books, all about this topic. Ignore the harping on this forum and just start reading what he has to say to get on the right track.
One of his pearls of wisdom is that we all feel guilty paying rent because it's 'throwing money away' but there are so many hidden expenses you're avoiding by renting, that hit only when you're a home owner, and can put you in major debt. We're following his advice now by forgetting about owning for as long as it takes to get rid of any debt, then build an emergency fund, and then build wealth.
I'm not saying you need to sell your house because I don't know if that's what Dave would say, or if he'd say keep the house but revamp everything else you're doing. He's very anti-debt but sometimes he says mortgages are an exception, especially if you already have it.
You can also call in to his radio show and ask him what to do with the house. |
Try Mesilla for orthodox jews. This takes into account the uneven spending.
OP get rid of the cleaning help if you have any.
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amother
Magenta
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 8:27 am
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Just curious did you buy a house in the city or a area like Monsey with very high property tax? When you purchased your house did you caculate the property tax into the mortgage payment with the homeowners insurance?
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mommy321
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 1:20 pm
Having read both 'Your Money and Your Life' (Mesila) and 'Total Money Makeover' (Dave Ramsey), I think they're both important reads, but Dave Ramsey gives you more practical goals to work with if you can only afford one of the two.
The hashkafah is great in Mesila, though- like I said, both are worth reading.
re: uneven spending, non-Jewish finance books cover that as well because they have 'holiday seasons'/summer vacations too.
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CPenzias
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 1:34 pm
| Barbara wrote: | You think that fiscally responsible parents should be forced to pay for fiscally irresponsible ones?
In that case, I think I'll go buy the 7 figure house I could afford if it weren't for tuition. I'm tired of living in a small apartment. You won't mind paying my tuition bills, will you? |
Can you please explain where in my comment you thought I said that fiscally responsible parents should pay for irresponsible ones? Seriously! Give me a break. The system sucks. The op bought a house that's going to cost less than rent (ssomething that we just did as well so I understand it) I am pretty sure that she's not being fiscally irresponsible. I feel as though finances should get looked in to to determine whether or not parents who are asking for a break are being responsible. If they're not being responsible (ie having a kid every year when they can't afford it, going on lavishvacations and living beyond their means then they obviously shouldn't get a tuition break. I'm sorry but I feel like tuition costs are insane. My son is in public school. I waited a long time till I took the plunge to have my second gorgeous and delicious baby (they're 7.5 years apart) and I can't afford yeshiva so I send to public school. My husband and I both work really hard and I don't feel like crying poverty. It's more important to have a place to live and food on the table than a yeshiva tuition. That's why I say shame on the system. If it wasn't so crazy expensive my son would be in one.
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Raisin
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 5:22 pm
| Barbara wrote: | You think that fiscally responsible parents should be forced to pay for fiscally irresponsible ones?
In that case, I think I'll go buy the 7 figure house I could afford if it weren't for tuition. I'm tired of living in a small apartment. You won't mind paying my tuition bills, will you? |
I hope you are not planning on sending your kid to Harvard or Yale or any university, I hear they give scholarships too to students from poor homes.
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LittleDucky
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Sun, Apr 26 2015, 6:03 pm
| CPenzias wrote: | | Can you please explain where in my comment you thought I said that fiscally responsible parents should pay for irresponsible ones? Seriously! Give me a break. The system sucks. The op bought a house that's going to cost less than rent (ssomething that we just did as well so I understand it) I am pretty sure that she's not being fiscally irresponsible. I feel as though finances should get looked in to to determine whether or not parents who are asking for a break are being responsible. If they're not being responsible (ie having a kid every year when they can't afford it, going on lavishvacations and living beyond their means then they obviously shouldn't get a tuition break. I'm sorry but I feel like tuition costs are insane. My son is in public school. I waited a long time till I took the plunge to have my second gorgeous and delicious baby (they're 7.5 years apart) and I can't afford yeshiva so I send to public school. My husband and I both work really hard and I don't feel like crying poverty. It's more important to have a place to live and food on the table than a yeshiva tuition. That's why I say shame on the system. If it wasn't so crazy expensive my son would be in one. |
I think the difference is that she refuses to work. That is a luxury. Owning a home is a luxury- one that seems to cost 1500 a month- so for her it wasn't financially sound to buy. Yes, tuition is outrageous but one way for it to decrease is for everyone to use their $$ better. (Including myself in this...) I am not saying how you should spend your money- just don't spend more than you take in. Have an emergency fund. Save now for expenses you know you will have in the next few years (Simchas, college, tuition, eventually the car will need to be replaced...).
Now, this is also for the schools- they need to budget better. So much waste goes on it is crazy...
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