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Asking host to watch/listen for sleeping 1.5 yr old
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:06 am
Do you think it's ok to ask my host where I am sleeping for shabbos to listen out for my toddler Friday night? He will be sleeping and usually sleeps straight thru the night....we will be across the street and check on him every half hour or so....other wise I'd have to make my toddler walk there and back cuz no eiruv.....he will probably be very tired....
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joy613




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:11 am
I wouldn't appreciate it if I was the host.

I would not ask that of a host especially if it's someone who I am placed at and I don't even know.
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joy613




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:13 am
Also,
Quote:
he usually sleeps through the night
famous last words.
There is something about a strange bed in a strange house that makes kids wake up loads of time. This is from my experience (as a guest and hostess).
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:14 am
leave it up to your host. whenever we have gone anywhere for shabbos with little children (even not so little) our hosts have asked us if we want to leave the kids with them friday night. weve never asked. as a host I would definitely offer.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:14 am
nope. make him walk.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:29 am
eema of 3 wrote:
leave it up to your host. whenever we have gone anywhere for shabbos with little children (even not so little) our hosts have asked us if we want to leave the kids with them friday night. weve never asked. as a host I would definitely offer.


I think its fine if your host offers.

I think it puts the host in an awkward position if you ask. They might not feel comfortable babysitting, but would feel like heels saying no. So OP definitely shouldn't ask.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:33 am
Put him in your bed where you will be.

One of you sleep on the floor.

It won't kill anybody and it will cut down on miseries all around. The kid could wake up in a strange place and with no parent in sight. You really don't want to deal with what comes after that for months. Who needs an upset kid? This is a recipe for problems.

You don't have to tell your host one of you will be on the floor. They might get all squeamish and apologetic. Fudge the details.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:42 am
When I host sleeping company I do not expect to babysit - but I say so upfront so that those making a Simcha place a couple that does not need babysitting with me.

The guest area in my house is no where near our living quarters, and I wouldn't be able to hear a crying baby. Our guests are really getting their own private quarters (and many of them appreciate that!) but I can't keep going down the stairs to the guest area while having a Shabbos meal dedicated to my own family. And since we host guests frequently (we live right near and in the Eruv of a much-used Simcha hall) we can't have these disruptions on an almost-weekly basis. (last summer my guest room was occupied every.single.week.)

I once had an experience with a couple whose baby "sleeps thru the night"....well, the baby cried and I was up with him until his parents came home Friday night after midnight. Then the next day, I got no nap because I was babysitting till after 4 p.m. when their meal ended....and when my family was no longer in quiet mode so I could rest. They came back late after Shabbos, too....I was exhausted. To top it off, I was in the early stages of pg with my DD and I wasn't supposed to do much at the time (I have complications and restrictions in early pg....) My DH was practically hysterical at the situation, and has since put his foot down.

It might be better if those who place you ask your hosts....less awkward, they can say no.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:05 pm
Nope. I was asked to host a family of 5 for a local Bar Mitzva, and the mother wanted me to watch her 18 month old both Friday night and Shabbos day. I said no, I go to shul on Shabbos (a different shul than the one she was going to), so she said "Oh, so you can watch her Friday night". I said I was uncomfortable watching a child I had never met before on Friday night with no way to reach her (my husband would be in shul as well, my kids are little so I couldn't even leave them if I had to call her in an emergency), not mentioning the fact that I was pregnant, had my own little kids, had to prepare for the meal - they were also eating with us for both meals, and quite frankly didn't want to watch her child as well. She said to me "she only cries if she's hungry or tired or dirty" (!) and when I suggested she leave another child home with the baby to be a familiar face (and so pregnant busy me doesn't have to keep entertaining her child or running up the stairs to catch her) she was not willing. Suffice to say that I was completely taken advantage of in a whole host of ways, but this was something I would not do. If you're just across the street, toddler should be able to manage to cross the road at the end of the meal, arrange for a non-Jew to do it (ask you LOR), or make different plans.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:18 pm
if you are friends with the host and it is close enough that they can call you easily if the baby wakes up, I think it is ok. I would definitely not do it if I was eating far away.
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rachel91




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:25 pm
Depends what your relationship with the host is, usually the hosts offer, if not then I probably wouldn't ask, again depends on the relationship.
I ( as a host) wouldn't have a problem with it at all.
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Mimisinger




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:27 pm
I've hosted lots of people. People I know, people I don't know. Random people. I've never been asked this, nor have I ever asked it of someone else. Why would I trust someone I never met with my child?
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:28 pm
I don't think chayellas horrible experience is relevant...in your case if the baby wakes up either the host can come and call you, or you will be home within half an hour. (But do keep your word and come and check every half hour...it can be easy to get caught up in a simcha.)
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:33 pm
Op here Ok I am eating literally across the street, son will be sleeping, they can get me pretty easily, and I or dh will go check at least every half hour. Is that really so bad if the host offers I cam leave him??
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STMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 1:05 pm
I think at minimum you should bentch after the meal, before dessert, so you are not lingering and taking advantage of the host.
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rosehill




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 1:12 pm
There was a post here a while back from a woman who was the hostess in a similar scenario. IIRC, in that situation, the guests were sleeping in the basement, and her bedroom was on the top floor. So she didn't feel she could go to bed until the parents came home, and she was less than happy about that.
If they offer, I think it's fine, but I don't think its ok to ask.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 1:20 pm
Raisin wrote:
I don't think chayellas horrible experience is relevant...in your case if the baby wakes up either the host can come and call you, or you will be home within half an hour. (But do keep your word and come and check every half hour...it can be easy to get caught up in a simcha.)


I just wanted to explain that a host can have good reasons to say no. If I had been asked (I wasn't - I was put on the spot) I would've said no. I felt pressured, because the baby was "going to be sleeping" anyway.

I have had the experience of being lectured by someone asking me to host, when I said I don't do babysitting (You wouldn't do this Chessed?) You don't know what's going on by "yenem" and what they can handle, and why (no one but to doctor, DH and myself knew I was pg after a long IF wait, and the restrictions I was under).
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 1:20 pm
Barbara wrote:
I think its fine if your host offers.

I think it puts the host in an awkward position if you ask. They might not feel comfortable babysitting, but would feel like heels saying no. So OP definitely shouldn't ask.

I meant leave it up to the host as in follow their lead. If they offer that's fine, but if not don't ask.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 1:28 pm
Chayalle wrote:
I just wanted to explain that a host can have good reasons to say no. If I had been asked (I wasn't - I was put on the spot) I would've said no. I felt pressured, because the baby was "going to be sleeping" anyway.

I have had the experience of being lectured by someone asking me to host, when I said I don't do babysitting (You wouldn't do this Chessed?) You don't know what's going on by "yenem" and what they can handle, and why (no one but to doctor, DH and myself knew I was pg after a long IF wait, and the restrictions I was under).


Absolutely, op should ask and only go ahead if the hosts are 100% on board with it.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 2:03 pm
Never would I sleep on the floor, or ask my husband to, c'v.
So, if it means we're not going to live at someone for a chag or vacay, so be it.
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