Hachnassas Kallah dilemma - WWYD?

amother

Mint

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 5:07 pm

Mazel tov! A friend of mind who is a much older single (think 40s) is a kallah! Here's my dilemma:

We both lived in the same city when we were single and she stayed by me for Shabbos a lot (I lived within the eruv, she didn't). When I got married, she had just moved to another city 3 hours away, but she came in for my wedding and drove back that night to start work at her new job the next day. It was so, so kind of her.

Now she's getting married in two months, and I want to make it really wonderful for her. Her parents have both passed away and the rest of her family is not frum. I've been with her through dating multiple guys who were not for her, and am so happy she's finally found someone.

However... I have a newborn baby and now live in a different country. Going to the wedding would involve an international flight, and I'd be alone with the baby because my husband cannot get time off work. We have friends in the city where the wedding will be held, so I'd have a place to stay, but the flight would be very expensive and I really don't want to be without my husband and flying with the baby for the first time by myself.

On one hand, she sacrificed to come to my wedding and I want to make hers a really leibdik simcha. On the other hand, it will be expensive. On the other hand, that's why we have money, to use it to do good things. On the other hand, ... Smile

So, WWYD? Go to the wedding? Stay home? If I stay home, on top of sending a nice gift, is there something else I could do to make her day extra special?

Posting now because, in a rare occurrence, I'm actually ready for Shabbos early and want to write it out while it's on my mind. B"N, I'll bump Motzei Shabbos.

singleagain

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 5:11 pm

If you have the means and time, I think it would mean a lot to your friend if you could go. You say you have a place to stay, so hopefully, these friends could help out with the baby.

If you find that it really is not feasible to go, send a nice gift, and see, if you can get someone to Skype you into the wedding during a dance or something....

oliveoil

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 5:15 pm

Give the situation you describe, I think it's really important that you go.

Sadie

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 2:01 pm

You should go! It will be hard but so worth it!

vicki

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 2:44 pm

I agree. Go if it is possible logistically and financially. There are sometimes hard things to do that one is so so happy they did after the fact. This might be one of them.

abound

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 2:47 pm

The hardship you will have will not be remembered in a few months, the happiness she will have from you being there will be in her memories for years.

Imogen

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 5:21 pm

Good luck, and go!! Very Happy

amother

Mint

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 9:44 pm

OP here:

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I really like the perspective that I will forget any hardships shortly, but the memories and the mitzvah last forever. Such good advice!

So I guess you know to look out for my next thread "Need Tips for International Travel with an Infant - HELP!" Smile

May we all merit to be a part of many such simchas!

morah

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 9:49 pm

Traveling with an under 6 months infant is pretty much the easiest age (till you have kids old enough to deal with the discomfort and annoyance without melting down). The hardest part is carrying all the stuff, but the baby will be easy.

amother

Yellow

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 10:57 pm

I say go. doing a big chesed. doing chesed doesn't always come easy....; but what Z'chus you will reap!!!
hope it all works out in the end!!! enjoy!!!

amother

Dodgerblue

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 11:31 pm

yup go! At that age there are less people to be there as the kallah friends and you say she doesn't even have family. If you got married at an older age it was probably even harder for her to come your your wedding than you hers from your description of the situation. It will be tough but well worth it!