Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
In shadow of the talented



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 11:11 am
My 12 yr dd lives in the shadow of her very talented 9 year old sister… ( younger sis. Is charismatic, creative, paints, writes, creates songs and does all sorts of crafts is funny and loved by all)
It really knocks her sense of self. Any suggestions of extra activities I can enroll her in so she can shine anywhere…
Here’s what we tried..
Swimming – she is scared ( I might bribe her into it though cuz I think it’s important)
Gymnastic- she has zero ( I mean zero) to show for it
Painting – she only went once and doesn’t like
Music- she doesn’t wanna have the headache of practicing
So… I’m looking for something that is light and fun and doesn’t need to be practiced. ( homework..) something that she can do…
Or any other ideas…
I’m open to suggestions
Thank you ladies!!
Back to top

yenny




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 11:28 am
Baking
Does she like kids? maybe she can babysit or help mothers with little kids and get paid. My daughter does that (without pay)and feels great about it.
Back to top

Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 11:52 am
I like the babysitting idea.... I wonder if it can work out somehow... pls post more ideas... I'm so greatful~!
I was thinking of baking but she is a bit clumsy when it gets to baking.. although maybe I need to learn to be easier on her...
Back to top

little_mage




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 11:53 am
I don't have a lot of specific suggestions, but if younger sis is very crafty/artistic, then it might be a good idea to try to find something completely different for the older one, so that she can differentiate her self more.
Back to top

amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:07 pm
When my daughter bakes I have in mind that it's an activity for her and not looking for the end product. Let her find a recipe she likes she has to arrange the ingredients,supplies. if it comes out good, fantastic if not, it was fun. Yes I make her clean up but I help her with that ,so the bulk of it is still loads of fun.

As per babysitting be part of it. my daughter loves doing crafts with the little children she helps. I purchased some cheap supplies-it's cheaper than classes the kids and mothers adore her.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:10 pm
Imhappy! wrote:
I like the babysitting idea.... I wonder if it can work out somehow... pls post more ideas... I'm so greatful~!
I was thinking of baking but she is a bit clumsy when it gets to baking.. although maybe I need to learn to be easier on her...


You might be onto something here. Do you think you might be subconsciously comparing her to her younger sister?

So she's clumsy, big deal. Everyone is clumsy at first. That's how we learn. If she spills, hand her a cleaning rag and don't worry about it. Cleaning up is part of learning how to cook. If she chops the veggies too large, show her how to hold the knife and dice smaller.

Most importantly, remember that she is her own person. Find out what makes her happy, and then roll with it. Don't expect her to become an expert in anything, just let her enjoy the activity for it's own sake. She'll find her stride in her own time.

I know how hard it is. My younger sister was always the "perfect one", and I grew up hearing "why can't you be more like your sister?" Sometimes my mom said it in jest, but it hurt just as much as when she said it in frustration. I'm not saying that you actually say this, but sometimes actions can give the exact same message.

Remember to value her as a unique individual, and you can't go wrong. You are an AWESOME mom for being aware of this dynamic in the first place, and good for you for wanting more insight! Very Happy
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:12 pm
PS: Being 12 stinks! It's such a hard age. Hormones and growth spurts will make her naturally awkward, so try not to draw attention to it. Cut her a little extra slack until she grows into her new body.
Back to top

Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:28 pm
luv ya FF!!
youre awesome!! ( really!!)
you're right on target on both... me subconsiously comparing here (its tough... any tast completed by her sister gets done quicker. better and without all the attitude..)
and its a lot the age...
it hurt reading what you wrote but THANKS A WHOLE LOT!
Back to top

Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:29 pm
amother wrote:
When my daughter bakes I have in mind that it's an activity for her and not looking for the end product. Let her find a recipe she likes she has to arrange the ingredients,supplies. if it comes out good, fantastic if not, it was fun. Yes I make her clean up but I help her with that ,so the bulk of it is still loads of fun.

As per babysitting be part of it. my daughter loves doing crafts with the little children she helps. I purchased some cheap supplies-it's cheaper than classes the kids and mothers adore her.


this is actually a great idea... cuz she loves being bossy! and little kids enjoy the entertainment... I just needa get the right age group for her.... thanks for the idea!
Back to top

Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:30 pm
little_mage wrote:
I don't have a lot of specific suggestions, but if younger sis is very crafty/artistic, then it might be a good idea to try to find something completely different for the older one, so that she can differentiate her self more.

yes!!
Back to top

amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:40 pm
Any time,were in the same boat. Don't get kids too old bc they can be very obnoxious. Pre school is great. After teaching them about Yom tov for a few days, my daughter took them to the store to get them each a prize,
for a good behavior contest. Get her a case for her stuff and let her come to the store with you. The cheap dollar stores have a treasure of things to work with. Tell yourself that each session is like a class that you would have paid for anyway.
Try the baking, it's before shouvuos nows the time to try some dairy stuff. Shell feel great on the chag if pple see her delicious cheese stuff. And get out of the room while she works ,but be available to answer questions .
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:47 pm
What has she enjoyed in previous years?

Other possibilities (I like the babysitting and baking ideas)

Sewing
If it is the type in your community, a team sport
Is she good at organization? Many people would value her ability.

What do her teachers see as her strengths?
Back to top

Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 2:01 pm
Is she brainy? Is she better in gross motor, or fine motor skills? Is there something to prepare her for extracurricular highschool activities, music, dance acting, photography, scrapbook...
If you can figure the skills so she can direct the school performance, or at least a part...
Get her a summer job as a junior counselor in a camp.
Lead bnos groups on shabbos.
Back to top

mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 5:01 pm
why not ask her if there are any activities she's interested in? what does she want to do? not everyone needs set activities, she may not really want them. but if she asks for a particular activity, make it known that she will be expected to do any practicing/homework that goes with it. teach her how to schedule practice in.
Back to top

seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 8:30 pm
I may be going out on a limb here but perhaps a child like this would benefit more from the knowledge (and the adults around her need to know it first) that you don't need a special talent or anything to be comfortable with the way you are. There is a lot to love about being a "normal" low-key person. At the end of the day what shines the brightest are the ones with nice middos, positive attitudes, and generous spirits. Maybe instead of going crazy looking for the thing she can "shine" in, focus on just enjoying an activity. The desire to shine can suck all the joy out of any hobby, besides making it less likely to actually happen since it is very rare to shine at the beginning of anything new and someone who is only looking to shine will probably get discouraged long before it happens. Maybe she needs to be appreciated for who she is instead of made over into some shiny talent. I suspect that when she gains internal self-confidence she will probably also end up finding a hobby to enjoy.

I am no expert, this is just a thought.

Perhaps try getting her involved in a charitable campaign. These often do not require any special talent and they are VERY shiny, when people hear that a young person has taken initiative for a charitable cause they are always impressed. Nobody notices or cares if the collected/created/donated fleece blankets or canned foods or whatever were the most artistic or perfectionist.
Back to top

zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 27 2015, 9:13 pm
How about growing plants? Just for the fun of it, please, not for blue ribbons at the 4H club. Indoor or outdoor, foliage plants, vegetables, flowers, herbs, legumes, she can plant seeds, carrot tops, sweet potato slices, seeds from any veggie you eat, fruits also, flower seeds that you buy, just to see what develops. IIRC chic peas yield a rather pretty plant with fern-like fronds. Lemons have lovely glossy dark leaves. If she never grows a single tomato she may still get an interesting vine, and if she gets a pumpkin the size of a potato it'll still be a thrill. Try to make it about discovery, finding out what happens, not about getting a fruit or flower you can use, though it helps to try a few flowers like morning glories and nasturtiums that are very easy to grow in a pot or in the ground, germinate quickly for (almost) instant gratification and aren't fussy about care.


comes up.
Back to top

Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 01 2015, 10:19 am
thank you all for taking time to reply to my post. I really really appreciate all replies.
I like the ideas about not being busy with her "shining" anywhere and getting involved in charity/chesed is a great idea and that will boost her self image...
I cant ask her what she likes to do b/c she doesnt know... she never had talant or success with any particular thing b/c she doesnt have the motivation to follow through.
I actually implemented one of the ideas above ( wrote all about it then deleted cuz dont wanna give tmi about myself...
please accept my thanks!
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
ISO talented Decorator, easily reachable, w. reasonable fees
by amother
7 Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:17 am View last post
Time Sensitive. What should I buy DS's shadow (sayat)
by amother
3 Thu, Dec 07 2023, 7:49 pm View last post
Job for extremely talented guy
by amother
5 Mon, Aug 07 2023, 9:53 am View last post
Talented Keyboard player available for tonight or tomorr
by 4health
0 Mon, Mar 06 2023, 6:08 pm View last post
Shadow for preschooler
by amother
12 Thu, Mar 02 2023, 11:36 pm View last post