Is there a perfect shul

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ruby slippers

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 10:16 am

Do you feel you have a top notch shul- where there is no talking or hardly any, Yiras shamayim, and a rav who the congregation sees as a leader and respects and listens to? Please share where that is???

Maya

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 10:46 am

Talking in the men's or the women's section?

ruby slippers

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 10:53 am

either or....

water_bear88

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 11:06 am

I'd love to know, too. Of the shuls near us, all have talking. I've also noticed it's worst in the 45+ crowd- is this a generational gap, or do women just stop caring at some point?

ruby slippers

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 11:34 am

That's funny- I have noticed it in the younger crowd, it is especially driving me batty to see fathers of newborns wheeling their strollers into shul (literally in the sanctary!) as well as toddlers being brought in by fathers. I get bringing them in for the end of davening where there is singing etc. but why are coming with them for shacharis??? It is unfair to the child to ask them to stay quiet that long when adults can't even do it.
It was a bad shul week last week ands its so frustrating. You want to say something, but are hoping the leadership of the shul does it, because what is going to come out of my mouth will not be good.

ruby slippers

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 11:35 am

On the same note- what do you say to the teens who keep talking- one really needs to be delicate.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 11:48 am

add to that- says hello to people after shul... where I live I can think of a shul like what the op described but my dh finds it incredibly "cold" and has no interest in davening in such a place.... when I was in Monsey I davened at a little shteibel type place near albert drive where I didn't hear talking during shul but everyone was very friendly afterwards... I also liked a shul in KGH's where the Rabbi! came over to me to say welcome. I do think they exist....

ruby slippers

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 11:53 am

yes- that too.... but I can only deal with one issue at a time Very Happy

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 12:09 pm

I think if you live in a place with multiple shuls you might find one with minimal talking. if there are only "community" shuls- then probably not.

notshanarishona

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 12:14 pm

I don't think there is any perfect but some are better than others.
Generally a smaller shul with no kiddush is more likely to have less talking but also less likely to have a big rav on top of it.
Generally in big commuity shuls a lot of ppl come for socializing or for kiddush after which detracts a lot from the atmosphere.

amother

Pink

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 12:45 pm

Is it only me who feels the more spiritual Shuls where people are very into the davening and dont talk (most Brooklyn Shuls), are the Shuls where new people feel unwelcome especially if you dont look like everyone else in the Shul and dont know anyone there?

chani8

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 12:48 pm

I think it's a generational thing, because the women my age have learned that community is as important as davening, whereas the older than us crowd were raised to be uptight in shul, and the younger ones sit and judge each other (and themselves) so they're like taught strings ready to snap at any little distraction.

chani8

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 12:52 pm

Maybe the solution for this is ear plugs. Then you could choose a shul for other reasons, like friendliness of the congregants perhaps.

Mimisinger

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 1:01 pm

There is one. Unfortunately, we don't live there any more.

Ishei Yisrael in Kew Garden Hills Queens. Rabbi Marcus

water_bear88

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 1:13 pm

Chani, I've been in shuls with little talking where people were friendly (not in my current neighborhood, unfortunately). Yedidya in Yerushalayim is one of those- the shul does have a strong sense of community. There, an announcement is made at the end of davening that anyone without place to eat should approach the gabai and someone will be happy to invite you for a meal. During davening, people are primarily there to daven. Maybe it's the fact that women there can and do take active roles in the running of the shul- if you feel invested, you don't need to see shul just as an opportunity to socialize.

The shuls in my current area, which are more traditional, have bad talking AND manage to be less friendly. Bad talking includes during Torah reading. On Purim morning, women (including some in my generation) started talking OUT LOUD the second the after-brachot of the megilla were over. I couldn't hear where the men were in the siddur, even though I was sitting near the mechitza. I don't make it to shul very often, and when I do I want to be able to follow. Earplugs won't help with that.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 1:17 pm

mimisinger-thats the shul I was referring to in KGH!

chani8

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 1:20 pm

Oh right, you need to hear the davening. I was thinking only of how it talking during shmonah esray would be a problem. If you can't hear the davening at all, there must be a party going on. lol

I used to enjoy davening at shul during mincha and sometimes maariv because the women's section is empty then.

Maya

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 1:36 pm

I hear in Teaneck there is a place that demands absolutely no talking during davening. They supposedly advertise as the "quiet shul."

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 1:44 pm

Maya wrote:

I hear in Teaneck there is a place that demands absolutely no talking during davening. They supposedly advertise as the "quiet shul."

Wow, I wonder which shul that is (I grew up in teaneck Wink

)

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Apr 28 2015, 1:53 pm

in woodmere there is aish kodesh-I know someone who moved there for that shul- which supposedly makes a point of no talking, never been there t hough. Seriously though op- do you plan to move based on this thread or just want to know that such shuls exist?

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