What would YOU do?

amother

Slateblue

Fri, May 01 2015, 1:21 pm

if your co-worker was really hot and se&y.

There really is nothing I can do, just needed to vent and guess get some chizuk for being a frum working 'girl'

I work in a secular's doctors office as one of 2 medical secretaries. My bosses are super nice and so is my co worker. But recently I would say for the past few months (we've worked together a long time like years) she has gotten into really good shape and dresses to really show off her body. Today she is wearing a mini skirt with a slit all the up to her a$$. Her sleeveless top is very low and u cAn peek down her top (which I'm sure many male patients have done today). High heels. U get the pic. I feel frumpy and old. Sad

. She is about 5 years younger than me. I'm not fat but not super skinny.

I really really try to not let it bother me but sometimes it does! What can I tell myself when I'm feeling this way? Am I being shallow? What

Please don't give me advice to get another job. Everything is good here but I feel insecure every day. How can I not??

mummiedearest

Fri, May 01 2015, 1:29 pm

you can tell yourself that at least the male patients are not trying to peek down your blouse. alternatively, you can ask your coworker how she got in such great shape and do it yourself. (not the clothing bit Smile

)

MamaBear

Fri, May 01 2015, 2:00 pm

She probably does not look classy. I sometimes wish I was wearing something less conservative but I'd never want to look trashy, with a mini skirt and cleavage.

And most women are probably judging her for her appearance, which isn't a great thing either.

So yeah, I'd stick with your own situation. Wink

Sake

Fri, May 01 2015, 4:44 pm

I know the whole shpiel about you are you and she is her etc but I think I understand your feeling and I don't think it's about her schmexiness and your frumpiness it's more of a basic female inclination to compete and feel good about ourselves. What *I* would do? I'd freshen up my look a bit. For me, it can be as simple as some new lipstick and a nice pair of heels. It won't change anything really, just may help you feel a little better. Smile

amother

Burlywood

Fri, May 01 2015, 4:53 pm

I'll admit to sometimes feeling insecure if I'm around someone especially attractive WITH MY HUSBAND THERE, but if yours is not seeing this lady, why do you care? So she is prettier than you. So what? Why do you need anyone except your husband to think you are beautiful?

Sake

Fri, May 01 2015, 5:05 pm

amother wrote:

For me at least, prettiness has Nothing to do wit it really. I can feel "pretty" in a teeshirt and jeerseyskirt with a bandana on my head. And it has nothing to do with being attractive to men. (I think the comment of the OP about men may have been a little bit of catty snark... fair enough to get hat out of her system) It's natural to feel a little competitive with other women when it comes to style and external looks.

amother

Slateblue

Fri, May 01 2015, 5:36 pm

Op here.
Thank u all for the replies and your point of views. I think the only one who really 'got me' though is Sake. Thank u !!!!

I was thinking along those lines. I am going to try to spruce up my wardrobe a bit. It's not about my husband being there or not, or about wanting men to look down my top !!!! She does not look trashy btw I think she looks great. She makes the most out of her looks and non Jews have no rules. So whatever feels good , why not? Right.
For that person who says so what if she's pretty what does hat have to do with me? Well it's in my face all day long!
Guess I'm not as secure as you!

amother

Mint

Fri, May 01 2015, 6:07 pm

Women apparently dress to impress other women.

A poll of 2,000 debunks the myth that they spend hours in front of a mirror on a Saturday night to impress men.

The truth is, two thirds are trying to encourage compliments from their peers.

Six out of ten women aged between 18 and 30 said they had their girlfriends in mind when they chose what to wear on a big night out.

Tablepoetry

Sat, May 02 2015, 6:08 pm

amother wrote:

Well, for many of us, life does not revolve around our husbands. We have an identity and an image separate from our husbands. And yes, this identity may very well include our looks.

Most women care what they look like, husband in the vicinity or not. It's a social image issue, although of course often intertwined with the desire to be attractive to men.

debsey

Sun, May 03 2015, 12:07 am

amother wrote:

I get it - we're all women and we like to feel that we look good. When someone not only looks good (with society's standard of "good") but is very in your face about it, with clothes that scream "look here! Look at me! I'm gogeous!" in bright neon letters, it's hard not to feel frumpy in comparison, especially if you're not entirely happy with yourself now. My solution would be to work on getting to a body shape you are comfortable with, and to use her as your diet/workout inspiration. On the way, reward yourself with a cute top or pretty lipstick - whatever flatters you.

FranticFrummie

Sun, May 03 2015, 1:11 am

Unless you're working for tips, and she's raking in way more cash than you are, then I don't get it. If you're in a professional environment, people are going to treat you with way more respect, and take your ideas more seriously. Isn't that worth something?

To be honest, when I started reading, I was sure you were going to be talking about some hot guy that you had a crush on at the office. Another woman, I really don't know what the deal is with that. I don't see how that would impact your life at all.

Just be your fabulous self, and love the life Hashem gave you!

mirror

Sun, May 03 2015, 1:20 am

I agree with FranticFrummie.

Be glad you are not a bartender where your pay (tips) depends on how you look.

(By the way, female bartenders have to look for new jobs when they get to be a certain age because the guys don't find them hot. All women grow old at some point.)

sushi galore

Sun, May 03 2015, 2:44 am

I used to feel a little jealous of these wannabe se&y woman, until I realized that majority of them are big bitches. They treat men badly and only think of themselves. My dh had for a very short time such a worker and on top of that she wore a shpitzel.... she was down right moldy in her nature and behavior. Dh threw her out as fast as could. Then I heard other stories....now I just view them as rotten apples.
As long as you dress with tznua you should feel proud of yourself for not causing others to sin. Your coworker on the other hand...... (rather not say 😱)

cityofgold

Sun, May 03 2015, 5:25 am

I find that if I am perfectly comfortable with how I look, then I don't care what others are wearing. If I feel a bit shlumpy that day, or if I'm unsure how something looks on me, or I'm not sure if I like what I'm wearing, then I'm much more aware of how others are dressed and it niggles at me that maybe I should have dressed more like X or Y. If I like how I look--makeup how I like it, clothes that I like and feel good in, then I don't notice.

And...I always dress for women Smile

I suppose I should dress for myself but that is the truth.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, May 03 2015, 7:28 am

To respond to the above responses (nywife and down): You'd think that what you say would make sense and be true BUT:
My bosses do not say anything to her re her dressing this way. I don't know if it bothers them or not but she has been working there for a long time and like I mentioned in my first post, she only started dressing like this for the past few months. She is one up on me re the hierarchy as I've started there only a year ago. She is their go-to person. Their right hand girl. They listen and respect her ideas very much so. And she is not catty or witchy with a b. We are good friends.

When I first started it took me a very long time to get used to being second in command so to speak. (She is full time and I work 3 days a week). But now I see that thank g-d I have a job. And working 3 days a week is perfect for my life right now. My bosses are super nice and treat me well. So while I would like to be more of an equal to her, I don't think that's in the cards and don't see that changing any time soon. Don't think it's a reason to leave this job.