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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Feel like a bad mother- this just happened
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 05 2015, 8:52 pm
Sanguine wrote:
I don't think the bike is the problem. If she didn't have the bike she'd find something else. The problem is that you're making supper for DH during "Witching Hour". That's not the time for cooking. Prepare things a different time. Serve him a sandwich (actually, he can make his own sandwich). Prepare tomorrow's supper after the kids are asleep tonight...

Exactly what I was going to say. I figured out the same thing when I'd come home from work and my baby was ultra-kvetchy (hungry but wouldn't want to eat anything I gave him), crying while hanging onto my feet, not letting me get supper sorted out, etc. So I started making suppers (or preparing the bulk of it) the night before. And cooking enough so that I could freeze additional suppers. That worked out really well for us. I come home and just have to heat up whatever I thawed in the fridge overnight. Or just fry what I breaded the night before. Etc. It takes me 5-10 minutes to make supper instead of 45. Also it takes me AGES to cook while people are around, especially my baby. At night when baby's asleep and dh is out, I have the peace and quiet I need to cook.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 05 2015, 10:02 pm
rosehill wrote:
Nobody should ever be judged, or judge themselves, on their parenting ability by what goes on from 4-8pm.


Nice idea but pretty ridiculous. For many people, the bulk of the time they have with their kids is during those hours, so yes, it does matter.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 06 2015, 12:36 am
chatouli wrote:
I'll share a story. Usually I'm ok with dinner and bedtime, which I do alone bc my DH is working. My kids are 5, 3 and a newborn. The other night bedtime went really really badly. Horribly. The big kids didn't listen to a word I said, the baby cried, I yelled (a lot). It was one of those nights.

After I finished putting them to bed, I came downstairs with the baby and saw a Baby Gap bag in my living room that had not been there before. I looked at my phone. A very nice woman from shul had called to ask if she could drop a gift. I had left the phone downstairs so didn't get her call. She dropped by and apparently I had left the front door unlocked, plus I had a couple bags of stuff I was donating on my stoop for pickup. She didn't want her gift to get mixed up in the donation. So she came in and left the gift in my living room since I didn't hear her knocking.

I wanted to die. G-d knows what she heard. I have a new parenting mantra: parent like someone might drop a gift in the living room Smile


Thanks for sharing your story! It brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes at the same time.

Hug
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 06 2015, 4:49 am
Quote:
I'll share a story. Usually I'm ok with dinner and bedtime, which I do alone bc my DH is working. My kids are 5, 3 and a newborn. The other night bedtime went really really badly. Horribly. The big kids didn't listen to a word I said, the baby cried, I yelled (a lot). It was one of those nights.

After I finished putting them to bed, I came downstairs with the baby and saw a Baby Gap bag in my living room that had not been there before. I looked at my phone. A very nice woman from shul had called to ask if she could drop a gift. I had left the phone downstairs so didn't get her call. She dropped by and apparently I had left the front door unlocked, plus I had a couple bags of stuff I was donating on my stoop for pickup. She didn't want her gift to get mixed up in the donation. So she came in and left the gift in my living room since I didn't hear her knocking.

I wanted to die. G-d knows what she heard. I have a new parenting mantra: parent like someone might drop a gift in the living room Smile


Not this exactly, but a few times, I've been yelling, kids crying, etc, and maybe about 15 minutes later someone will knock on the door, and I'll think to myself - "wow, lucky they weren't standing outside the front door 15 mins ago...." and then I'll think "oh oh, maybe they were, and they heard me yelling, and they didn't want to embarrass me by knocking, so they waited outside for 15 mins - oops"

Excellent mantra!
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sitting




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 06 2015, 5:40 am
just to comment...we all say and do stupid things sometimes and make parenting mistakes.
I do think dinner can only be cooked at 4/5/6 ig kids are engaged in the task. I keep a paint set and stampers, and a sticker book in a closet in kitchen and while im cooking my 4 yr old can sit at table and make pictures for me/daddy while we chat about the day. we also have a cd player in the kitchen and stories on cd just for this time is a good option. (trick is to save stuff just for this time...im a big believer in special toys/games for special times) u and kids listen while u cook and chat too if they want.
obviously if you can bulk cook on sunday that works too. each sun I try to cook one thing in bulk. so one wk 4 dinners of meatballs...4 dinners of shnitsel another....a bunk of cupcakes the next...borekas...deli rolls etc....this way u have a cple dinners a wk ready made.
good luck to you. it sounds like your doing great just by having the headspace to reflect on where to improve.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 06 2015, 7:56 am
Set your alarm and give 5 minutes every hour of undivided attention to each child. I mean 5 minutes of sitting with that child, totally focused on her. You should set your timer for 5 minutes even, until you get used to it. You'll see such a difference.

And when you're messing up, just stop. Allow yourself to stop in your tracks and let the child off the hook, and go to the positive. Think, "I see you're so misbehaving now, so you want my attention. Ok, here I am." It's so NOT what they teach in behavior management type parenting classes but it's SO right. When a child wants attention, give it to them. Just ignore the bad behavior.

Don't you wish people would ignore your bad behavior and give you attention when you need it?
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 06 2015, 2:03 pm
I don't think I caught the age of your oldest, but if you have a 2 year old that she is tormenting, I will guess she is around 4 years old. My advice is to make her your big kid. She can be in the kitchen with you cooking or helping you with laundry or whatever else it is that you are doing. You can also work to help her and the 2 year old bond by doing things in the evening hours like playing a board game or reading on the couch and think about making dinner in the morning. I vaguely remember that I used to make dinner in the early morning.

Of course the environment should be set up properly. Bikes are probably not best in the house, but I don't think the bike is necessarily the issue. Also, a 4 year old can be asked to sit for 15 or 20 minutes and look at books.

Goodluck.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 06 2015, 2:55 pm
My children are long past this stage, but it says something that I remember it so well!

It's an especially difficult time of day for kids in the in-between-toddler-and-school ages. They don't have the attention spans necessary for quiet activities, and whatever level of self-control they've mastered tends to evaporate with hunger and fatigue.

My tandem trick was a snack and an audio book.

We aren't a TV family, so I got audio books (and even made a few myself). I could buy 30 minutes of peace by putting everyone at the dining room table, giving them a snack, and ostentatiously bringing out a CD/tape player (this was a couple of years before the digital revolution in recording).

This did not engage the younger kids as much as the older ones, of course, but the older ones were interested enough to cease torturing their siblings, and the younger ones had no one to aggravate.

As other posters have suggested, focus on warming up dinner rather than making anything elaborate.
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