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Forum -> Working Women
Is it ok to ignore this email?
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amother
Denim


 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 8:07 am
I am a university student, and as part of my course I have this portfolio thing that is part of my assessment.
I went to see a member of staff about it who told me that I needed to make a slight amendment to it, and she wanted me to go back to her once I had done that. She is really friendly and nice.
I sent her an email to say I have completed what she wanted me to do, when would be convenient to drop it to her. She replied saying she is away at the moment, and could she please ask me to show it to this other lady in her absence. She copied this other lady into the email.
This other lady can be very nasty and I feel very uncomfortable with her, as I once went to see her and she made me cry.
I have not emailed this lady at all, because I'd prefer to just leave it. I'm thinking that she is so busy, she barely has any time to look at this anyway, and would have forgotten all about this email by now (it was a week ago). She probably really doesn't want to see me anyway. And it is really not of much significance.
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OOTforlife




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 8:27 am
I don't recommend ignoring it. You risk looking like a flake in front of both staff members. I think you should resolve the issue one way or another.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 8:54 am
OP - It sounds (from this post and many previous ones) like you desperately need a real-life mentor to guide you through the school/work/socializing process. I highly advise you seek one out--paid if necessary.
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 9:29 am
No it's not ok. You asked for help and now you need to follow up, even though it's not with your preferred person. Otherwise, why should anyone want to help you in the future.
Also, and I don't mean to be insulting, you really need to grow a thicker skin - as the saying goes. Get over the fact that someone made you cry, and act like the professional you are trying to become. Take a few minutes at home to practice "talking to this woman," go to her office, take some deep breaths and ask her to look over the papers. Give a huge smile, thank you, I really value your opinion and then congratulate yourself on being so mature and capable.
The end !
Oh and if she criticizes your work, smile bravely, thank her for the recommendations and fix the paper.
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 9:30 am
Olive oil- I was also wondering if it's the woman from the nursing school thread. No way to know really.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 5:41 pm
studying_torah wrote:
Olive oil- I was also wondering if it's the woman from the nursing school thread. No way to know really.


It does sound like the same person.

A good friend of mine who is a nurse told me that the medical establishment is brutal to nursing students and new nurses. Pamela Wible, MD, is a doctor and suicide survivor who started a movement to try to fight suicide in the medical profession. An alarming number of nursing and med students commit suicide, often just as they are about to finish their degrees. (Unlike a number of her classmates whom she profiles in a moving slide show on the subject, she survived her suicide attempt.) Social isolation is part of it, as is stress, but an even larger chunk seems to be the vicious way the establishment treats these young people. The establishment justifies it by claiming that these students need to develop skills to cope with the hostility that they will experience from patients and their family members.

While to you the OP may sound infantile and whiney, she may in fact be a victim of bullying and harassment, and her fears about facing harsh instructors may be well-founded. Bullies know exactly whom to pick on. But you are right, she does need to "man up" and grow a thick skin if she is to survive in her chosen field. Bullies respect those who refuse to cower in fear.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 5:43 pm
And she needs to learn business etiquette. School is a business, and business etiquette rules apply.
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chevi1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 5:44 pm
studying_torah wrote:
Olive oil- I was also wondering if it's the woman from the nursing school thread. No way to know really.
what was the title of this thread? curious to read it
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 5:46 pm
zaq wrote:
And she needs to learn business etiquette. School is a business, and business etiquette rules apply.

This. When a bais yaakov girl enters the university setting, the culture shock can be very real.
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 5:57 pm
Of course zaq, you are very right. I worked in an office and was bullied and it was awful! ( I was a single girl who couldn't stand up for myself) so I left.
But if the op is being bullied and can't leave , then she needs to find ways to strengthen herself to do what needs to get done. And to prepare for the actual profession she's entering, where ppl are often unpleasant.
I'm not so sure though if it's bullying on their part, over sensitivity on her part, or most likely - some of each.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 6:18 pm
amother wrote:
I am a university student, and as part of my course I have this portfolio thing that is part of my assessment.
I went to see a member of staff about it who told me that I needed to make a slight amendment to it, and she wanted me to go back to her once I had done that. She is really friendly and nice.
I sent her an email to say I have completed what she wanted me to do, when would be convenient to drop it to her. She replied saying she is away at the moment, and could she please ask me to show it to this other lady in her absence. She copied this other lady into the email.
This other lady can be very nasty and I feel very uncomfortable with her, as I once went to see her and she made me cry.
I have not emailed this lady at all, because I'd prefer to just leave it. I'm thinking that she is so busy, she barely has any time to look at this anyway, and would have forgotten all about this email by now (it was a week ago). She probably really doesn't want to see me anyway. And it is really not of much significance.


Dear Ms. So - and - So

Professor NicePerson asked me to show you my portfolio in her absence. I know this is a particularly busy time for you, so if you don't have time to review it, I can wait for Professor NicePerson to come back. If you do have time to review my portfolio, when would be most convenient for us to meet?"

In other words, No, do not ignore the email. You risk ruining your relationship with Professor NicePerson, who will not understand why you ignored her instructions.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 6:35 pm
debsey wrote:
Dear Ms. So - and - So

Professor NicePerson asked me to show you indicated that you might be willing to review my portfolio in her absence. As Professor NP may have informed you, I completed ABCD to her satisfaction, but she suggested that I revise the portfolio to do EFG, and then submit it for further review.

I know this is a particularly busy time for you, so if you don't have time to review it, I can wait for Professor NicePerson to come back. If you do have time to review my portfolio, when would be most Please let me know when it would be a convenient for me to drop off my portfolio, and, if it would be helpful to you, to explain what has been done thus far. us to meet ?"

I very much value your input, and appreciate your agreeing to review my portfolio.

cc: Professor NP


In other words, No, do not ignore the email. You risk ruining your relationship with Professor NicePerson, who will not understand why you ignored her instructions.


Good idea, but the gee, you're busy is a bit obvious under the circumstances. Let her say she's busy, or that the other Professor is back.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 6:37 pm
OP, you need to start growing up and getting tough now, otherwise you will crash and burn. Start treating school like a professional workplace. You're not in high school any more. The school is not interested in "nurturing" you; it is interested in producing graduates who achieve.

Next, change your vocabulary. The harsh instructor did not "make you cry". You chose to cry in response to her tongue-lashing. Now crying can be a great stress-reliever, but it is not something you should do in a professional meeting. It only makes you look weak, childish and incapable of withstanding stress. Furthermore, saying that someone "made you cry" only reinforces your image of yourself as a helpless and hapless victim.

You can choose to respond differently: either to answer back in a similarly hostile vein, which I do NOT recommend as it would sink your career even before it had a chance to set sail; or to thank her in a dignified manner for her analysis and then, in private, to evaluate carefully everything she says, decide whether or not there is any merit to it, accept that which has merit and act upon it, and reject that which has no merit and forget about it. You may decide that nothing she says has merit, and that's fine, provided you have given it proper thought. You may decide to seek a second or third opinion, and that is also fine. Better than fine, actually.

But you do need to start behaving like a professional and not like a kid, and that means dealing with unpleasant people and not hiding behind the skirts of the people you like. Because count on it, when you start working, there will be unpleasant people galore. Some of them may be your bosses. Either way, you will have no choice but to deal with them. You may as well start practicing now.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 6:43 pm
chevi1 wrote:
what was the title of this thread? curious to read it


http://www.imamother.com/forum.....53609

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....69718

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....51226

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....56990

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....38621

and many more...

I really don't think this is a case of just "toughening up."

I think OP needs a real-life counselor/mentor who can teach her social and interpersonal skills and comprehension.
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relish




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 7:03 pm
oliveoil wrote:
http://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=253609

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....69718

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....51226

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....56990

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....38621

and many more...

I really don't think this is a case of just "toughening up."

I think OP needs a real-life counselor/mentor who can teach her social and interpersonal skills and comprehension.

And you know that every single thread was the same op, how?

Eta: even if you are correct, I don't think it's fair to "out" her like this. I don't believe most people put all of the threads together.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 7:05 pm
relish wrote:
And you know that every single thread was the same op, how?


Obviously I can't know for sure, but it definitely sounds like it.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 7:09 pm
Op, If you do end up meeting with the second professor I'll tell you what worked for me and maybe it will work for you. I reminded myself that I'm going to see a "melech" but Hashem is the melech malchay hamlochim.
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 7:59 pm
No I thought she was the op of the thread about a nursing school professor or someone higher up who was usually so nice but one time upset her and made her cry.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 8:07 pm
studying_torah wrote:
No I thought she was the op of the thread about a nursing school professor or someone higher up who was usually so nice but one time upset her and made her cry.


And a series of other threads -- that most people at the school were not nice to her; that she didn't bother to check her email about an elective, etc.

But the thought is the same. She needs to be more professional in her interactions with others, and at least publicly put on a tough face.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 11 2015, 8:45 pm
studying_torah wrote:
No I thought she was the op of the thread about a nursing school professor or someone higher up who was usually so nice but one time upset her and made her cry.


Yup, those too. I just couldn't find them all. And I am not trying to "out" the op in any way. Was just trying to point out that this seems to be an issue across her whole life.
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