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Do I tell dd's friends parent's continued



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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 5:58 am
so I started a thread a week or two ago about dd's friends doing silly stuff at our locally street mall. Nothing harmful, just silly. Well, dd has been even sadder than her usual teenage self so I checked her text messages- yes I snoop and she knows I can and found that dd's friend were texting boys they don't know, playing practical jokes on boys they do know. These are kids from "yeshivishe" homes. The part that scares me is that they are in contact with boys they don't know- the boys send pictuires of themesleves- clean pics just smiling faces, they seem to be friends of friends of friends etc. but you hear all these crazy stories in the news. Do I tell the other parents and possibly lose my daughter's trust if they mention my name or dd's name to their children that so and so told me...... I saw that dd has told everyone she is no longer texting. I am guessing she realized this is all wrong.. glad I did not have to out myself and tell her I was reading her texts even though she knows I can. Was thinking of sending a mess email to the class(parents) saying just a heads uop have a talk with your daughters about texting strangers... any thoughts???
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 2:35 pm
bump
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 3:18 pm
Telling the parents won't help, trust me. If they want to do it, they will find away. Take it from me- my ultra ultra yeshivish mom didn't want me to do ANYTHING, so I purchased a pay-per-minute cell phone from Walmart behind her back, as well as an iPod touch to access the Internet, and that's how I kept up with guy friends. I found rides to the mall. I lied about where I was going and actually spent the night, alone, with a 24 year old guy when I was only 15 or 16. (Crazy and creepy, I know, but back then I had no self esteem or confidence and thrived on male attention, however false it may have been.)
So by telling the parents, what will you accomplish? They will take away daughter's phone or INternet access? Not gonna help. I promise you.
And you really need to stop snooping and trust your daughter. In my opinion, she has proven her trust more than once. Be the kind of mom who is warm, loving, supportive and non judgemental, so that she won't be afraid to confide in you. My mom had no idea what I was up to because I was very good at hiding it, I did things not in public or in out of town places- and since she was so demanding, controlling etc, I never confided in her and did things that were REALLY unsafe.
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The Happy Wife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 4:12 pm
I'm a little confused about how they could be texting boys they don't know. Is there some list circulating with boys' cell phone numbers?
At any rate, you should be proud that your daughter is not participating. Will you really lose your daughter's trust if she already knows you can and sometimes do read her texts? It's not worth losing her trust, but if there is any way to let the other parents know, I think you should.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 5:03 pm
op here- don't know how they are getting these boys numbers. My concern is they end texting someone and meeting up with a stranger and something bad happens as I am pretty sure the school and probably not the parents either educate their kids about theses things. I guess I don't want it on my head in case chas v'shalom something bad happens.

To respond to the "snooping" - gonna keep doing it so that I will know what is going on and it will help me understand her mood swings and how to handle it. Yes I am very proud of dd, but I need to make sure she is staying safe. And when you have a mopey sad teen and they say they want to hide under a rock and says she has no friends etc. and not explain what is going on it is good to have a sense as to what is going on.
But I hear what you are saying about telling the parents and if the girls want to find a way they will. etc. maybe I should suggest to the school to have a "stranger danger" talk and bring in a police officer or something like that...
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 5:26 pm
amother wrote:
op here- don't know how they are getting these boys numbers. My concern is they end texting someone and meeting up with a stranger and something bad happens as I am pretty sure the school and probably not the parents either educate their kids about theses things. I guess I don't want it on my head in case chas v'shalom something bad happens.

To respond to the "snooping" - gonna keep doing it so that I will know what is going on and it will help me understand her mood swings and how to handle it. Yes I am very proud of dd, but I need to make sure she is staying safe. And when you have a mopey sad teen and they say they want to hide under a rock and says she has no friends etc. and not explain what is going on it is good to have a sense as to what is going on.
But I hear what you are saying about telling the parents and if the girls want to find a way they will. etc. maybe I should suggest to the school to have a "stranger danger" talk and bring in a police officer or something like that...


I like the idea of having the school speak about stranger danger (I am the above amother who said not to tell the parents etc). This way the guilt is off your head, and these girls are warned but not from a frum perspective, rather from a safety perspective.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 5:56 pm
op here again- thanks lilac amother- and boy were you a naughty girl !!!!! I think its a good think your parents didn't know what you were doing!! Very Happy
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 6:42 pm
while I think the parents are not going to be able to control the kids, I think it is worthwhile to tell the parents. why not? your daughter can always (with your permission) blame the info leak on her "snoopy mom" or some such, if you feel this will cause social problems for her. there are some possible outcomes: they won't hang out with your dd anymore (could be a pro or a con), they'll stop texting your dd (pro), or they'll just know they have to behave around you. the school is not in charge of giving the stranger danger talk to teens. teens think they're invincible, generally speaking. a broad stranger-danger speech in school will gain eye rolls and nothing more. I think parents have the right to know who their teens are hanging out with, and I think texting counts as hanging out these days.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, May 12 2015, 7:26 pm
thank you for breaking it down for me. I know in our elementary school they do have someone comein and talk about "stranger danger" but not technology based.
I would want someone to tell me if I wasn't aware. Maybe I speak with the principal as a general discussion and then send a group email just giving a general heads up to have a talk with their kids.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 13 2015, 11:26 am
amother wrote:
thank you for breaking it down for me. I know in our elementary school they do have someone comein and talk about "stranger danger" but not technology based.
I would want someone to tell me if I wasn't aware. Maybe I speak with the principal as a general discussion and then send a group email just giving a general heads up to have a talk with their kids.


amother, if you knew your dd's friends were having overnights alone with a boy in a hotel room, would you make sure the parents found out about it, or would you rely on the school to tell the parents something vague? if the kids are engaging in what you consider dangerous behavior, I think you owe it to the parents to inform them. we put too much trust in schools to raise our children. in many ways, the schools insist on it. in this case, I think the school should not be involved unless the parents of the kids in question feel it necessary. if this was your daughter, wouldn't you want to be told?
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ROFL




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 13 2015, 3:35 pm
There was someone who spoke in my kids high school. A computer expert who worked with the FBI He spoke to parents and to the kids. Tell your school to have someone come and talk to everyone in school
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