Punishment for cutting DD's hair practically bald

amother

Oak

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:21 pm

I wouldn't say that you did anything wrong per say by going to take a nap and leaving your kids unsupervised. I do it sometimes when I am no longer able to cope!

But I do agree, that you have to anticipate that something like this can happen and be OK with it if you choose to take that risk.

Even if your 5 year old "knows better," You gave him too big of a nisayon. Its was obviously too big of a ta'ava for him to withstand. Especially with the factors of his sister requesting it, and it just having been Lag baomer and hearing about boys getting their ponytails snipped off. "DD is 3... why shouldnt she also get her pony snipped off around lag Ba'omer".

A very similar scenario was brought up in the chinuch class of a well-known expert in chinuch and he said punishments are meant to stop the behavior. Putting the scissors in a place where he cannot use it will surely stop the behavior. (You dont have to give him a punishment that will just feel like to him that you are taking revenge on him for not doing what you like)
Perhaps what would be appropriate would be to not let him do projects with scissors (or you can include his other favorite art supplies) for the next month or two. Then, mention it each time he asks, "I thought you were big enough to use scissor responsibly, but you cut your sisters hair. When I feel like you are big enough to use scissors/art supplies responsibility I will let you have them again."

causemommysaid

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:23 pm

amother wrote:

The activity was NOT "scissors". They were playing with puzzles that they havent seen in a long time.

Am I the only crazy mother in this worly that takes a short nap every once in a blue moon bc I literally cannot move? Coffee just doesnt help me. I also did have a mothers helper lined up anticipating the difficult afternoon.

No. you're not crazy. I never said you were. I just said that solely punishing your son for this is not really fair because it was wasn't entirely his fault.

usually when I nap with the kids around I sleep on the couch in the same room as them so they don't kill each other.

imasinger

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:28 pm

amother wrote:

You are certainly NOT the only mommy who takes a desperately needed nap once in a while.

You are also not the only mommy to find out that children have wreaked havoc when your back is turned. And far, far, far from the only mommy to find a child has given a sibling or self a drastic and crazy haircut.

Good that the scissors are now locked up.

I think what causemommysaid was trying to point out is that your reaction was out of line, and seemed like you might be too harsh.

You focused on two issues. First, that the 5 year old disobeyed you about something he knew good and well was a rule. For that, he definitely should have a consequence.

Second, your DD looks unfeminine, and won't present the best appearance right as you are about to move. That's your issue, and, IMO, it is unfair to punish DS (or DD) more harshly because the problem lasts longer than, say, if they cut a doll's hair. Because they are not to the stage where they can reason about relative impacts.

The word discipline means teaching. Think about what you would like your children to learn from this. What would best get that message across? It is less beneficial to physically harm or humiliate them. They are old enough to handle some little extra chore since they made work for you, extra regular practice about asking permission and not giving in to a child's pressure when a grownup says no, and minor loss of privilege like a week or two of no Shabbos treat.

Anything beyond that may do more harm than good.

They also need to know that teshuvah is effective, and that even when they misbehave and infuriate you, you still love them. This may be the most important of the lessons you can offer your little shorn sheep.

Hatzlacha with your move!

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:33 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

My 5 yr old and 3yr old are big enough to pick themselves up and walk. So it wouldnt really matter where I was napping. Our apt is quite small. I can technically hear anything that's going on.

Oak amother, I like the art supplies idea. I'll think about that one. He really likes projects. Whenever we go into the dollar store, he picks one-hole punchers and glue sticks so that he can have his own collection.

But I have this feeling that DD needs a punishment to learn to not be that dumb. She just started getting her own hairclips and bows. I told her that bc she told DS to do this, she might not have hair to put in any bows until she's 5. She looked pretty shocked at that one. She also has a good memory and remembers how traumatic her 2yr old haircut was...

oh well...we will look back at this one day and laugh

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:42 pm

imasinger wrote:

Thank you imasinger, that's what I was asking in the original post. I am looking for a way for them to understand the action they did was not listening to Mommy. I included my vent abt her unfavorable presentation, but that was just to add some detail to the story.

I usually try to think of punishments that help my kids learn a lesson, like taking away a privilege if they abuse it etc. I withheld my immediate reaction and told them I needed to wait until tmw to think of a punishment (basically a consequence) because I was so surprised that they did this. There was no yelling involved. I was just too shocked to do anything. They both got baths and cleaned up the mess with me.

Sanguine

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:49 pm

It could have happened if you catnapped on the couch too. Now here's a story to put the "embarrassment" of a new neighborhood in perspective. One Tisha B'av afternoon my SIL decided it was a good day to organize her photo albums. She likes to make creative photo albums so she sat on the LR floor with everything spread out while her not-yet-2yo twins played on the floor too. She turned her head a second and her son snipped off a piece of his twin sister's finger with the scissor she had been using. They weren't super sharp scissors but this kid was fast. I think they must have both reached for the scissors and she grabbed the wrong side. 10 days in the hospital didn't reattach the finger (just the top knuckle is gone). Now you can relax about your 2yo daughter's bad haircut

Ingrid

Tue, May 12 2015, 2:04 pm

My older brother apparently cut off all my hair when I was little (I don't remember it - just heard the story endless times) because he was tired of people complimenting me all the time and ignoring him!
From what my mom tells me, it sounds similar to your story.
3 years old is very young.
Most likely, your daughter will be like me and only remember this from hearing the story! :-)
Don't sweat it -- and you'll have a great story to tell when she gets married.

Scrabble123

Tue, May 12 2015, 2:07 pm

tigerwife wrote:

Op, it could happen to anyone! I myself actually cut off most of my hair as a kid (and I hid in a closet- so much for supervision).

A big, feminine bow hairband might distract from the haircut. Definitely worth going to the hairdresser to at least just even it out.

BH none of your kids were hurt by the scissors.

That's true. I actually cut my friend's hair in Kindergarten when the teachers looked away for a minute. She was going to cut mine too, but the teachers noticed before she could start Smile

Dolly Welsh

Tue, May 12 2015, 2:38 pm

Forgive the children, beat the mother's helper, don't worry about it. Soft pretty headband, and trip to a talented stylist.

It's not the end of the world.

There, there.

Do NOT throw any guilt trips all over your precious children.

They are mere kids and it's all NOTHING.

You are doing your best.

Never speak to that mother's helper again and don't give her a good recommendation if asked. I hate her. She should have found someone to replace herself.

But the kids? What? They're kids.

Try to laugh.

And DON'T tell it as a "family story". It's humiliating to both children and should be forgotten IMMEDIATELY.

The Happy Wife

Tue, May 12 2015, 3:01 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

BEAT the mother's helper and never speak to her??

Dolly? You do realize that a mother's helper is also a kid, right? We don't even know why she couldn't come maybe she was sick. Maybe at the last minute her parents couldn't give her a ride. Yes, its irresponsible to cancel last minute, be we don't have enough info to judge.

I think a fair response would be to not allow your son to use scissors for a while. For your daughter, I think she'll be suffering enough with her new look. I think it is too harsh to say no hair bows for until she is 5. I think a big, pretty headband will be helpful in making her look better. Take her to a good hairsdresser and see if they can do anything, then give her a headband with a big bow.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, May 12 2015, 3:15 pm

It's illegal to beat her.

I reserve the right to be extremely irritated with her.

I do NOT comprehend punishing the infants in the picture and giving a pass to the person old enough to watch them who has to be classified as a grown up here for that reason.

Seems reversed, to me. Backwards.

I side with the boy. Of course he listens to what his sister wants. He has been taught to cherish her, and by extension her wants, since she was born. Now, all of a sudden she isn't right all the time. Well she was, before.

There should be no annoyance coming toward these children who are, I repeat, children. Small ones at that. This is the bantam division here. They are barely verbal at all.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Tue, May 12 2015, 3:24 pm; edited 2 times in total

Dolly Welsh

Tue, May 12 2015, 3:22 pm

Ah. You want me to be annoyed at the mother. Of course she is the obvious villain of the piece, but she's the OP. I always side with the OP or almost always. And when you are tired, you are tired. She's pg. She TRIED.

She was let down by the mother's helper. Who didn't just cancel, yes, that happens, but at the LAST MINUTE. We are not told why.

Maybe the reason was very good. I suspect few people are in surgery or fighting off invading Martians when they don't show up as they said they would.

But I don't care about the hair.

Not one bit.

They still have four eyes between them and that's what counts.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, May 12 2015, 3:35 pm

amother wrote:

I woke up to hear snipping. I figured they were cutting up old magazines, which I allow.

Hi
I think that as far a punishment you should really first think about your actions beacuse according to you your son cut your daughers hair last year so my question is why do you have scisors at his reach especially when you ae not around to watch over him , It really is not so much his fault but more yours for leaving them around its too tempting fo him not to do it when there are scisors freey for him to use and to give your daughter a hai cut , defenetly you should just pu any such items far away from him till he is old enough to undestand how not to use it wrongly exept for talking to him there is really no punishment you can give him.

Chayalle

Tue, May 12 2015, 3:40 pm

When I was about 4, and my sister was about 9 (yes, 9) she decided to cut scalloped bangs for me - all the way from one ear to the other. My mother was able to even out the bangs - kinda short on my forehead like they used to cut them, but nothing to do about it going all the way to my ear....there are loads of pictures of me from that stage. My kids think I looked hilarious.

And as payback....this sister's daughter (my niece) cut off all of her own bangs, all the way up to her forehead, just in time for my wedding. She had to wear a big, thick headband to hide the haircut.

I think a stern talking to, with stern reminders (too bad you can't use scissors for your project, because you cut sissy's hair) is appropriate.

This is not abnormal behavior for kids in this age range. Your kids sound normal, curious, exploring, adventurous......well, there must be some things you are doing right, OP, to have such healthy kids. Just keep on loving them and laughing. This story will go down in your family's history. Take some pictures to show your DD's chosson, B"EH, when the time comes. That will be punishment enough.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, May 12 2015, 3:47 pm

The only use of punishment is to make sure they don't do it again, whatever it was.

I think the risk of re-offending is zero here, so I don't want any guilt trips put on these tiny children, either of them.

It's all just kid's nonsense.

You only get so much capital to criticize your kid, any kid, before he or she decides to not listen and too bad for you. I would be very careful not to waste it because you might really need it someday, when the kid wants to marry the queen of the eskimos or join the Elbonian navy. Then, you will wish you had some authority left, but you spent all your ammunition on little stuff and nobody cares what you think any more. This can happen.

OP is pg.

She needs our indulgence.

OP, go in peace and don't worry about it. Try to just laugh.

You don't want your son to get an aversion to the barbershop or something, the horrifying sounds, the sniiiip of the awful scissors of doom.

Or your daughter to think you are so upset and nuts, because she really is now a boy.

And that's not ok because she is a girl. And has a girl's name and clothes so what is she anyway, and oh dear? Your assigning importance to the loss of her hair gives it power over the facts about her. Which is ridiculous, but how is she supposed to know that?

Please don't make a mountain out of this molehill.