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WDYD: Getting yelled at
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scrltfr




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 5:12 am
There is nothing wrong with her yelling hey you. She didn't know the kids name! Seriously? She should have said shayfeleh? To a strangers kid? How do you even know he was jewish?
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 5:32 am
amother wrote:
It is a classless thing to say in the US. Google it if you doubt me. A refined lady can convey it is an emergency without resorting to nasty language. You must be careful how you discipline other people's children.

You yelled at her children. Perhaps when she confronted you, you could have over apologized and gotten your point across at the same time that she should be watching her kids closer by apologizing and saying you are so sorry that you didn't realize DC's mom was right there otherwise you never would have disciplined her child.


Who cares about class when you kid is about to fall from the seesaw????

I don't even get why OP is at fault.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 6:08 am
When an adult is tantruming at you, there are a couple options I can think of;
"I'm sorry you're upset "
IGNORE her
"I'm sorry, you're right" (regardless of reality)
"I don't believe we've met, what's your name?" (Distraction, changing subjects)
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 6:23 am
As to whether there's anything wrong with saying "hey you". As my grandmother would say, "Hay is for horses."

It's certainly not the most insulting thing to say to someone, but it can have a slightly obnoxious overtone. I'd prefer to yell, "Excuse me!"

But for this woman to get all angry over that, it sounds like her reaction was totally over the top.
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iluvy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 7:24 am
You just need a one line response. "I was trying to get his attention because I was afraid my baby would fall off the seesaw."

Repeat quietly a couple of times. If she continues yelling roll your eyes and move on.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 7:52 am
mommy2b2c wrote:
She was not disciplining the child. She was asking him to be careful while running and out of breath with a raised voice. Big difference.


EXCUSE ME! PLEASE BE CAREFUL comes across the way she intended.

Calling a kid hey you in a loud voice comes across as obnoxious. The other mom reacted to this.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 7:55 am
amother wrote:
It is a classless thing to say in the US. Google it if you doubt me. A refined lady can convey it is an emergency without resorting to nasty language. You must be careful how you discipline other people's children.

You yelled at her children. Perhaps when she confronted you, you could have over apologized and gotten your point across at the same time that she should be watching her kids closer by apologizing and saying you are so sorry that you didn't realize DC's mom was right there otherwise you never would have disciplined her child.


It's a classless thing to do in the US to repeatedly insult someone anonymously. Google it if you doubt me. Hide behind Amother all you want. You're a lowlife.

In any case, OP most definitely did NOT yell "at" another child. She yelled "to" another child. Given the fact that the park was noisy, and she was some distance away (OP keeps saying she was a couple of yards away, but I think we can all recognize that she was substantially further than 6 feet away). The only way to make herself heard was to raise her voice. Nor did she discipline another child; she merely asked him to be careful until she removed her child.

But please, take your children to the park. And when another child, too young to know better, does something that frightens or threatens to do serious harm to your child, make sure you ask around to get the child's name right before addressing him ("sweety" or "shayfele" or other similar appellations are frankly belittling). Then walk -- running is so low class -- to the child, so she can hear you clearly, and politely ask her to stop. No, wait. That's what OP did. Figure out who the parents are, and ask if they would mind asking their child to stop. If your child is grievously injured in the meanwhile, well, you were polite.

OP, you did nothing wrong. Even yelling ... your adrenaline was in high gear. Don't worry.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 7:57 am
imaima wrote:
Who cares about class when you kid is about to fall from the seesaw????

I don't even get why OP is at fault.


I didn't say she is at fault. She wanted to know how to defuse this situation. She could apologize as soon as the danger passed. She doesn't want to be seen as a crazy.

If I saw the whole thing. OP yelling at a kid. The kids' mom yelling at OP. OP yelling back. I would tell my kids to stay away from OP's kids because the mother [OP] makes scenes.

The other mother would never have yelled at her if she treated the kid with respect while forcefully averting danger.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 8:04 am
amother wrote:
I didn't say she is at fault. She wanted to know how to defuse this situation. She could apologize as soon as the danger passed. She doesn't want to be seen as a crazy.

If I saw the whole thing. OP yelling at a kid. The kids' mom yelling at OP. OP yelling back. I would tell my kids to stay away from OP's kids because the mother [OP] makes scenes.

The other mother would never have yelled at her if she treated the kid with respect while forcefully averting danger.


If you had seen the whole thing, you would have seen a child playing too roughly and frightening and possibly endangering another child; the frightened mother rushing to make sure her child wasn't hurt; and a lunatic yelling at her for trying to protect her child.

But you really don't seem to care that OP was trying to make sure that her 2 year old didn't fall off a see-saw. That pales in comparison to saying "hey you."
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 8:34 am
This is crazy. OP did nothing wrong. You do what you gotta do to protect your kid. The end.
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 8:57 am
I don't think OP did anything wrong.

Sometimes, not always, I enjoy crazy people screaming. Sometimes they just make me speak calmer and quieter and that way they totally look like a nutjob. Not saying it would have worked in this case. Just something I enjoy doing when people are being totally whack
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amother
White


 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 9:07 am
marina wrote:
I don't think OP did anything wrong.

Sometimes, not always, I enjoy crazy people screaming. Sometimes they just make me speak calmer and quieter and that way they totally look like a nutjob. Not saying it would have worked in this case. Just something I enjoy doing when people are being totally whack


One of my favorite park stories was a crazy woman ranting and yelling at a friend, claiming that her son had said, "F---." My friend's calm just made the other woman more irate. Finally, my friend said, "I'm not sure who or what you heard, but my son is in speech therapy. He doesn't have the F sound. So while I would be thrilled if he actually could say f---, he didn't."
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 9:52 am
Barbara wrote:
If you had seen the whole thing, you would have seen a child playing too roughly and frightening and possibly endangering another child; the frightened mother rushing to make sure her child wasn't hurt; and a lunatic yelling at her for trying to protect her child.

But you really don't seem to care that OP was trying to make sure that her 2 year old didn't fall off a see-saw. That pales in comparison to saying "hey you."


The lunatic wasn't yelling at her for protecting her 2 year old. The lunatic was yelling at her for yelling at the lunatic's child. OP was justified yelling at the child except for the fact OP did not stop the rough play at its inception. She should have been right there on top of it if it needed to be stopped. I maintain to avoid more confrontation she could apologize immediately instead of escalating it by yelling back. I also maintain that other language would not be as harsh and maybe would not have caused the first lunatic's reaction.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 10:08 am
amother wrote:
I didn't say she is at fault. She wanted to know how to defuse this situation. She could apologize as soon as the danger passed. She doesn't want to be seen as a crazy.

If I saw the whole thing. OP yelling at a kid. The kids' mom yelling at OP. OP yelling back. I would tell my kids to stay away from OP's kids because the mother [OP] makes scenes.

The other mother would never have yelled at her if she treated the kid with respect while forcefully averting danger.


the other mom should have seen that her child is too rough on the seesaw.
Okay?
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 11:42 am
imaima wrote:
the other mom should have seen that her child is too rough on the seesaw.
Okay?
She should have also watched her children weren't hurting others. OP is first and foremost responsible for her own child's safety. I would have pulled my child out of that situation long before OP did, but she said that her baby likes rough play. You can't count on others to keep your own children safe.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 11:53 am
amother wrote:
She should have also watched her children weren't hurting others. OP is first and foremost responsible for her own child's safety. I would have pulled my child out of that situation long before OP did, but she said that her baby likes rough play. You can't count on others to keep your own children safe.

She is not a helicopter mom. Her children will grow more self confidence because of it. The only thing I see that she could have done better was not respond, or just smile and nod.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 12:12 pm
Iymnok wrote:
She is not a helicopter mom. Her children will grow more self confidence because of it. The only thing I see that she could have done better was not respond, or just smile and nod.


When a 2 year old is not playing like a normal 2 year old with strange older kids roughly, it is time to hover rather than wait for the situation to escalate.

I am a relaxed mom, but there are times to stand closely and supervise.
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Frumdoc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 1:19 pm
I'd prefer to be looked down on for my low class behavior than deal with my child's head injury from being thrown from the top of a seesaw by a child twice her age and size bouncing it too high.


Would "Hello, thou" be more acceptable?
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Sadie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 3:39 pm
Frumdoc wrote:


Would "Hello, thou" be more acceptable?


In archaic English, "thou" was actually the informal pronoun. "You" was the formal, more respectful version.

So "Hey, you!" is perfectly polite, OP, don't worry!
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 27 2015, 4:10 pm
Frumdoc wrote:
I'd prefer to be looked down on for my low class behavior than deal with my child's head injury from being thrown from the top of a seesaw by a child twice her age and size bouncing it too high.


Would "Hello, thou" be more acceptable?


ITA. I would call the child whatever I needed to stop the dangerous behavior. That being said, the option to apologize profusely after would defuse the situation or removing my 2 year before it reached the danger point or hovering right there or not screaming back at the mom would all defuse the situation.

OP was specifically concerned with getting yelled at and her reaction to it. I gave her suggestions to avoid her 2 year old being in danger or to not be offensive. Remember she was watching the situation develop. She didn't come across this so she had some time to figure out her options.
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