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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Sending Special Ed Child to Public School
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 4:35 am
I'm thinking of sending my child to special ed class in public school for next year. After one year, I'm hoping to be able to mainstream him with help (shadow, services, etc). So I'm just looking for info on how this worked for other people. How old was your child, how many years in the ps, how was the experience from a religious aspect, how did it affect your child to be in that environment, etc. Please share your experiences as we are very concerned that this will very negatively impact our very social and outgoing son. Thank you.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 5:25 am
Be careful. I put my son into a public school for one year, on the advice of professionals. I was told that the frum schools will take him back, it's not a problem. We cannot get him back into a frum school again. He doesn't have frum friends and there is not much time to cultivate relationsihps because he is not in school with them.

The schools watch out for their current students and are very hesitant to take a child with learning differences.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 5:48 am
It's easier if you're not someplace like NY or Lakewood. NY Imamothers will need to answer if that's where you live. It was very easy in my PA community. The kids saw each other on Shabbat and in the neighborhood .
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 6:02 am
Op here, we will not be in NY or lakewood.
He has very strong jewish identity and is very social and so I'm worried about the reaction when he is thrown into non-jewish class and kids with whom he will spend all day but can't have play dates with.
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Violet123




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 6:23 am
how old is your son? I have a son in public school and if you'd like you can pm me. it's pretty new for me too so I wont be able to give much advice, but I would love to hear from others in the same situation.
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amother
Amber


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 6:23 am
Ask yourself what your trying to gain from sending him to public school.
Make sure that the school you are going to send will actually provide this.
Make sure your child is placed with the most compitant teacher. In my state they put SPEC ED kids in an inclusion setting. For some it works great, but others just get lost. They are put into a class with another 24 kids. There is a second teacher in the class to support what the main teacher teaches, but she usually is making sure that her 5-8 SPEC ED students are keeping up with assignments, nothing else.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 6:26 am
For the record, I am not in NY or Lakewood either.

I mention my situation because I would hate for someone else to make the mistake that I made.

Another thing to be careful with - although my son is in a public school where there is separation of church and state, he had a substitute that read the class a book about a boy who went to church. It must have been described in some detail because my son started asking A LOT of questions about Christianity and Islam.

He did, however, make great strides academically.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 6:27 am
We are going into second grade.
It would not be an inclusion or integrated class. Our IEP mandates 12 students to 1 teacher to one assistant.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 6:30 am
Goldenrod, besides for that one incident, did you have any other issues with religion? I don't mean just the teachers, I mean students as well.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 6:58 am
Yes.

There is a child who often takes his yamulka during recess and won't give it back until the end of recess.

He has been punished several times in the lunchroom. He was getting punished for washing his hands for al netilas yadayim. Twice. I complained both times. Apparently the teacher that was punishing him was not on duty during lunch time. He was also punished for throwing out his garbage before bentching since he knew that otherwise it would coincide with his bentching. He had to bentch while standing against the wall.

There is a child who tries very hard to get my son to talk after he has washed.
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wispalover




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 7:12 am
Look I'm lwmo and send my son to regular public school in NJ. His school is amazing. And I do mean - amazing. We are fortunate enough to live in a 10 rates school district and my son has a strong, strong iep inc ST, PT, OT. Most of the class are very wealthy Asians (Chinese/ Korean/ Japanese) or white wealthy. I am very open about the fact we are Jewish but my son doesn't wear a kippa to school as he doesn't want to and it's not something we enforce at home honestly; washing/ bentching etc are not things we do regularly either so I can't comment as to those religious aspects. We do send in kosher snacks for when there are birthday parties etc and we are always replenishing supplies. I am a class parent so I go in as often as I can and check stuff they are giving out so he can join in more.
As for playmates, he loves his classmates and plays w them and neighborhood Shul friends on Shabbat.

As far as frum schools not taking your child- I am not surprised. Why would a school take a child w special needs (if indeed they are still needs)? It is hard to fight for services as a private school and they may think your son still needs help. Sending to public school w a view to main streaming rarely works out unless your child is only mildly delayed in a certain area (PT for example).

I cannot praise my sons school enough. He got help and services I know he would never have received in a Jewish school. I do not regret helping my child over wondering what people might say or think for a single second.
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wispalover




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 7:32 am
amother wrote:
Op here, we will not be in NY or lakewood.
He has very strong jewish identity and is very social and so I'm worried about the reaction when he is thrown into non-jewish class and kids with whom he will spend all day but can't have play dates with.


Why can't he have play dates btw? My son goes on play dates (he's 6). I go with him sometimes and I always send along treats for both kids in a zip lock bag for each boy. He knows not to eat anything and to only drink water.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 7:40 am
Wispalover, my child is in a regular public school class with typically developing children. He gets a half hour of tutoring in a group of six children. For a half hour a day someone sits with him in class to help him stay on task. I would expect a Jewish school to be able to meet his needs.

I am happy with our public school experience (even with the bumps) but it's not a Jewish environment. I think that a Jewish environment is very important. I can supplement, but it's not the same.
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wispalover




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 8:12 am
amother wrote:
Wispalover, my child is in a regular public school class with typically developing children. He gets a half hour of tutoring in a group of six children. For a half hour a day someone sits with him in class to help him stay on task. I would expect a Jewish school to be able to meet his needs.

I am happy with our public school experience (even with the bumps) but it's not a Jewish environment. I think that a Jewish environment is very important. I can supplement, but it's not the same.


In an ideal world, of course I would send to a Jewish school. Unfortunately, I don't live in an ideal world- I live in reality. The ideal is that of course Jewish schools *should* be able to provide a tutor and someone to sit with him, but reality is such that unless you are in a special needs program, at a Jewish school, chances are they won't bother. And, really from a school perspective- why should they? They want kids who will be able to sit and learn, not kids who need help with attention issues. In the public school system, they cannot pick and choose and have a duty to support these kids- the sad reality is that Jewish schools don't feel morally bound in the same way, and that is the greatest shame of all.
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CPenzias




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 8:22 am
My son is in public school. I'm happy with the education he's getting. He's been in public school since prek. I tried a yeshiva and it was a nightmare. I don't feel like spending thousands for incompetent schools who can't handle a child who doesn't fit the mold.
As far as Judaism, it's not easy. My son goes to a Hebrew tutor once a week. Not enough. We moved to a small frum community lLas last year abs we're very happy b"h. We go to shul every week and my son goes with my husband to mincha/mmaariv at his request.
You can ask me anything you'd like
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 9:06 am
CPenzias, I do have a question - Does your child feel left out because he cannot go to a frum school? This is an issue that I have wih my son. He asks me every few weeks if there is a Jewish school that would take him. I don't want him to feel that he is not accepted.

Also, given that you moved recently, how did you go about finding frum friens for him (or did you not)?
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wispalover




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 9:13 am
amother wrote:
CPenzias, I do have a question - Does your child feel left out because he cannot go to a frum school? This is an issue that I have wih my son. He asks me every few weeks if there is a Jewish school that would take him. I don't want him to feel that he is not accepted.

Also, given that you moved recently, how did you go about finding frum friens for him (or did you not)?


I know that this question was not directed at me, but my son frequently comments that others in his class aren't Jewish, and when can he can to school with his baby sister etc, etc. I explain to him that different schools are good for different things and remind him about the things he does in school that his little sister gets to do; I personally love that he celebrates Mothers and Fathers day, that they do special kindergarten concerts, that they have a thriving program that parents are invited to see etc. I also tell him that he wouldn't get to see Miss K and Miss D and Mrs S (his OT/PT/ST etc) if he moved to a different school.

I have also told him that he is in the best place for him because he is getting special help with reading and writing- kids know they have limitations and I explain it to him in a really nice way.
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CPenzias




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 9:24 am
He doesn't mention feeling left out. He's been in public school since prek though. Also the community that we moved to has children. That's why we chose to move there.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 9:41 am
We sent our teen to public school this year and are very happy with his academic progress. But he has started to move away from Judaism pretty significantly. On the other hand, the frum schools were really not working for him. He was failing every single class and would have been held back. Now he has an IEP and is doing well, both academically and behaviorally.
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 29 2015, 9:42 am
amother wrote:
Yes.

There is a child who often takes his yamulka during recess and won't give it back until the end of recess.

He has been punished several times in the lunchroom. He was getting punished for washing his hands for al netilas yadayim. Twice. I complained both times. Apparently the teacher that was punishing him was not on duty during lunch time. He was also punished for throwing out his garbage before bentching since he knew that otherwise it would coincide with his bentching. He had to bentch while standing against the wall.

There is a child who tries very hard to get my son to talk after he has washed.


Have you made very clear your child's religious needs? How did the school respond after you complained? Have you spoken to anyone about the child who takes his kippah?
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