Wedding gift for teacher?

amother

Blue

Sun, May 31 2015, 9:53 pm

My child's teacher (assistant, actually, but I appreciate that they all work hard) is engaged and the class mother is taking up a collection for a gift. Of course I'm going to participate if that's what "we're" all doing but I'm just wondering if this is standard? I mean, we do give gifts Chanukah, Purim, end of the year, as appreciation to the teacher, which I think is appropriate in the context of the relationship. And of course I think it is very nice that she is engaged, I'm always happy for another person's simcha. But until the class mother initiated it it didn't occur to me that a gift would be in order here, especially since we're about to do an end-of-year gift anyway. Just wondering what y'all think. I certainly didn't expect any wedding gifts from my clients when I got married. Scratching Head

amother

Orchid

Sun, May 31 2015, 11:09 pm

firstly not everyone gives aides any gifts at any point during the school year.

I am a teacher.
I have a had all 4 of my children while teaching in jewish schools.

With my 3rd child ONLY, one of my classes got together and bought me an outfit from gap with socks. The total cost was $20. That means each parent spent $1. For all I know it was a regift.

I was SO GRATEFUL for the gift. Everytime I put it on baby 3 and then again on baby 4 I thought of those students/parents who took the time to say mazel tov to me.

A gift was not bought for me with my last baby. I didnt expect it, I would have been grateful to have gotten it, but I didnt get one and that was that.

The gift for her doesnt have to be anything more than $1-3 per parent. The gift can be a family set of benchers, napkin holder, etc.

Most of my teaching career has been done in departmentalized situations. The one year I taught a full class I only got gifts/money from 17/28 of my parents and that was throughout the entire year. I dont need a GIFT or MONEY, I want the thought. When teaching departmental classes, I have taught anywhere from 80-120 students at the same time. In one school the PTA took care of it. In the other school it is left to class mothers or single parents. Throughout the year (RH, chanuka, purim, end of year) I have only got a gift/money/card from a maximum of 40 of those parents and some of them multiple times.

amother

Blue

Sun, May 31 2015, 11:29 pm

They were asking $10 per parent. The class numbers in the teens but I'm guessing not everyone is going to chip in. So I don't want to be "out" but I also think that's pretty generous, after we're also doing a group end-of-year gift.

As for having a baby, that's really sweet that a class gave you something. I REALLY wouldn't think of that; usually when a teacher has a baby it's a pain in the neck for everyone with at least 6 weeks of a substitute and transitioning at both ends. I'd say putting up with it is about as much as you could expect from anyone, and a mazal tov comment in your next communication. (Mind, I have been a teacher, and I fully realize that having a sub is almost as much work for the teacher as anyone else. But still.)

I think for departmental teachers it makes a lot of sense for the PTA to arrange it, it gets to be a lot of teachers for parents to keep track of and with more students, they can give something presentable without individual parents having to break the bank.

Personally, I did one year as an assistant (half day, 2 classes of about 25 each) and one year as a teacher in a very highly involved special-needs class (5-7 kids at various points). I received maybe 2 tips as an assistant (two. Out of over 50 kids) and one mishloach manos at purim time that year, and from the special ed class exactly one mishloach manos from one child and that was it, all year. I know it's not really right to expect anything but now that I see the kind of gifting that seems to be standard, I'm a little insulted in retrospect. And also feeling a little pinched now that I have about 6 teachers/assistants and 2 therapists to tip myself (and we're just entering school age here! 2 in school) and that was before I ever heard of wedding gifts.

So, amother above, being that it's the thought that counts, would you consider it better to get (from me, I have a kid in your class Wink

) an individual gift that was found cheap and may not be your taste but is given individually with a personal note, or a more respectable gift that I chipped in for with the class (say, your gift card is going to be $8 or so bigger because of my contribution)?

amother

Orchid

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 12:52 am

amother wrote:

So, amother above, being that it's the thought that counts, would you consider it better to get (from me, I have a kid in your class Wink

(I'm the amother from above)
I honestly dont look at the value of a present/gift card that I get.

I have been asked to join class gifts and I have done that because I know that if I dont join it will lessen the total of the gift so even if I have to spend $5 more to join the gift I do it.

I have gotten gifts from serving platters, apples with honey, serving spoons, mugs, pads of paper, a sweater, napkin basket that you put in the bathroom, etc. I can go on and on.

I have also gotten $100 to macy's, and $100 check from the same parent for 2 of their children. I appreciate the value of these gifts but in ALL HONESTY I give as much of a smile and gratitude to the sweater mother and the $100 check mother.

Iymnok

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 4:32 am

I find that the one organizing does not always have the other parents in mind. I B"H have a few kids in school, the mother who does the collecting is often better off, mother of an oldest or the like. I also want to give a nice gift that expresses gratitude, but I also don't want to feel resentful.
Beautiful gifts can be found for $20-35 that's $1 per kid.
A wedding gift is fine but it should be small.