Babysitter dilemma. help!

miami85

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 11:06 am

We've had an israeli middle-aged babysitter for 2.5 years to watch my kids after school. When I had a baby earlier this year I wanted to find someone to share with b/c our finances were limited. However she needed the job/$ so she offered to watch the baby all day with my kids in the afternoon. Then she asked for more $$ but we told her that we can't afford it. She said she didnt feel comfortable watching 2 babies to make up the difference and was interviewing for another job. Meanwhile I guess she didn't get the job and is still watching my kids. Our finances are stretched to the max and I'm job hunting to be able to afford the babysitting . I speak some Hebrew but not fluent and she speaks a lot of English but sometimes its hard to understand her so while we have had a mutual understanding that she needs rent money we are not able to be overly generous. Last week with shavuos and then my boys were sick and so my husband paid her according to the time she worked--like we've been doing. Thursday she seemed disappointed with the amount she received for the week (cash on Thursday placed in the diaper bag)--I think she was suspicious that someone took some money. I told her I'd check the cheshbon with my husband. He verified that the amount was correct. Then she didn't show up on Friday--didnt call. This morning she didn't come again and didn't call. I called her and she asked me about the money I told her that it was correct b/c short week and watching fewer kids. She said she wants to speak face-to-face when I come home today. Meanwhile my husband has to watch my baby today and try to learn in kollel today--which might not be so easy as she's teething and cranky. I have to be at my job and have interviews coming up. What do I do? I'm not happy that she just didn't come and is expecting more $$ than she worked. On the other hand she's been great for 2.5 years, though I only really need her for another couple weeks. I've never been good with handling these types of confrontations. My husband understands her less than I do.

PassionFruit

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 12:57 pm

Get a new babysitter now! You never ever leave your kids with a person who is desperately holding on to every shekel you give them. However normal and moral people seem, they have a lot of power, being in charge of your kids. Whether it is something minor [ex-I'll let the baby cry, darn baby who's mommy doesn't pay me enough] or something more major [think nachlaot babysitters handing over babies for money], we do not take risks by trusting vulnerable people. Especially when there is a language and cultural barrier, it is very hard to pounce on subtleties that would give away fishy behavior. Israelis have different ideas about privacy, discipline, and all kinds of things, and even though you have no reason to be worried about something in the past, it is time for change.

singleagain

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 1:04 pm

Having done babysitting, I think there has been a miscommunication on /how/ she gets paid. Per hour vs per week. When I used to babysit I was paid per hour and when they didn't need me to work (school break) I did not get paid for that. It sounds like she might have been expecting to be paid even over the "break" ... Do you have a friend or neighbor who would be willing to help be there to translate for you so you can get to the bottom of what she was expecting vs the arrangement you thought you had?

self-actualization

Mon, Jun 01 2015, 1:34 pm

I don't know ... you say you only need her for a few more weeks, but what are you going to do next September?

I went through many babysitters and then I found my frum Russian babysitter who is great with the kids - I've had her for 3 years - in the beginning I didn't pay her for Pesach and then she went nuts about that, also asked for a raise when I had a baby. Both of these issues threatened to terminate the relationship but then I realized she was hard to find and is doing a great job - having her there lets me go to work.

What I recommend is to try to keep her. Have your husband there (for support) and tell her that money is tight, etc. Try to work out a compromise. She is not in a good spot because most people don't want to get a new babysitter in the summer time (actually there is much more supply than demand). Also ask her to give you a few weeks notice if she does find a better job - because that's the professional thing to do and you will be a reference for her if she acts professionally.

(At the end of the day, don't take it personally. She's just a person like you are and she is feeling pinched financially too!)