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How can anyone ever be happy?
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Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 2:40 pm
We all want to have the perfect family and have more money and be more popular. Whatever we have can never possibly be good enough.

Please explain to me how anyone can ever be happy.
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Happydance




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 3:08 pm
[quote="Devoirie"]We all want to have the perfect family and have more money and be more popular.

Says who?
I just want to have a nice family, enough money to make it and some good friends...
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 3:12 pm
Devoirie wrote:
We all want to have the perfect family and have more money and be more popular. Whatever we have can never possibly be good enough.

Please explain to me how anyone can ever be happy.

Who says we ALL want to have the perfect family and more money and be popular?

I know that I am happy with the family that I have, would love more money but am doing my hishtadlut to get it and that makes me happy (or at least a fulfilled feeling) and more popular? Not even a little bit do I want that.

And of course people can be happy. There are so many people who are happy with what they DO have.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 3:17 pm
I am very happy and grateful, and life is far from "perfect"
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grace413




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 3:27 pm
"Aizeh hu ashir? Hasameach b'chelko"

Happiness is being satisfied and grateful with what we have.
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gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 3:31 pm
I don't even understand the question. Please explain to me how intelligent, healthy people with families and enough money to suit their needs could possibly be unhappy.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 3:45 pm
If my kids were perfect, I'd be worrying that they were switched in the hospital at birth, and if I were popular, that would just be more people to avoid. LOL

But seriously - you can want more, without yearning for more in a way that destroys your happiness.
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 3:59 pm
Anyone can be happy, once you realize that your happiness can be developed, and then carried along with you wherever you go and in whatever circumstances you find yourself.

When you externalize your happiness, making it depend on something outside of yourself, then you can end up with the anxiety of "what if this person/circumstance changes?" And there goes your happiness.

The way to build that happiness is through gratitude, as corny as it sounds... It's not even necessary to say "at least I'm not suffering like her" or "at least I don't have debt like them".

The way to be grateful is to see what and whom you do have, to really see them, accept them, and enjoy them as they are.

And to focus on today, not get stuck in the past or worry about tomorrow.
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 4:07 pm
I think that the key to happiness is not only being happy with WHAT you have, but being happy with YOURSELF. Accepting yourself. Being kind to yourself. Recognizing your worth and your ability to bring happiness to others. Surrounding yourself with healthy, supportive relationships. Knowing how to assert yourself, especially with regards to personal boundaries. Not caring what others think about you, because you value your own opinions and feelings. Realizing that what you have, and what everyone else has, all comes from Hashem.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 4:14 pm
Devoirie wrote:
We all want to have the perfect family and have more money and be more popular. Whatever we have can never possibly be good enough.

Please explain to me how anyone can ever be happy.


Be perfect life scripts often fail. The expectations may be unrealistic.
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justcallmeima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 4:21 pm
I believe that happiness is a choice. For some it is harder to cultivate than for others. NOBODY has a "perfect" life, but we all have a lot for which to be grateful. Focusing on being grateful for what we do have and not on what we don't have, is the first step towards happiness. When I find myself focusing in what I wish I had, I start keeping a gratitude journal. I write down 10 things every day for which I am truly grateful. It really helps.
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 5:44 pm
justcallmeima wrote:
I believe that happiness is a choice. .


Precisely. Cultivate gratitude. Quit comparing yourself to others and looking at what you don't have and start being grateful for what you do have. Imagine all the people who are jealous of the things you have that they lack. Live in the moment and think about all the sources of happiness that exist in that moment. Yes, the little things, not just the great big cosmic things. World peace is not likely to be found in our time, and a cure for cancer and Alzheimer's may or may not come in time to save us, so there's no point brooding about it. Instead, squeeze out all the joy you can by appreciating all the small delights every day. The elevator was on your floor and you didn't have to wait for it. Your favorite cereal is on sale this week. Your kid made honor roll , you had three days of perfect weather, your dog is finally housebroken. And the bigger things: your kids don't get in trouble at school, your dh doesn't cheat on his taxes or on you, that shadow on your X-ray was a piece of dust. It's all there. You just have to open your eyes and look.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 6:07 pm
Devoirie wrote:
We all want to have the perfect family and have more money and be more popular. Whatever we have can never possibly be good enough.

.


Speak for yourself. I disagree firmly and vociferously. Not everyone wants to have (much) more money. Some people are happy with a few good friends and neither need nor want more. Some people live within their means and enjoy that fact. Some people find pleasure in their families' imperfections. For some people, "good enough" is quite simply good enough, and they know that "more" is not necessarily "better".

Perfectionists may achieve more, but Goodenoughonists, also known as "smechimbechelkamists" are happier. Some people may accuse goodenoughonists of laziness or lacking ambition, but perhaps they have simply achieved something perfectionists never will: the proper balance in their lives. I firmly believe that this balanced philosophy can be developed even by people for whom this is not a natural state of mind.

A nice cold drink of tap water from the fridge is no less refreshing on a hot day than a bottle of Evian pulled from a wine bucket full of crushed ice, kwim?*




*Better, actually. I've had Evian and it tastes foul.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 9:06 pm
Read Gateway to Happiness by Rabbi Pliskin.
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zohar




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 10:02 pm
Happy doesn't mean "a stress free life that is lacking nothing." I wish to be wealthier, thinner and have certain tzaros and stress to disappear. I am still a very happy person.
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sneakermom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 10:33 pm
One level of happy means not being traumatized. A person can choose to be happy as long as circumstances are reasonable. For example if a person is burning in a flame they are being consumed and they can only feel pain. Happy doesn't come into the picture.

But if a person is living life with the normal or even above normal ups and downs, and relative health he is free enough to choose to be grateful, to be happy.

There is a very high level that victor frankel discusses in which a person can find himself in terrible circumstances (he was in a concentration camp) and find joy in controlling ones mind. Using the brain to hold onto ones humanity. The piece that no one can take away from you.

But if you focus on external things to make you happy you will find that you are never satiated. A person is never rich enough, pretty enough or respected enough or free of vulnerability. And these things are mostly out of our control.

When we focus on our bechira. Making choices. Focusing on what we CAN do. Then that in itself brings real joy.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2015, 10:39 pm
Happiness is not necessarily having all of the things we want so much as finding satisfaction in the journey of improving ourselves and our circumstances each day as we work toward getting those things.

Right now, my goal each day is "serenity" - to be mindful of each moment I receive and enjoy the happy ones, breathe through and master myself through the challenging ones, and try to be the best me I can be each day. Needless to say I usually fail at least fifty percent of the time but that is what makes life so exciting!!!! Each day is a new day!!!!

Life - IMHO - is not about having stuff changed for the better as much as it is living the process of that change and enjoying the ride. I may not be as thin/rich/kind/patient/emotionally healthy as I want/hope I one day will be, but each day I strive to get better and stronger and closer toward those goals, and that's great. If my life were perfect (oxymoron!) I'd be an angel or dead. Or bored. Or suspicious that my olam haba is seriously lacking. Imperfection means I am alive!!! Imperfection means Hashem gave me challenges that cue me into what I'm supposed to be changing in myself so I become the person He wants me to be!

Which is not to say that I actually am successful. I actually spent today mostly failing. But as long as I am trying I think that's the way to true happiness.

Edit: reread this. OMG I sound like I am a holy awesome person when I am totally not. I have impressed myself. I think I'm gonna post this on my fridge for the next time I'm groaning and moaning exhausted
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 3:52 am
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 6:33 am
It's really sad that you feel this way and even sadder that you're convinced that everyone feels this way.
I thought this thread would be about being happy when so many trgedies arojnd us...
In any case -
I DO NOT want to be popular ! I have my few close friends and don't need more .
My family is perfect bh- we are all healthy!
Money? We don't have much but we somehow always manage to cover our bills plus have fun- I don't feel that I need more ...
Please please - for your won sake- try to work on yourself to be happy with what you've got . Don't wait until it's taken away from you to appreciate what had been given to you.
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Liebs




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 6:45 am
Devoirie wrote:
We all want to have the perfect family and have more money and be more popular. Whatever we have can never possibly be good enough.

Please explain to me how anyone can ever be happy.


If you want perfect family you'll NEVER be happy because only G-D is perfect and he perfectly created us imperfect humans. I love my perfectly imperfect family!!! And trust me they are really not perfect....
Trying to find good qualities to appreciate or accepting the difficulties in life....trying to be grateful.
I'm pretty happy despite my some VERY difficult nisyonos which I don't wish on anyone!!
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