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Chosson wants a set of Shas - where can I get one cheap?
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:37 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Can someone explain this to me please? Why do men have to have all of shas? Why cant they buy them as they learn them? Why do they have to have the ehole set? I know it looks nice, but if it is never used? My husband davka asked not to have shas be bought for him as he knew that he would learn it all at his own pace when he wanted. He has a few, but he knows that he is actually learning them, not that they are just sitting there.

One doesn't absolutely need to own the whole set (depending on where you learn, even a softcover of a single perek might be enough), but it can help if the subject on the page your learning is also discussed somewhere else, or a commentary refers to another place in Shas, to look at that other place.

And sometimes you come across a reference when you're not in shiur.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:41 am
having a full set is nice. We have people visiting who use them. My husband sometimes wants to look up something connected to what he is learning.

I did not get him a chosson shas.
He had gotten a set of shas as a bar mitzvah present and they are still gorgeous because he only uses them in the house and buys a second copy to of whatever he is learning to carry around and keep in his car. by the time he is done the mesechta it looks pretty bad.

I bought him a set of DVDs of shas and an MP3 player and he uses it daily to review.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:43 am
I think it's part of the whole thing where a lot of things are bought for the chosen and kallah and then they are set for life and won't have to worry about them later. In Israel it's an apartment, now that's useful! In some circles it seems to be furniture. I don't come for one of these places but I do know that for the most part, any nice housewares I invested in (or rather, my parents did most though I did most of the shopping for it) I have and enjoy, while anything I said I'd do without I either still don't have or have to stretch to get or sometimes go for poorer quality for the sake of economy though I know in the long run it's not as worthwhile. I think it's great if parents can set up the couple as much as possible. The problems arise when it becomes standard, everyone starts wanting everything, and the means are not there. Some seem to have lost the concept that if you can't afford it, you don't do it, and you don't compare to people who are in a different station.
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abemom2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:52 am
mema613 wrote:
OMG, I didn't give my last daughter's husband one, just a watch (cost me $1,600 for that). Is there a site that lists just what one gives and who has to pay.


Our Shas cost way less than that. My father never bought the fancy Chosson sets for any son-in-law. They are from the bigger sizes though. The 2 full Seforim sets, plus becher, plus Tallis was less than your watch.

And my husband does use them at random. In addition to some learning, looking up a source, HW with kids....


Last edited by abemom2 on Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:55 am; edited 1 time in total
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tigerwife




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:53 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Can someone explain this to me please? Why do men have to have all of shas? Why cant they buy them as they learn them? Why do they have to have the ehole set? I know it looks nice, but if it is never used? My husband davka asked not to have shas be bought for him as he knew that he would learn it all at his own pace when he wanted. He has a few, but he knows that he is actually learning them, not that they are just sitting there.


This is what DH does. He buys a paperback as he goes along and brings it to shul/yeshiva. I thought it would be nice to surprise him with a set for at home but then again maybe a surprise is not so smart because of all the options...

I think with a set eventually it will all get used, no? They are not perishable and should last nicer than a paperback. But you're right, I should really find out if he really wants one before spending $800 or so *gulp*.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 10:51 am
The watch is NOT a new tradition. But nowadays guys have watches way before and there is so much choice you often buy the wrong one. Meh. I almost bought one for dh and didn't end up doing it as he's Swiss and into watches and I would NEVER have chosen right. He would have ended up with a blah watch he would be too afraid of saying he doesn't need.

The Shas, much better to check it outside the home than have those cheapy unreadable for the show ones. As a charedi rav said we can hope a guy who needs a Shas will regularly be in a situation to see a Shas (outside of home) regularly, right?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 11:55 am
What is that supposed to mean, about seeing a shas outside the home? What about all the serious bnei Torah who work in secular environments and need their own library if they're to learn at the times they can fit in? I may be misunderstanding.

I take issue not with the idea of expensive gifts but with the idea of needing all of them. I'm sure each individual idea is not new, and I'm equally sure that the idea of getting all is new. My impression is that in bygone times, a watch was a standard in what I guess we might call balebatish circles. Either in different circles or for an individual who was an especially promising learner, The gift would be as has. Recall that in "the alte heim" it would have been extremely rare for an individual to own a full set of any book, they weren't that easy to come by a couple hundred years ago. I'm sure in yerushalayim 80 years ago nobody had the slightest thoughts of any of this even if they came from a balebatish family in Europe. I'm imagining that additional things like silver menorahs were original ideas by individuals of means who may have even already had watches or just wanted to do something extra. I don't understand how this morphed into EVERY couple NEEDS as has AND a fancy watch AND I dunno, an embroidered Seder pillow set AND so on and so forth. Besides, what on earth are the couple ever going to buy each other as gifts down the line if they are so treated at this stage? I hear of people worrying because theyNEED to buy their new couple a menorah and I remember my mother buying my father his nice silver menorah as a gift when they'd been married almost 30 years and she had gotten a job and saved up for it. Until then he used a decent looking but simple, old brass one. It was a beautiful moment, and I as a child got to appreciate it as well. This is never going to happen for the couples who follow a schedule of expensive engagement/shana rishona yomtov gifts.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 12:14 pm
A man who is so into learning, he probably sometimes can have access to a shul or kollel or Jewish library when needed. If he lives in Timbuctu my comment doesn't stand. The rav wasn't speaking of that. I appreciate his POV but maybe it's again a Euro thing to have sometimes access.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 12:33 pm
OT but since watches are mentioned......Don't know which community you are in, but I heard that in more Litvishe/Yeshivish communities the boys are not into gold watches much. They are more into nice, classy leather-type or stainless steel watches (good to give a choice to the Chassan).

My sister is engaged, and my father insisted on giving her Chassan a gold watch, which he accepted graciously....but privately my sister told me he won't likely wear it till he's like 40 or on occasions to please my father. He said only Chassidish/Heimish chassanim wear gold watches nowadays.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 1:17 pm
Stainless steal is also very done.
yellow gold is not as common.

A leather watch can cost significantly less. I'm glad things are moving in that direction.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 1:23 pm
I live in a neighborhood with several kollels and shuls. My dh was "so into learning" for 10 years in yeshiva/kollel. Now he works long hours by necessity. When he has the time and energy to learn after hours, it isn't much and he isn't going to waste it going out. There is nothing like having him learning in our own living room, comfortably learning from our familiar sefarim.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2015, 1:32 pm
sky wrote:
Stainless steal is also very done.
yellow gold is not as common.

A leather watch can cost significantly less. I'm glad things are moving in that direction.


You are right, I updated my post.
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abemom2




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jun 13 2015, 11:26 pm
When I mentioned this thread to my husband he said there is a reason why the Shas and watch were the established gifts for the Chosson.

The Shas for him to learn, and the watch for him to understand that he now needs to keep track of time.

When a couple gets married it isn't only the present, but the beginning of a Binyan adei ad. When a child sees beautiful furnishings, nice paintings, but only 1-2 bookcases of seforim- he very clearly understands what the priorities at home are. Even if not every sefer of the Gemara will be used, the presence in the home affects the atmosphere, which in turn shows the family what's important. Its effects are more than what we realize.

The more seforim a home has, the more kedusha is in the air. This is why Bayis Malei Sefarim, a house full of Seforim is one of the 10 Mivtzoim the Rebbe established, because it is something that is everlasting for the entire family.

And the impression it makes on other people, especially those who don't come from this background is pretty amazing. Much more than a nice dining room set.

I hear it all the time, and we have hand me down furniture, very simple Ikea bookcases- but a very decent amount of Seforim. Even non-Jews who enter my home are amazed. I would love to have more, but they cost, and we slowly add. Every 2-3 years or so we add another bookcase.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2015, 1:05 am
abemom2 wrote:
When I mentioned this thread to my husband he said there is a reason why the Shas and watch were the established gifts for the Chosson.

The Shas for him to learn, and the watch for him to understand that he now needs to keep track of time.

When a couple gets married it isn't only the present, but the beginning of a Binyan adei ad. When a child sees beautiful furnishings, nice paintings, but only 1-2 bookcases of seforim- he very clearly understands what the priorities at home are. Even if not every sefer of the Gemara will be used, the presence in the home affects the atmosphere, which in turn shows the family what's important. Its effects are more than what we realize.

The more seforim a home has, the more kedusha is in the air. This is why Bayis Malei Sefarim, a house full of Seforim is one of the 10 Mivtzoim the Rebbe established, because it is something that is everlasting for the entire family.

And the impression it makes on other people, especially those who don't come from this background is pretty amazing. Much more than a nice dining room set.

I hear it all the time, and we have hand me down furniture, very simple Ikea bookcases- but a very decent amount of Seforim. Even non-Jews who enter my home are amazed. I would love to have more, but they cost, and we slowly add. Every 2-3 years or so we add another bookcase.
I agree up to a point abemom2. We have a lot of bookcases in our home. But they are not all filled with sfarim. Many shelves are filled with secular novels, other types of books as well. I agree that when people walk into a home with many books, it looks wonderful, but that does not mean only sfarim.
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rachelbg




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2015, 1:11 am
My family couldn't afford to buy him a set (he didn't have a previous set of his own, either), so he and I bought them gradually, sefer by sefer. We got the standard, big Oz v'Hadar that he learns from regularly. Within a few years we collected all!
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2015, 4:06 am
For an anniversary gift I got DH Otzar Hachachma. It's an external hard drive with hundreds of sefarim. Many of them more obscure that he would never buy since they are on a specific topic, hard to find, he'd use them so rarely... He uses it to research the sugya he's learning or clarify an idea or Halacha. Now I can't buy him a Sefer as a Chanukah present...
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ray family




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2015, 6:02 am
I couldn't afford to buy a Shas when we got married. I recently bought my husband the oz v'hadar set.
I asked him which one he wanted. he liked the layout and extra meforshim.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2015, 9:30 am
If one has an iPad then a wonderful option is iTalmud iPad edition. Costs $20 and has has the added features like it doesn't weight anything (outside the weight of the iPad), has English translation and has the full audio shiurim of the entire shas linked with the daf that you are on. The only down side is that you can't use it on shabbos, however that is usually not a problem since one can easily learn gemarah in shul since most shuls have daf yomi on shabbosim. A viable option is to get the iPad version and build a shas library over the seven year daf yomi cycle. However if the purpose is for show, or if money is no problem, well that is a different story.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2015, 11:42 am
My DH sold his gold chassen watch which he never wore during the 18 years we have been married so he could buy Otzar Hachachma with over 65,000 seforim. So I guess he has his priorities right.
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