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Can you keep a straight face?



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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 7:30 am
When your child does something wrong, but it's funny or cute, can you keep a straight face and not smile or laugh?

A friend and I had this discussion recently. She's amazing!! She's always calling her kids cute, no matter what they do. In some ways it's not good because she does it to their face and might even laugh, but it's not cute when they do something wrong, but in another way, I admire her for it. I wish I could see the good part in my children like she does. Anyway, she said she's trying to work on it and she doesn't do it with her older children because with them, it's not cute Mad . I, on the otherhand, am very good at keeping a straight face and most often, I don't find it cute.

Two incidents happened recently that I thought was so funny, but I did not laught or even smile Speechless , which I'm very good at anyway because I don't smile that much Very Happy Very Happy Confused Rolling Eyes . My 4ds called me bad. I told him that it's not a nice word to call your mother bad. He said, it's not a bad word, stupid and he mentioned a bunch of bathrooms words are bad words. Another just last night. We have a drain stop in our bathroom sink and the day before I told him not to touch it. His hands and face were dirty, so I told him to go to the bathroom and wash it. The next thing I know, he's calling me saying that it got messy in the bathroom. While walking to the bathroom, I told him to just wipe it because it's only water. It's good I went because he plugged the sink up, used soap to get bubbles and didn't shut the water off. He said when he plugs it, it makes more bubbles. Well, it did. On the floor, in the draws down the sink and all over. It was hysterical, but I didn't let him know that Wink . B'h, we have a drain on our bathroom floor.
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estelle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 11:08 am
Lol I find it so hard to tell my daughter off when she does something cute! Especially when she reacts in a cute way for example - I say "oh no!" and she copies me "oh no!" (shes only little) sometimes I just have to laugh! But yeah, its not very good for the chinuch!!
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 11:18 am
Yeah my DD can be pretty funny. I have to keep a straight face for her, but sometimes go to my room for a good laugh...or hold it in to share with DH when he gets home.

The benefit of finding it funny is that I can discipline her without personal anger. Like if she's a bit out of line, and it's funny, I don't take it personally, but I discipline her for her own sake alone. This keeps ME from getting out of line (I.e. excessive).
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 6:13 pm
Lucky you! I have to go into another room, shut the door and let it out of my system.
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Sadie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 6:30 pm
I babysit a very cute child with a well-developed sense of humor and there are two tactics that I deploy with him often. 1) I say "You have two choices, you can do X or you can do Y" and 2) "I'm going to count to three and if you don't stop that behavior you will lose a privilege"

It works pretty well BUT it means I sometimes have to hear stuff like this:

"You have two choices, let me watch TV, or give me the iPad" and "You have three seconds to give me my sword back, 1...2...3..."

To which I say,

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amother
Crimson


 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 8:48 pm
I have a 18 month old that's too cute and I find it hard to discipline...
For example she once did something wrong like throw her bread on the floor and I told her few times no but she did it again, and then I gave her a small tap on hand and said 'dada'.
Since then whenever she does something wrong, like spill her plate, or play with the water in the toilet, etc... and I tell her no, she right away taps her hand and says 'dada'...
She makes me laugh and hug her right away , but she got the whole concept of my saying no wrong...!
I can't ever look at her in a serious disciplining way, so she should know that she's doing something wrong!
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be good




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 9:14 pm
whats 'dada'?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 11:53 pm
As long as you basically have structure and discipline in place, I think it's OK to laugh at kids' antics sometimes. I think overall laughter and smiles do more for kids' long-term healthy adjustment than snapping and criticism.

I have this memory from before I was married, visiting a relative with numerous little kids for Shabbos. She had served them chocolate ice cream for a treat in the afternoon and I guess got busy/distracted with some of the other kids or meal preps or something. I was with her. When we came back to the little ones, they were COVERED in the chocolate ice cream and had smeared it ALL OVER the table (they were at a plastic kiddie table, thank goodness), the walls, themselves, just everywhere.

The mom laughed. I don't think this was an act of heroism on her part, I know her and I think that's just her personality, she is more chilled out about messes in general and has a great sense of fun and humor. But anyway, she laughed and said how funny they look all covered from head to toe like that, and the whole scene was just fun. After all, that's what the kids were doing before we walked in anyway, having fun.

I am not that type of chilled-out, fun personality. I would probably have yelled. These were not all such little kids, mind you, maybe one was a toddler, one 3, one 4? I don't remember exactly but definitely old enough that I'd think they should know not to smear ice cream on the walls. If my 4-year-old did that, I'd be angry. If my 2-year-old did it I would not tell her off for "should have known better" but I would be annoyed and give her a good lecture for the future.

I am not proud of this. I hold that memory sacred because I think it was a beautiful moment. The kids are not going to be undisciplined brats at 15 because their mother laughed off their mischief as preschoolers. They are (already, actually; this was a long time ago) pretty solid, nice kids as teenagers. On the other hand, I can see that my severity is not going anywhere good. Just tonight I told off my kids for taking nosh without permission and eating it while climbing on top of a pile of clean laundry that was waiting to go into storage (my fault for leaving the pile there, really, and for not screening the nosh as soon as it came - we have allergies and are therefore very strict about screening everything that comes home from birthday parties etc. I happened not to know about this particular birthday bag). I can see that this is not going to help them be happier or healthier adults. If anything it will only contribute to dysfunction based on fear, or low self-worth, or whatever happens to kids whose parents lecture them about noshing and making messes instead of providing them with extra warmth, smiles, and laughter. We don't have enough time with our kids to waste it on negativity.

I still think I wouldn't laugh about my kid flooding the bathroom with their bubbles, but my goal for now is to not react in a negative way either. Perhaps I could say calmly, "Bubbles are so fun for you! When the water goes out of the sink, it can make things messy and ruined. What can we do next time you want bubbles so things don't get ruined?"

Unfortunately I'm a creature of habit and keep saying the same old negative things over and over in different ways for each situation. But I'm still hoping and trying. For my kids' sake, I have to believe it's possible - for myself I'd probably have given up hope a long time ago but I can't do that to them. Each time is bad enough, the least I can do is have better intentions for next time.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2015, 11:56 pm
amother wrote:
I have a 18 month old that's too cute and I find it hard to discipline...
For example she once did something wrong like throw her bread on the floor and I told her few times no but she did it again, and then I gave her a small tap on hand and said 'dada'.
Since then whenever she does something wrong, like spill her plate, or play with the water in the toilet, etc... and I tell her no, she right away taps her hand and says 'dada'...
She makes me laugh and hug her right away , but she got the whole concept of my saying no wrong...!
I can't ever look at her in a serious disciplining way, so she should know that she's doing something wrong!

I also don't know what "dada" means but I get the idea.
My 2-year-old is like that - she starts to hit her sister, I say "You know what happens if you hit?" and she says with this big smile "Cribbie!" and runs off to put herself in. She looks good and miserable when *I* put her in time-out there, but something tells me time out is getting lost in translation somewhere... lol.
(anyone know how to stop a 2-year-old - really getting closer to 3 now - who thinks hitting is funny?)
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sneakermom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2015, 12:04 am
Da da is a little potch for a toddler. It's a baby word.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2015, 9:48 am
As my mom says you'll not laugh when they will be older... so don't laugh now or you'll have to work wayyy too hard to discipline later. It's a weak point of mine
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mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2015, 11:33 am
sneakermom wrote:
Da da is a little potch for a toddler. It's a baby word.


Really? People actually use that? I thought it was just an annoyingly stupid thing that my SIL says to her kids. What's wrong with just saying "no"?
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LiLIsraeli




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2015, 6:01 pm
mommyla wrote:
Really? People actually use that? I thought it was just an annoyingly stupid thing that my SIL says to her kids. What's wrong with just saying "no"?


I've heard it before, mostly from chassidish people. I don't use it.
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sneakermom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2015, 6:04 pm
mommyla wrote:
Really? People actually use that? I thought it was just an annoyingly stupid thing that my SIL says to her kids. What's wrong with just saying "no"?


I didn't grow up with it either but I hear it a lot with Yiddish speaking kids. It's cultural. That's all.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2015, 6:18 pm
I have a great sense of humor, and I love to laugh, so it is SOOOOO hard for me not to crack up at DD - especially when she was little. Now that she's a tween it just makes her roll her eyes at me. Rolling Eyes

There are times when I can hold it in, but boy is it ever hard. It's just not my nature to hide my feelings, and I have to remind myself not to reward naughty behavior. Children naturally want to make their parents smile, so if you cave in, they will do it again hoping to get the same response.
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israelgirl




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jun 20 2015, 4:43 pm
amother wrote:
I have a 18 month old that's too cute and I find it hard to discipline...
For example she once did something wrong like throw her bread on the floor and I told her few times no but she did it again, and then I gave her a small tap on hand and said 'dada'.
Since then whenever she does something wrong, like spill her plate, or play with the water in the toilet, etc... and I tell her no, she right away taps her hand and says 'dada'...
She makes me laugh and hug her right away , but she got the whole concept of my saying no wrong...!
I can't ever look at her in a serious disciplining way, so she should know that she's doing something wrong!


OKKK!! Mystery solved! Maybe my children are playing in your house because they insult eachother by saying , you're "dada" or Mommy, "you're dada" and me and DH are trying to figure out what in the world it means and where it comes from! So cute though when they get so upset and say out of frustration YOU'RE DADA!
I asked my 3 year old to get me something from the other room on Shabbos and he goes "I don't mind getting it but your going to have to wait with savlanus." I was dying.
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rowo




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 21 2015, 1:21 am
Depends on my mood...
But I think a balance is necessary. As long as the kids know whats ok and what isn't it can't hurt for them to see that their parents have a sense of humour.
Like with the ice cream example, things like that often make me laugh, but kids know it's innapropriate behaviour. And even though I would laugh I would still make them help me clean up the mess, the natural consequence. You make a mess - you clean it up.
For example today, two of my kids took a small chocolate without asking and then went to brush their teeth so we wouldn't see anything ...
The way my 3 year old told us about it a few hours later was so funny, we couldnt help laughing. But they knew it was wrong, and they know I'm disappointed and I want to be able to trust them. After too many nosh escapades I'm going to have to change the place I keep it.
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