How much to give for a wedding gift

amother

Royalblue

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 10:28 am

Just out of curiosity, how much $ is a reasonable gift to give for a chasunah? We aren't close friends with the couple or their parents. My husband davens in the same shul as the kallah's father. Btw, we're in U.S.

Also, does the amount of the gift depend on how elaborate the chasunah is? I've heard different opinions on this matter from my friends.

SYA

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 10:46 am

I think each person should give what they can afford. I dislike when there are these standards. Same with registries. There's usually only higher priced items.
If someone can afford $18 then there is nothing wrong with giving that amount. I've heard of a range of $18-100 depending on your financial situation and connection to the chosson and Kallah.

amother

Royalblue

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 11:16 am

Op here. Wow. One of of my friends told me $200($100/person). I just think $200 is a bit steep. Btw, we're a working couple. But still...

doctorima

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 12:46 pm

It depends where you live, and what's the norm there, also whether one or both of you are going to the wedding. Any way your DH can ask some other men in shul who are going and are roughly as close with the baal simcha how much they're planning to give? I agree you don't have to give $200, but $18 seems a bit cheap to me and could be insulting, unless that's really all you can afford and you know it.

Smile1234

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 1:08 pm

Acquaintances of my father from shul did not necessarily give us a gift. Why do you feel like you have to give? Just throwing that out there...

To answer your question - we got a range of $18 - $350 or more, I don't remember how high the highest check was...
IMO someone who you don't know and don't even feel close with their parents doesn't warrant a gift. But $50 is an appreciated amount without seeming cheap...

Also I don't think it makes a difference if one of both of you go to the wedding unless you know or think that the chosson and kallah are paying for the wedding on their own. Then they may actually use the wedding gifts to pay for the wedding and each additional person who comes for the meal can be an additional cost.

Raisin

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 1:10 pm

if you are close enough to go to the wedding surely you are close enough to give a gift?

I would also think at least $50 would be appropriate...

BetsyTacy

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 3:33 pm

What type of community do you live in? Are you asking for 1 attendee or 2? If only your husband know the baal simcha and only he attends the wedding ,even though your name is on the invitation too, then $50 is fine. Two people eating at a simcha for $50 seems cheap unless everyone knows that you are both working low wage jobs.

cbg

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 4:35 pm

$50-$100 is very generous depending on how much you can afford.
I usually give $72, but less is ok.
I wouldn't do less than $50

ROFL

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 4:38 pm

I do between $100-$200. It really depends on what you can afford. When I got married many years ago a lawyer gave me $18 and I was insulted. Someone else gave me $10 and I was honored with that amount.

SYA

Sun, Jun 21 2015, 5:29 pm

A wedding gift is not a must. It's a nice gesture. I didn't differentiate whether someone gave me $10 or $500. The doctor could be going through a hard time financially and be trying to hide it. You don't know someone else's cheshbon.

I received mainly $18 from my parents acquaintances. So did my siblings. I don't look down at these people. They really were not obligated to give anything. I am grateful and thankful to them for participating in my simcha and appreciate their thoughtful gift.

A person has to give what they can afford and not what others expect.

Iymnok

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 11:19 am

I was told that in Israel the costom is to "cover your plate". I don't like it because the rich people usually don't know me and the poorer value it more.
I usually give based on our relationship. I also prefer a usable gift.
I remember who gave me the things I use regularly. I don't know who gave me money and how much 8 years ago. Meaning, $250 and $18 became the same thing to me pretty quickly.

anotherima

Mon, Jun 22 2015, 11:28 am

Boruch Hashem I have many simchas, and it gets to be expensive to give money at each wedding, so if it's not someone we are close with I get a nice serving piece or a nice bowl (which I buy on sale) so it is very nice but costs much less.

imasoftov

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 3:47 am

Iymnok wrote:

I was told that in Israel the costom is to "cover your plate". I don't like it because the rich people usually don't know me and the poorer value it more.

I don't like it because I don't know how to estimate the cost of my meal.

Sadie

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 4:05 am

"Cover your plate" is a ridiculous custom. How is it acceptable to host a simcha you can't really afford on the cheshbon of your guests? I had people at my wedding who didn't even give a gift, for some of them I knew it was a hardship to even buy the bus ticket to get to the wedding hall.
I did make a list of people who gave gifts so that I could write thank you notes but otherwise I didn't pay any attention to who gave and who didn't, or how much. I say give what you feel comfortable with and if the chosson-kallah are good people they will appreciate it however much it is.