So sick of the drama

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 1:36 am

A vent.

DS is in beis midrash. He has ADHD.

On Sunday, he was the only family member who could go to a wedding of a close friend, 5 hours away. He got permission to come home (a 1 hour train ride) for Shabbos so that he could go.

I didn't go because 1) DH had shoulder surgery scheduled for the next day (today), and 2) I had to drive DD to camp, 3 hours in the other direction. DS got a ride to the chassuna, stayed overnight with someone near, and got a ride back to our house today.

He got back here at 5:30 pm. He decided he must do laundry before going back. Then, he noticed that his phone was out of power and he had to wait to charge it. Then, he realized he hadn't eaten all day. Meantime, I was bringing DH home from surgery and trying to help him get comfortable.

DS asked to borrow cash for the train ride, as he didn't have enough. (Not that he couldn't have planned ahead.) I offered him some extra, and said he should always carry emergency money, but he said he was too irresponsible, and would just spend it on junk. I told him it was getting late, and he should sleep at home and take an early morning train back. He declined.

He took a very late train. Then, he called me at 12:30 am in hysterics. The buses had stopped running, he had been searching for a cash machine for 40 minutes, he was scared and alone and overwhelmed. What should he dooooo?

This is not the first time he has done this. Last time it happened, I told him to take a cab to a cash machine. This time, I just listened, made sympathetic noises, and asked him to let me know when he was safely back.

Half an hour later, he texted me that he found a cash machine, took a cab, and was fine.

Now, *I* am having trouble settling down.

When, oh when is this child going to learn to plan ahead?! And stop calling me in the middle of the night with his latest crisis?!

amother

Blush

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 3:28 am

Congrats on reacting perfectly to the situation!

BDTD, got the T shirt.

My DD once called me at 1 am. She was about a 90 minute drive from home and the buses had stopped running. She asked me to come and get her. I said no. She asked me if I would pay $125 for her to take a taxi home. I refrained from telling her she was crazy and just said no. I told her to go sit at the bus station until the buses started again. She didn't want to do that so I told her that if she can't find anyplace open she should go to the closest police station and sit there til the buses started running again.

So somehow she found a place to stay.

It's often difficult to find the line between rescuing our kids and enabling them. Yes, it's anxiety provoking and gut wrenching.

chani8

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 4:42 am

Just amazing, both of you. Role mode responses. Thank you for sharing them. I will hold onto your strength next time any of my kids are trying to suck me into their drama. It's so so hard to remain calm when it's in my face, but it is my goal. Then of course there is that need to calm down internally later, which usually requires much venting it all out with DH. Perhaps I should come here to vent, but likely I won't have such successful stories to share, embarrassingly so.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 6:34 am

LOL, Blush, that is almost word for word the conversation I had with DS. I'm not picking you up, if you can't think of anything else, go sleep in the train station or find a police station.

Then, there was the part where he said, "I have a final in my college course this week, now I'm gonna fail it!"

To which I did not reply.

But if he does badly, I will consider it as completely his responsibility as if he hadn't done the work.

I will have to keep davening.

amother

Blush

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 7:33 am

amother wrote:

Great minds think alike. Very Happy