Why do women want to put on Tefilin?

HindaRochel

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 5:15 am

When I've asked this question of those who wear tefillin it is because it helps them connect with Hashem. Most of the women who put on tefillin, at least that I have talked to, are very dedicated, daven three times a day, and are quite learned. Obviously that is all from personal conversations, I can't vouch for every woman who does it.

Why do men do it besides feeling obligated?

ora_43

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 5:53 am

Some women feel pretty limited in the "Jewish" things they can do as women. I'm going to generalize in what I hope isn't an offensive way: for Jews abroad, especially if they aren't orthodox, there's a fairly limited number of things that are "Jewish." If you're a woman without obligations to family, that limited number of things drops to "daven (at home, alone)" and "light shabbos candles" which is once a week.

That's not enough for a lot of women. So some of them take on things like tefillin and davening in a minyan that they aren't obligated in.

It can be hard to understand if you live in a big Jewish community. (And vice versa - it can be hard for women outside big Jewish communities to understand that most women in them genuinely don't feel constricted by not being "able to" put on tefillin, because there's like ten thousand other Jewish things you can do (pretty much everything I do is somehow related to how I contribute to the Jewish community). )

Beyond that, most women in modern western societies aren't comfortable with the idea of any formal difference in men's and women's roles. The minute you say "only men do this" you're going to have women (and men) who get offended because it's not complete gender equality.

etky

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 6:16 am

ora_43 wrote:

Interesting take. To continue this line of thought - I think that for the non-orthodox in general there is a preoccupation with the external, tangible, communal and public aspects of Judaism that fills the void that non-adherence to halacha - that governs and embues all aspects of ones personal and private life with content - creates. I think women don't want to be shut out of any aspect of this. And of course the knee-jerk gender equality thing.

etky

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 6:57 am

On a visceral level, due to my background and upbringing, I just can't relate to the desire to put on tefilin. But I very much relate to the general sentiment that Baci expressed about being 'the other' in Judaism. Tefillin is one of those very visible, tangible and also daily things reserved for men. I think that women sometimes feel that men, who have more mitzvot, are in a closer relationship with G-d that they are excluded from. Tefillin can be construed as a symbol of this close relationship.
Donning tefillin might be a way to try to enter into that type of relationship.
This might perhaps explain Orthodox women's motivation to don tefillin.

chani8

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 1:28 am

I put on tefillin occasionally because it is a mitzva. As Chabad says, grab a mitzva when you can. So when I have the time, I do it. It's no different than shaking the lulav on Sukkot.

I enjoy my tallis more. I like feeling wrapped up in Hashem's arms. I also like that it affords me more privacy and less distractions.

I ask, how can a woman read the Shema every day and not want to fulfill the mitzva of tefillin and tzitzis at least once in her life.

trixx

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 2:41 am

chani8 wrote:

Please don't misquote chabad on this position. If you think it's a mitzvah you're earning then great but don't use chabad philosophy to support you on something it does not believe in.

blossoming

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 5:10 am

I hope I'm not ruining anyones good intentions, though I can find plenty of sources that men should whear Tfilin, Tzitzes, ect, but not one reliable source that a woman should do them to.

I feel like if I decide to be extra frum and wear tzitis under my shell, it would be the same thing as making up a new mitzva such as wearing a cowboys hat instead of a sheitel or snood...

chani8

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 5:53 am

blossoming wrote:

The mitzvot of tefillin and tzitzis are stated clearly in the Shema, by G-d to Klal Yisroel. The Gadolei Hador subsequently exempted the women, which some people confuse with forbid the women. We were never forbidden to lay tefillin, rather the Gadolei Hador in rachmonis understood how hard time bound mitzvos were for women.

You sound very confused if you think wearing a cowboy hat is any less of a mitzva than a snood. The first time women started putting on sheitels, only a few hundred years ago, was that making up a new mitzva??

champion

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 6:52 am

chani8 wrote:

very good distinction - exempt but not forbidden. I used to also think that we were forbidden but my Dh was the one to point out the difference. personally I doubt I will ever want to do it. it would seem so bizarre to me since I was never raised that way. but that is irrelevant. but if a women is honest with herself and wants to do it in addition to the things she is obligated in I would probably admire her. I would have a harder time feeling the same way towards a woman who is hardly practicing what she is obligated to.

Last edited by champion on Thu, Jun 25 2015, 7:13 am; edited 1 time in total

saw50st8

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 7:06 am

I think women who don tefillin are similar to the women who want to keep extra chumras. It makes them feel closer to Hashem in a way that I can't relate. I would rather put on tefillin than extra layers of tights, shirts and skirts.

It's all about the individual's path to Hashem. Some people find that meaning in tefillin, some in 4" extra on the length of their skirt.

chani8

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 3:43 pm

champion wrote:

It always comes down to suggesting that women aren't doing all that they are obligated in.

If a woman manages her home, takes care of her kids, keeps TH and Shalom Bayis, keeps Shobbos, bakes challah, davens, make brachos, bentches, keeps a kosher and healthy kitchen, keeps tznius, covers her hair, kisses the mezuzah, loves Hashem, works on her middos, makes tshuva regularly, calls her mom once a week, does chessed, gives tzeddaka, does hachnasos orchim, keeps shmiras haloshen, and learns Torah, does she finally earn the right to don tefillin?

little_mage

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 4:15 pm

I'm going to try to put out my thoughts on this. Hopefully, they'll be coherent.

I grew up Reform. We were absolutely, without a doubt Jewish and practicing. But it was mostly externals. Light Hannukah candles, keep Passover (not quite to where I do now, obviously, but no bread and not even a lot of kitiyot), go to synagogue. I went to Sunday school every week for years (kicking and screaming for a lot of them, but that had more to do with our synagogue). I was heavily involved in NFTY (youth group), and my one non-negotiable when looking at colleges was they had to have an organized Jewish group. There was never any doubt in my mind that I was Jewish and that it made me different from my non-Jewish friends. But our expression of that was external. It was something that, generally speaking, happened outside the home. Which thinking about it now, is a little odd, especially since two of the examples I gave are very home based.

However, I think I grew up thinking of religion as something that happens externally, and that outward expressions of religiosity are somehow more. Therefore, in addition to the knee-jerk "what do you mean I can't do something because I'm female" there is still a part of me that says putting on tefilin is somehow more important because it's a public thing. It doesn't help that we still privileged males in our Jewish spaces, and therefore there is a sense that men are better. If men are better then women, then why wouldn't women want to take on male practices that they are subconsciously seeing as better?

Even before I became religious, I was unlikely to ever be mistaken for a man. However, I must confess to having strong urges to go to the Chabad people asking about tefilin and asking if I could do so. I never did. I'm not sure if I'm glad or sorry, but it's not hard for me to understand the impulse.

I don't know if any of this made sense or if I was actually able to answer your question, OP, but I tried.

PinkFridge

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 7:41 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

I can't relate to excessive tznius but what you describe is women taking on more coverage because they feel that this is the best way to do the mitzvah of tznius, a mitzvah they have and are doing anyway.
But I have no doubt that women who are sincere in their wanting to put on tefillin see it as a way of coming closer to Hashem. I should hope so.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 9:28 pm

Um, in addition to lighting Shabbos candles, women are assigned taking Challah, and keeping TH.

Those are the Big Three for women.

You could add enabling a man to do a mitzvah he can't do unless she makes it possible, which is having children.

But back to gender distinctions.

Er, there are gender distinctions.

Our men need us to consent to them.

This may sound very odd, but they need us to protect them. They need us to protect and give permission for their differentness from us.

A feminist has one attitude toward her husband, and a very different one toward her son. Her husband could use improvement and worse.

But just touch her son. Claws.

Your sons need your daughters in law to not put on tfillin. And this can die in one generation. So be careful.

As for "as good as" nobody is too clear who is better than whom. For all we know clouds are better than lakes. It is not for us to decide what or who is better than who. That only G-d knows. "Better" is a very small word, best left to the marketplace, where it is obvious that a fresh fruit is better than a moldy one. Apart from that we don't know anything about "better".

We are not Essenes or Saducees, textual literalists. We listen to tradition and Mesorah and Chazal and our living authorities in our own community.

chani8

Fri, Jun 26 2015, 2:00 am

Dolly, I dont understand that part about the husband. I have only respect for my DH. He is more dear to me than my own sons, tbh.

Women wearing tefillin do not undermine the men.

I think 'who does what' should be personality based not restricted by gender. For example, not all men want to go to shul, yet reform/conservative shuls show how lots of women choose to be very active in the davening.

Dolly Welsh

Fri, Jun 26 2015, 2:30 am

Did I say no woman loves her husband?

As for the rest, well, we disagree.

Let me point out which "streams" are losing members and having too few children. Results matter.

What you are praising does not work long term. No matter how good it feels and how reasonable it sounds.

When men and women don't have defined jobs, the women are thrilled, and the men leave. We can't have the men leave.

There are much deeper things to say than that about women and men but I am too shy to spout chassidus in this learned company.

And you are too nice to argue with.

But that liberal stuff just isn't panning out. In, like, the real world.

It MATTERS they have a sixty percent out-marriage rate. It MATTERS they have few and no children.

I hear seventy-five percent of the Jewish children in New York City are Orthodox.

Gender defining roles seems to have some kind of life in it, and fluidity seems to kill something. Maybe there's something THERE.