How do I answer DD

rainbow dash

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 3:29 pm

My 9 yr old dd asked me this question.

If hkbh says 40 days before a baby is born that this one will marry that one and then they don't and chose someone else,is hashem wrong?

I think that the answer is free choice, but I wanted your opinions. Tia.

JMM-uc

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 3:33 pm

sequoia wrote:

"It's a figure of speech."

What does that mean?

rainbow dash

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 3:36 pm

sequoia wrote:

"It's a figure of speech."

Please elaborate so I can explain it to my 9 yr old. Thanks.

cbg

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 3:46 pm

You don't chose someone else. You are put into a situation that you chose your other 1/2 of your neshama. And your neshama feels reunited with its other 1/2.

youngishbear

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 3:53 pm

There is the concept of your bashert zivug, the one you deserve, the one you can work towards, etc.

sequoia

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 3:54 pm

rainbow dash wrote:

Please elaborate so I can explain it to my 9 yr old. Thanks.

Your daughter, like any intelligent child, wants an explanation of the paradox. How do you reconcile God's omnipotence and omniscience with man's free will? I suggest that there isn't a satisfactory resolution of this paradox. So you might tell her something like, "It's a figure of speech meant to encourage every Jew and remind us that there's someone for everyone."

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 3:55 pm

This is a rabbinic question and you have a very smart nine year old.

Don't wing it. Ask a competent Rav.

rainbow dash

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 4:01 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

This is a rabbinic question and you have a very smart nine year old.

Don't wing it. Ask a competent Rav.

Will do. Thanks.

naturalmom5

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 4:01 pm

Very smart. Dd
You should be proud
She is asking the Steipler question
40 days....is zivug rishon
Not everyone is zocheh to that

imasinger

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 4:29 pm

When my first marriage ended in divorce, I asked a similar question, and was told that the marriage failure was part of the plan, too.

Certainly, I would not have ended up with DH if I had met him first. Both of us had to change and grow before we were right for each other.

5*Mom

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 4:53 pm

rainbow dash wrote:

That's not an accurate translation of what the bas kol says. "Bas Ploni l'Ploni" means this one is meant for, or set aside for, that one. Not that they *will* marry. It is possible for us to get in our own way.

rainbow dash

Sun, Jun 28 2015, 11:49 pm

This is the answer I got from the Rabbi I asked.

The gemara implies that that's not always and perhaps only early the case that one's shidduch is preordained, or that one has a shot at it but may refuse. The reason I say this is because the gemara contrasts ארבעים יום קודם יצירת הולד בת קול אומרת בת פלוני לפלוני with קשה זיווגו של אדם כקריעת ים סוף.

salt

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 12:49 am

Quote:

If hkbh says 40 days before a baby is born that this one will marry that one and then they don't and chose someone else,is hashem wrong?

I don't quite understand your DD's question. If someone marries someone that they were not pre-denstined to marry, why was Hashem wrong. Maybe they were wrong.

5mom

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 1:26 am

How do you know that the person chose someone else? Hashem knows but doesn't tell us. We have no way of knowing.
Anyway, now might be a good time to let dd know that there are many sayings of Chazal that shouldn't be taken literally.

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 8:17 am

You marry who you are destined to marry. It doesn't mean it always goes well. We don't know why Hashem plans things (if the question is about divorce etc).

Some say first zivug is according to your mazel and if c'v you divorce then second zivug is according to your deeds.