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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
amother
Blonde
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 7:45 pm
We don't have a lot of money right now. Both us are in school, and while thank G-d we can buy food and pay rent, we really don't have money for extras, such as nice clothing or manicures. I can handle that- I focus on what I do have, and make do without the extras.
But when I see this girl walk around with high end designer purses and a wardrobe that literally costs thousands every season, I get mad. Because her father stole millions from other people. Sure, he was caught and sent to jail and had to give back some money. But a small amount compared to what he stole.
So now, his daughter has the ability to spend thousands on clothing, while I, who work honestly, can't even dream about these luxuries.
That makes me mad.
I don't get mad when see other, honest women wearing pricey wardrobes. Just one woman. Am I justified in feeling this way, at all? Please tell me I'm not entirely wrong
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amother
Brunette
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 8:08 pm
OP, I want to validate you. I really do.
You are working hard and can't afford what you would like to have. I'm not sure if that girl's father stole your money, or your loved ones', or strangers'.
But here's a little food for thought...
Greed is a character defect.
Stealing is a sin.
Jealousy is a character defect, too.
Judging others is a character defect, too.
You can't fix the injustices of the world. You're eating your heart out over others' wrongdoings which you choose to allow to affect you.
Don't.
Choose to let go.
You will have so much more peace of mind.
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naturalmom5
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 8:17 pm
Mesilas yesharim
No one gets away with ANYTHING
you don't smile at someone you should of you will give din v hesbon
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tigerwife
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 8:18 pm
If you really think about it, there is not that much to be jealous about this other woman.
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sequoia
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 8:43 pm
Yes. She must feel great shame. My father was in jail for only a few months, but even so, years later, I feel so humiliated when I meet someone from our milieu and they recognize the name. This girl has beautiful things but you don't know the pain in her heart.
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zaq
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 9:04 pm
1. What her father did is not her fault.
2. Her lovely possessions can't erase the humiliation.
3. Nice clothes that she didn't earn don't say anything nice about her. You can stand proud because everything you have, you are earning by the sweat of your brow.
Would you really want to be in her thousand-dollar shoes and have to hide your face in shame every time you step out in them?
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amother
Blonde
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 9:19 pm
zaq wrote: | 1. What her father did is not her fault.
2. Her lovely possessions can't erase the humiliation.
3. Nice clothes that she didn't earn don't say anything nice about her. You can stand proud because everything you have, you are earning by the sweat of your brow.
Would you really want to be in her thousand-dollar shoes and have to hide your face in shame every time you step out in them? |
Thanks to all you posters, you really are helping me look deeper at the source of my feelings and try to become a better, bigger person.
Zaq, I agree with your first two points but I feel like she must not be ashamed if she still flaunts "her father's" money by dressing this way. (She doesn't work and never did, and isn't married, so I know that the money to purchase these clothing must be her family's.) Not that this should affect my feelings about it...but I'm just saying.
No I wouldn't want to be in her $800 jimmy choos. I would like to get a grip on my feelings and grow up, and just be happy with what I have regardless of anyone else. I'm on my way
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SRS
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 9:34 pm
Know that there is Hashem who punishes.
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PAMOM
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 9:39 pm
You're being human --and you're obviously a big person to confront your feelings. I'd be angry also.
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amother
Brunette
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 9:43 pm
amother wrote: | Thanks to all you posters, you really are helping me look deeper at the source of my feelings and try to become a better, bigger person.
Zaq, I agree with your first two points but I feel like she must not be ashamed if she still flaunts "her father's" money by dressing this way. (She doesn't work and never did, and isn't married, so I know that the money to purchase these clothing must be her family's.) Not that this should affect my feelings about it...but I'm just saying.
No I wouldn't want to be in her $800 jimmy choos. I would like to get a grip on my feelings and grow up, and just be happy with what I have regardless of anyone else. I'm on my way |
Hats off to you for using your negative experience and feelings to grow as a person.
And for being open to hearing constructive words. It's pretty rare these days.
Count it as a character strength!!
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sneakermom
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 10:52 pm
She is used to being wealthy. She might not know all the details of her fathers thievery. The family might not believe the truth even if they do know details.
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alittlebirdie
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Tue, Jun 30 2015, 6:12 am
Work on feeling bad for her. It might take away the bad feelings.
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Lady Godiva
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Tue, Jun 30 2015, 11:26 am
You can always ask your father to steal from people, serve time, and then enjoy your designer clothes, shoes and bags.
I mean, that way you can literally walk in her shoes.
In all seriousness, you need to let this go.
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amother
Red
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Tue, Jun 30 2015, 12:26 pm
I totally get you OP
I am in a similar situation, not able to afford some stuff this summer, and when I see some other people that I KNOW can't afford it too, and they're husbands kvech to mine how they can't make ends meet, and need to keep on borrowing, and how do we do it, etc etc...
But I'm working on myself to LET IT GO, and there are all kinds of people in this world, and that we live for ourselves, we don't live for YENEM...
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