Does babysitting also include light housekeeping?

Fox

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 7:36 pm

When my DDs were building their babysitting business, they always made sure to do a little light housekeeping if -- and *only* if -- the children were asleep.

I can't remember a single client who didn't regard this light housekeeping as anything other than an unexpected bonus -- certainly not a job requirement.

Plus, a long list of chores doesn't sound like "light housekeeping" to me. It might be okay to say, "If the baby happens to take a nap this afternoon, could you please fold this basket of laundry?" From the OP's description, though, the tasks were pretty demanding and time-consuming.

This lady needs a cleaning lady, not a teenage babysitter!

sourstix

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 7:55 pm

how was she when she interviewed her? wait to see how she speaks. if shes all nasty just say nicely that the agreed upon terms are not met at this point and that she felt she was mistreated. and that she doesnt think the job is for her anymore. if she argues or is nasty you could just be quiet and say you need to go now and politely put down the phone. if she is reasonable and says she is willing to negotiate in a reasonable way then iwould give it one more chance. but if your daughter is uncomfortable then dont negotiate again. she needs to feel comfortable.

Ashrei

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 10:30 pm

Amarante wrote:

...

However, I would just give a bland explanation that it evidently just wasn't working out for either she or your daughter and that you are sure she will have no problems finding someone who is much more suitable for her expectations.

....

YES! This is the way to go. You may have to repeat a few times apologetically "I know, gee, I'm so sorry it's not working out..."

(ETA: l'chatechila, I think the expectations are totally determined by the pay level. you mentioned dd was getting paid well. depending on what that was, the employer might have expected the cleaning as a result. bedieved I guess it doesn't matter, it's done with now. just another perspective on the situation - everyone else is still right about it being a lot for a 15yo, the employer didn't think it through and wasn't explicit enough about her expectation for that pay amount. maybe she thought, "obviously I'm paying all this money, clearly she should know what I expected...")

amother

Purple

Tue, Jul 14 2015, 3:50 am

shirachadasha wrote:

If your daughter had known at the outset that this job for better than average pay included the additional responsibilities would she have taken the job?

OP. That's a great question. I think it would have made her wary from the onset, since she's used to just being responsible for the baby. I think communication was an issue from the start. The mom did call me and really just wanted to dump on my kid. When I told her that there were two sides to every story, she said "well now I know who I'm dealing with" and pretty much hung up. It's a shame because as far as I'm concerned, she had the best babysitter and let her go. Oh well.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 14 2015, 9:50 am

I think you handled this as best you could. You also did what's best for your daughter.

As the mother of two teenage DD's, I've had numerous experiences with employers, and I can tell all potential employers of teens this: if you want the max bang for your buck, be nice and be reasonable!

For example - my 14 year old DD, a total sweetheart who is great with kids, is working as a JC for the same daycamp as she did last year. The director is a doll who thanks her at the end of each day, keeps her pumped with compliments for doing a great job, and is realistic about the amount of staff needed for each group of kids. That's why the counselors like working for her and they give the job their all.

My older DD was a JC in a local camp where the counselors were constantly criticized, plus they did not have enough staff and worked very hard. For example, DD had the youngest bunk - 5 year olds - and it was just her and a counselor. Before a trip they asked for an additional helper (2 teens for a group of 20 is not enough, especially in a park) and they were told that they need to do their job, etc...this is what they were hired for...in the end they were given another staff member, but it was not done graciously. And guess what? Most of the counselors "had other plans" the following year. Plus the camp has not maintained popularity....the negativity filters down to the campers, too.

This women is going to learn the hard way. I wouldn't want my child working in such an environment, especially with no company.

acccdac

Tue, Jul 14 2015, 11:06 am

Iymnok wrote:

Good riddance.
Maybe it's a good time to talk with your daughter about setting the terms before accepting a job. What's expected, hours, how to say no/ put her foot down, what's included, what's extra. This is a great experience to learn from.

I feel like I will be yelled at for saying this but....

WITHOUT PRESSURING your daughter

I think it's important to talk to your daughter that she took a position, she agreed to something and she ended up with a mean boss and asked to do things that were not in the original agreement.

I think it would be a responsible things for you to speak with the mother, be straightforward clarifying what your daughter will or wont do and what your DAUGHTER expects (e.g. "she exacts to watch the baby, possibly pick up the toys while the baby is sleeping that the baby used, she expects to be treated nicely by your family) try the job for one more week, give it her best. If things dont get better after a week then she can quit.

I come from a family where quitting is not an option. That doesnt mean that you get to be abused but that means you do what you can to FIX the situation, you give it your best and THEN if nothing changes you can quit.

I think this mother is desperate, and she is probably a bit of a bully in life and no one has put her in her place before. I think you, as your daughter's mother, have the ability to put her in her place since she treated YOUR daughter poorly the same way you would be okay if that reprimand was because she had shaken the baby.

If your daughter doesnt want to try again, then I understand, but I think it can be a good teaching moment.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 14 2015, 11:34 am

acccdac wrote:

I was also raised in a family where quitting wasn't an option. As a parent, over time I've seen that extremes are never the right answer - everything has to be balanced. While I don't want to teach my kids to be quitters, I don't either want to teach them that they must stay in a negative environment.

The OP's DD didn't quit - she was fired. I see no reason at all to send her back to someone who fired her, then decided she'd rather not sleep in the bed she made, would rather not suffer the consequences of her own adult action, but would rather bully a teenager into doing things her way.

This situation doesn't sound fixable - especially given how the conversation went between the OP and the employer. The lady doesn't want to be flexible - she does not want to compromise.

I would not want my teen to have such a work experience. It can color future work experiences. It's not healthy.

acccdac

Tue, Jul 14 2015, 11:57 am

Chayalle wrote:

I hear what you're saying....

I'm only suggesting that the OP have this conversation with her daughter if she hasnt already.

I missed the post from the OP saying that the mother almost hung up on her, so at that point I wouldnt go with my post, because the mother is an unreasonable person and her yelling at the daughter wasnt a stress/one moment reaction but a character

I would use this as a teaching situation for the daughter so in her future employment if she has a contract that she signed etc how she could deal with this type of situation, or how she could have responded to the mother respectfully but honorably without being bullied

Butterfly07

Tue, Jul 14 2015, 2:35 pm

Babysitting is watching children. A housekeeper deals with in house items. A mothers helper is more of a one in all. Price varies depending on what you are 'expected' to do. (In any case, in no way should a worker be belittled & put down!) When I was about 16 and babysitting at someones house they asked if I can clear the table & do the dishes once the kids were asleep. I asked her straight up, 'am I getting paid for watching your kids or doing your house work'. She insisted said her kids will be asleep anyway. So I asked her if someone else will be coming to watch the kids while I do the dishes and she said no because I will be here. I told her if she would like me to do the dishes it will be an extra two dollars an hour because I would then be watching her kids and be tidying up. She looked annoyed and said fine, just watch them. I said ok! (Don't let people take advantage of you just because they seem superior) -Also always discuss details before going into a job, however uncomfortable it may be for you! Good Luck

Fox

Tue, Jul 14 2015, 2:48 pm

I'm also a big believer in not overprotecting kids in job situations. Let's face it, getting along with a lousy boss is a skill that will come in handy in life.

But the real-life consequences of being mean to employees, as Chayalle said, is that they quit. Now, my guess is that Mean Mommy is going to come back and say, "Well, I didn't actually fire her; I just wanted her to do a better job." Uh huh.

As much as I have frequently reminded my girls to "put on their big girl panties" when it comes to work, it sounds like the Mean Mommy is the one in need of a reality check.

Yes, indentured servitude is convenient -- even more so when someone else houses and feeds the servant. But it's hard to get servants in these enlightened times to stay put and take whatever abuse the mistress feels like dishing out . . . I think Mean Mommy is going to have to come up with a new paradigm.

In the meantime, keep coaching and encouraging your daughter. Every experience -- even bad ones -- will make her more capable and competent in the future!

amother

Purple

Tue, Jul 14 2015, 3:44 pm

OP. I also thought there would be some negotiations to see if DD could continue until they found someone else. Firstly, they had snidely told DD that there were many others who would do the job if she can't or won't. Secondly, the mom was so busy putting DD down in our conversation. I'm not sure what she expected or wanted me to say it because she quickly hung up before we got back to the issue of her being stuck.
It's very important to me that my kids be responsible - as much as would be age appropriate. Do what they say they are going to do, etc. But this was really over the top. I couldn't even get upset at the mom because she was spinning her wheels and not helping herself to get what she needed at all. Once I spoke with her, I really did not want to put my DD back into any situation with her. The mom is not a pleasant person to work with/for , and was only looking out for her own needs. DD tends to be more of a people pleaser and is working on getting better at getting her own needs met in different situations. I feel that this particular workplace is just too challenging for her right now.
I do appreciate all of your responses!