I think I'm just not good at Mothering.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 4:48 pm

WriterMom wrote:

I am a crunchy all natural type, but sometimes meds can be useful. Like other posters here, I'm really not about to tell you what you need! Or that you are depressed. But a couple of things stick out that are often flags for that: wishing you could sleep all the time, knowing that in the past you have coped with challenges but now they are too much, etc.

The really good news, if you are someone like me who hates the idea of drugs but might have an issue that needs dealing with, is that often they can be a short-term thing while you restructure your life and work on coping skills so that 9 months down the road you can thrive without them. Like a cast and crutches for a broken leg: you don't wear the cast for the rest of your life, or for a decade, just long enough to heal and support your weight as you move around while you wait for it to heal.

Having had your trust violated by a therapist is awful. If you want to explore whether you are depressed, start with your family doctor, if you like him/her. MDs are usually fanatical about confidentiality (because legally they have to be) and can often prescribe low doses for basic problems, and if the situation doesn't improve or it's complex, they can refer to experts.

I was pretty much where you are. The bad news is I can't really suggest anything beyond self-care, working on small changes that will pay off down the road, and asking DH and trusted loved ones for help. But the good news is it can and probably will go away, likely as the children get a bit older.

I know all too well that being told "it will be better in a couple years" sounds worse than useless when you are in the thick of it, I really do. Big hugs and sympathy.

Thank you for this nice post!

Crunchy? I thought the word was granola lol.
I mentioned meds in my first post as a last resort idea but I don't think it's something I will really do. It scares me.
I have a neighbor who , for whatever reason, is on Zoloft. She gained 50 pounds but is always happy and smiley (albeit a bit weirdly spaced out). She went for it 'just for a few months' to allow herself to heal. It's been years. She happily tells anyone and everyone that anyone and everyone should use Zoloft because life is bliss. I don't know how exactly she runs her household but her kids look happy and well taken care of. So that's a big turn off..

WriterMom

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 5:22 pm

OP, I hear you loud and clear. If you ever want to PM please feel free. None of these decisions are easy, and when I'm overwhelmed this kind of decision seems even harder. But lots of us have been there and made it through to the other side, and I am confident you will too.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 7:08 pm

WriterMom wrote:

Thank you
~op

Frumdoc

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 8:04 pm

Can you give yourself just 10 minutes a day to sit alone and write, to spend time with yourself?
Either as a journal, online or offline blog, or even a thread here (there are some), with your little victories, bad days, or random thoughts. You time.
And keep yourself going all day looking forward to that?

Short, sweet "me time" intervals may fit into your routine better than saving up an hour for the gym, or afternoon. And enabling little breaks might help you bear the long unrelenting social time.

Try reading Susan Cain's book about introverts, I think called "quiet". It might stop you feeling so down on yourself for the personality Hashem gave you and appreciate there are many more like you out there.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 8:58 pm

Frumdoc wrote:

Can you give yourself just 10 minutes a day to sit alone and write, to spend time with yourself?
Either as a journal, online or offline blog, or even a thread here (there are some), with your little victories, bad days, or random thoughts. You time.
And keep yourself going all day looking forward to that?

Short, sweet "me time" intervals may fit into your routine better than saving up an hour for the gym, or afternoon. And enabling little breaks might help you bear the long unrelenting social time.

Try reading Susan Cain's book about introverts, I think called "quiet". It might stop you feeling so down on yourself for the personality
Hashem gave you and appreciate there are many more like you out there.

Thanks for the suggestion!
~op

WriterMom

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 10:38 pm

I have the ebook of Susan Cain's Quiet. A very good book IMHO.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Jul 17 2015, 9:50 am

OP,
There's no reason to assume Zoloft would be the drug of choice. Many of us have been on meds without gaining weight. Also, behavioral therapy might be what you need. Find a good doctor. Not being able to leave your house, not being able to stop cleaning, all the things you describe aren't typical behavior.

Chayalle

Fri, Jul 17 2015, 10:19 am

On how to find a good psychiatrist, I'm not sure who operates in the Brooklyn area, but you can try calling Relief and Echo. If they can't help you ask them to direct you.

PinkFridge

Fri, Jul 17 2015, 10:20 am

OP, I think you need to address the sensory stuff. I hope someone can give you some direction. Exposure therapy may help too.
I may be totally off target here but I think that in conjunction with some other suggestions it will really enhance your life.
Yes, there may be some sadness, and depression that needs to be address, and talk therapy will be helpful too. But I think that the most helpful therapy for you will be something cognitive, helping you deal with and maybe transcend your limitations.

Hug

ETA: I see I'm not adding much to amother 9:50 but I'm not going to delete.

Jewishmofm

Fri, Jul 17 2015, 10:54 am

An occupational therapist (OT) can diagnose and treat sensory needs. A neurologist can diagnose too, but they don't provide treatment.
Read the out of sync child (which is really for anyone with sensory difficulties).
also, if this all intensified soon after birth, it may be something to discuss with your OB. Sometimes pregnancy and birth can mess with our heads, and your OB will be discreet and able to guide you to therapy or can prescribe some meds if necessary.

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Jul 17 2015, 11:11 am

So many new words. So many reading options. Plenty research to do, aahhhhh...
Surprisingly I had a quite OK morning today with the kids but I know I'll change my tone tomorrow night after being home all shabbos with everyone. Oh well. That's life, right?

Thank you all. I really REALLY appreciate every single reply.
~op