Omg.. kid moving like molasses.... gonna go nuts

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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Bitachon101

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 11:24 am

I'm at a loss. My almost four year old shares a trait with my dh and brothers in which they get spacey and move at a pace so slow that it hurts.
Don't get me wrong they aren't slow mentally.
They are quite clever in fact but are lost in world of day dreams or who knows what.

But as a mother trying to get kid to eat, to get dressed, to go to bathroom, to get out the door etc.... It is so frustrating and I find myself going nuts and patience level dropping.

My son will stand in front of toilet for ten min after he made just day dreaming.
He doesn't listen to (or hear) prompts to move on cuz he busy day dreaming unless I yell which I prefer not to do.
Getting dressed, he can do together with me or by himself but doesn't happen cuz he just moving so slow u could lose it so I end up just doing for him cuz he's so late already...
I'm wondering how u mommies deal with this kind of stuff without having a breakdown...

Maya

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 11:26 am

I deal with this too. My son is nine. So far I haven't figured out any solution besides working on my own patience, but I have not been very successful yet...

animeme

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 11:34 am

Drives me insane. 15 minutes for a seven year old to start washing once in the shower, and a good ten to get out onto the bathmat once the water has been turned off. Another fifteen to get dressed.

Maya

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 11:39 am

If the child has a sibling, it can be easier to have them do the same activities together and then make "races" and see who gets done first. For me, it works for getting into pajamas. I need to find more ways to capitalize on that.

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 11:40 am

There is a "dreamy spacy" subtype of ADD. Not every daydreamer needs a label, but if it is really hampering his functioning, maybe there are some books, tools, or guidance available for kids like that.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 11:49 am

I had this with dd.

A big thing that helped us was time management. I had a routine to follow every morning and afternoon and a mini reward at the end. Eg. Get dressed, do hair, eat breakfast and if there is time left she can play. It was up to her if she would get playtime.
In the evening I used a 5 minute video as a reward. Eat supper, homework, bath, pjs, and then video. I made a picture schedule at first, but after a little bit she didn't need it anymore.
I also used this timer to help her understand time.
http://www.amazon.com/Learning.....+kids

She also had OT (for other reasons) and the OT was able to address this issue a bit. She woke up the muscles so everything goes a lot faster now. We still have some struggles, but it is much more manageable.

Sorry I'm anon because I've told this to a lot of people.

Rutabaga

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 11:59 am

Would a timer help?

MagentaYenta

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 12:28 pm

Time is an abstract concept to kids until they are taught to measure it. They have no idea how long five minutes is or how to estimate it. Give them the tools to understand and measure time and these situations could have a better outcome.

amother

Burlywood

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 12:58 pm

I have a 7 year old who can also get really lost, with him it's more distractions and he mostly doesn't even hear my instructions. I find counting out loud works for him. he's excited to finish before im done counting. So for example I say I'm gonna count to 10 and your socks have to be on.. He'l try get them on by 8 or so.
good luck!!

animeme

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 1:05 pm

amother wrote:

I do this. But she tends to focus on what she's doing right then and it's her favorite thing, or she completely spaces, and she forgets that anything she loves comes after it. Then she finds out she used up all her special playtime while in an empty bath and she throws a fit. Counting often works, but then I have to be there for awhile, and we're trying to get away from that.

The timer looks interesting. We've used timers before, but need one she can hear or will notice even if she's not looking at it. Will give it a try.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 1:42 pm

be a cheerleader.

really.

I stay near my child and chant, go go go. go wash your hands, go go go. now dry your hands, go go go, now sit down, now take your breakfast. eat, take another bite, eat your breakfast. come on lets go, eat your breakfast. now put your bowl in the sink. go to the sink.

seriously.

its kinda nuts, but it really works. it doesnt give her a chance to get distracted.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 2:02 pm

I understand this way too well as I deal with this with one of my kids. op, you described this so well and am also at wits end what to do. Races and timing or even warnings can help sometimes. It all depends how deep in their dreams the kid is at the moment. The more I keep on distracting their thinkings the more they remind to do their things. Is it some form of being artistic? ADD?

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 2:13 pm

amother wrote:

What do you do with your other children while you are cheering this one on?

amother

Brunette

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 2:41 pm

Luckily they are old enough to help themselves. So I call their names every so often and cheer them on too. They need some cheering as well anyway. (Go get your lunch, go get your coat, go get your shoes,etc. ) but not as much as this one. This child literally walks around the kitchen in circles until I say go do xyz.

When they were all little it was much harder. I used to say that this child needed her own personal assistant while I would help all the others. It was really hard juggling everyone while moving her along.
I did my best but those were hard years. If you could hire someone for those hours it would be a lifesaver.

amother

Beige

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 5:02 pm

My 7 year old son is exactly the same! It takes him forever to get dressed, take showers....once I can repeat myself 15 times before he brushes his teeth. I end up yelling at him way too often because of this :'( I'm really trying to work on my patience with him, he's an amazing kid otherwise

Lady Bug

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 7:17 pm

It can be a form of ADD. The key is routines. Every activity should be broken down into baby steps and clearly posted on the wall where the activity is done. In the beginning, you will need to prod along, but once the routine is established, they can work mindlessly, sort of on autopilot.

Laiya

Thu, Jul 16 2015, 7:17 pm

I feel you, OP. It's so frustrating sometimes when we're trying to get things done, or running late, and our kids just have no concept of time.

There's a flip side, though. They're seeing the world for the first time, and they still have that sense of wonder. They're creative, outside-the-box thinkers. They see possibilities everywhere. They lose track of the task, because they're too busy imagining and being awed by their surroundings. They have no sense of urgency because, well, the grown-ups take care of everything, right?

Trust me, I'm just as impatient as the next mother, but it's something I'm working on.

I thought this article expressed it very nicely:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/......html

Bitachon101

Fri, Jul 17 2015, 12:14 am

Thanks for all the replies.
Im glad I am not alone with this.
I actually use the count to ten race for getting dressed in the morning - though sometimes he says "dont count today" however usually it does snap him into focus for some time.... but getting him to the spot where he gets dressed from wherever he is distracted is a task. oh its a task.
he tunes me out. completely.
I have to sometimes physically take his hand and bring him to the couch to get him dressed. Sometimes when I do something like this he says "do knock knock to me so I can say whose there" (Cuz I one time said knock knock to get his attention... and he never forgets and loves humor)
I dont mind being a fun mom. I do mind when it makes him late and often me late too.

I also do mind also cuz the younger ds has learned to ignore me as well and never used to.
Its so so so so so frustrating.

To those talking about the concept of time being abstract... yes I get this and it has helped me semi-cope.
I have taight him somewhat about the time. Got him a digital clock and he knows how to read numbers and it helps but he doesnt get the full concept. He does know that he is taking a lot of time to do things when I tell him.
He has expressed to me that he likes to take a lot of time and work at a leisure pace.... he doesnt like to be rushed. I explain to him that it makes him be late to school/camp if he doesnt do things quickly sometimes and then he says "oh I dont want to be late" and starts to quicken a little. but its a constant struggle. and I really dont want to be a yeller - but it happens when the patience runs out and the baby also needs me at the same time and I cant be a 24-7 life coach on to one kid.

Even when im not late though.... I cant just stand by him at the bathroom to make sure he is doing his thing all the time!
I have to make supper, care for the baby, and do other things during the day too.
sometimes I find him just standing there in front of the toilet and im like "kiddo - use the toilet. dont just stand there."

I love him to pieces.... just wish he could learn how to follow his routines routinely.
(Yes he has routines- they just get forgotten about along the way....)

imaima

Fri, Jul 17 2015, 2:09 am

Are you sure they hear well? A friend of mine has a son like that and he receives therapy. He wasnt hearing well so he spaced out a lot in school and now needs therapy to unlearn this.

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