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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note
Ex-DH visiting on Tish B'Av
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amother
Beige


 

Post Sun, Jul 19 2015, 6:12 pm
Omg frantic frummie! I wish you'd teach me the skills to being such a great mom like you seem to be!
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 19 2015, 6:43 pm
I second all the posters saying what a wonderful mother you are. may you see loads and loads of nachas. please reward your daughter and tell her you are the proudest mom ever. she is the best there can be. omg she cried cause she wanted it to work out. wow what maturity. kol hakavod! I wish my dd can connect with her. and learn a thing or two. may you only see nachas. (oh btw I thought all along you were living in ey') I guess I didnt think right.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 19 2015, 6:43 pm
amother wrote:
Omg frantic frummie! I wish you'd teach me the skills to being such a great mom like you seem to be!


I spend a LOT of time davening for wisdom and patience! I'd like to say that I know lots of great parenting tricks, but really, it's all from Hashem.

Now that DD is 12, I'm giving her more space to make her own decisions, even though it's hard for both of us. Sure, it would be easy to say "Do it my way, or else.", but she can't grow and learn from that. That's not the kind of Judaism I want her to grow up with.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 19 2015, 6:44 pm
what a sigh of relief. thats what I felt and felt it through the screen literally. breath in breath out. now I can sleep in peace.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 19 2015, 6:48 pm
B"H!!!

Now, back to your packing...
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 19 2015, 6:53 pm
sourstix, we're leaving on the 28th IYH - because we don't have enough stress in our lives already, LOL.

DD is a people pleaser, and she gets really upset if she can't make both me and exDH happy, and she wants to please Hashem too. Of course, being a kid, she also wants to do what makes her happy, and often all of these things come into conflict.

My mom passed away a few years ago, and my Dad finally met a wonderful woman. The wedding was in another state, in a church, on a Saturday, and was miles away from any place that was walking distance. I tried everything I could think of, every loophole I could find, but there was just no way on earth I could make it to his wedding.

DD watched me struggle with that, and she had been looking forward to going for months. I think it gave her a real sense of what it means to be a Jew, and to stand up for your beliefs, while trying to respect everyone around you who feels differently.
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 19 2015, 8:42 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
Good news!

DD and I talked about it for a long time, and she cried and cried over wanting to do the right thing, but not knowing how. She decided she wanted to call exDH and talk it over.

Well, it turns out that his boss wants him to work late on Saturday night, so he won't arrive until late afternoon on Sunday! (he's coming from a different state, and driving up.) That means he's going to be too tired for activities when he gets here, and will probably grab some food for himself while on the road. By the time he arrives, DD will be nearly finished with the fast, so I suggested that he pick up her favorite kosher donuts for her as a treat to break the fast. That made everyone happy.

After I got off the phone, I told DD how precious a woman's tears are to Hashem, and how He heard her prayers for help. I told her "I'll bet you didn't even know you were praying, did you?" and she said "No", and I said "That's how powerful it is when you want to do the right thing - Hashem will help you find a way."

It was a stressful situation, but it turned into such a wonderful lesson and a Kiddush Hashem! Very Happy

Edited to fix typo.


What beautiful chinuch Smile
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devo1982




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 19 2015, 9:13 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
I spend a LOT of time davening for wisdom and patience! I'd like to say that I know lots of great parenting tricks, but really, it's all from Hashem.

Now that DD is 12, I'm giving her more space to make her own decisions, even though it's hard for both of us. Sure, it would be easy to say "Do it my way, or else.", but she can't grow and learn from that. That's not the kind of Judaism I want her to grow up with.


Poor kiddo, it must have been really agonizing to her to realize that she was caught between time with dad and honoring her religious obligations. It speaks very highly of the example you're setting for her and the autonomy that you're giving her that she was aware of the issues and was striving to do her best to work it all out. I'm so glad for you all that it worked out this way. May they have a good visit, and may your remaining days fly by smoothly and without disruptions or issues!
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