R' Dovid Kaplan's article in July 8 Hamodia Inyan

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 4:27 pm

Brilliant!

He speaks of the importance of a husband showing respect to the wife in front of the children.

I feel like hes been in my house since I got married and as a result decided to write this article.

youngishbear

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 4:39 pm

I can't read the image. The quality probably gets reduced when it's uploaded.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 6:14 pm

youngishbear wrote:

I can't read the image. The quality probably gets reduced when it's uploaded.

Its 2 full pages, I uploaded the image for identification purposes. Ill try to type a paragraph at a time or the highlights- he gives 10 rules - that are a checklist for husbands.

In all my years of reading articles on Shalom Bayis advice, no article Ive read was as brilliant and to the point and easy to follow for men who want to improve their Shalom Bayis, as this!

zaq

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 7:06 pm

Does the rov plan to publish a corresponding article for wives? Equal time for the other side is fair play.
Although there are already more than enough publications advising wives to respect their husbands, possibly because the lion's share of magazine articles on social relationships is addressed to women. The assumption is, I think, that women are very interested in such things and men, less so.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 7:50 pm

zaq wrote:

From what I gathered, the Rav brilliantly says if the husband does a b and c, the wife will automatically do d e and f.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Every husband should ask himself periodically, "If I were a woman how would I like to be married to me?" Me with my grouchiness, and bad moods, unreasonable demands and expectations,impatience, anger, hollering and so on. It might help to look in the mirror while doing this. Its a very sobering exercise and if youre honest youll admit to yourself that being married to you might not be as pleasant as a walk in the park on a sunny spring day. So...change what needs to be changed in order to be someoneyoud want to marry.

2. Please keep in mind that Chessed begins at home and that is your primary responsibility in this area. Harav Chaim Vital writes that if a man does Chesed with people outside the home but does not treat his wife with kindness as he should, all of the Chssed he does with others is thrown away in Shomayim. This is a particularly challenging area because we all know Chesed is easier to do and brings with it potential recognition and honor. Alas, thats just too bad- your main job is in your home with your wife.

3. A man who would like to make a bad marriage good or a good marriage better can practically be guaranteed success in this area by reading a book on marriage mussar for about 10 to 20 minutes a day. As the Mesilas Yesharim says, the reason we display bad Midos, even though we all know its not proper to do, is simply because we take our focus off it. Mussar ensures that we stay focused. The same is true for marriage. A husband can easily take histhe better wife for granted and then not treat her as she deserves simply due to his lapse of focus.

Reading a book on Shalom Bayis will help him to stay focused and he will see almost immediate be3nefits: the better her mood will be, which in turn will make it easier to treat her well, and he weill enter an upward cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was 1-3, and it goes up to 12. If anyone else has this Hamodia, perhaps they can type some of it.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 8:02 pm

I just realized, I haven't read that article yet. But this is l'shitaso. He comes down hard on the men ;-)

zaq

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 8:05 pm

If you switched the genders throughout, the article would still work.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 8:27 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

I just realized, I haven't read that article yet. But this is l'shitaso. He comes down hard on the men ;-)

I think so too, but if at the end of the day both men and women are happier, because of the changes originally instituted by the men, who cares?

Ill probably get attacked for what Im about to say. There are exceptions, but I really think women are generally more giving in the relationship and just want some warmth, approval and appreciation from their husbands.

youngishbear

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 9:04 pm

Sounds good so far. Thank you for typing it up! Now let's ask mr admin to post this on imafather... or is it abbafather?

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 9:08 pm

youngishbear wrote:

Sounds good so far. Thank you for typing it up! Now let's ask mr admin to post this on imafather... or is it abbafather?

Nine more great tips to go. Anyone else have this Inyan/Hamodia (July 8)?

agreer

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 9:08 pm

I ripped the article out and taped it onto my fridge! I loved it and wish every young man could read this before marriage.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 9:21 pm

agreer wrote:

I ripped the article out and taped it onto my fridge! I loved it and wish every young man could read this before marriage.

100+
Yup! Part of Chassan classes!

seeker

Sun, Jul 19 2015, 10:16 pm

I read it and thought, the problem is the women are the only ones in my family who bother with magazines! Tongue Out

shevi82

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 6:46 am

I am a big fan of Rabbi Dovid Kaplan. He is very on the ball and seems to always hit the point.

bigbird

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 7:19 am

I showed it to my husband and he said "his wife wrote it". Lol!

I sort of feel like there was some kind of trick to it.. Like he's waiting for the flood of letters in response and then has some sort of counteractive article in reply. Very brave to say 99% of the time it's because of husband. (I agree though!)

imasoftov

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 12:27 pm

amother wrote:

3. A man who would like to make a bad marriage good or a good marriage better can practically be guaranteed success in this area by reading a book on marriage mussar for about 10 to 20 minutes a day

Maybe we could get him to give a guest shiur to the mussar vaad from here
http://www.imamother.com/forum.....74891