WWYD Boys sleep away camp

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 7:57 pm

A friend of mine brought up this conversation and I figured I'll post it here because I wanna hear serious opinions.
What would you do if you find out that the camp where your son is going to attend will have a boy who is going for therapy after he played with other boys in a s*xual way?
Do you talk to your son about it?
Do you warn him of such dangers?
Do you keep him home?
You can't know if there are more such problematic kids in camp and how the camp deals with it

sourstix

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 8:03 pm

please dont talk oabout molestation again. I hate it. its so painful to see what comes out of it. I cant deal with this now. someone just answer and be done with this discussion. I do think you should speak with a professional if your that concerned. or speak with someone that can direct you. we are not professionals. so it will turn ugly here.

rowo

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 8:10 pm

Assuming your son knows about appropriate and innapropriate touch already. Before going away from home would seem to me to be a natural time to reinforce those ideas.
I wouldn't discuss the specifics of the situation that you know about - that kid is getting professional help. But I would talk about what to do if anything does happen.

MagentaYenta

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 8:11 pm

amother wrote:

I was a CASA volunteer for many years. It's unlikely that this boys remediation has gone through the courts or is court ordered if he is going to sleep away camp. I'd certainly address my concerns with the camp directors and have a frank conversation with your son. It's not necessary to name the fellow but it is good to address the issue in generalities, even if you didn't know a youthful offender was going to attend.

imasinger

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 8:54 pm

Regardless of this particular situation, part of today's parenting includes makng sure your children know about appropriate and inappropriate touching. Your pediatrician can probably help you, if needed.

Make sure your DS knows the basics. Let him know he can ask you any questions, talk to you at any time, and make sure he knows what other adults can help him when you aren't around.

Then, you can think about this camp.

Yes, I think you could speak to the camp director.

AYLOR, but I imagine you cannot tell DS, "don't go near X, he's in therapy for inappropriate touching." You probably can say, "while you are at camp, please remember all the important things you have learned about staying safe, and who to talk to if something happens."

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 9:08 pm

I would tell my son to stay away from that child! I would name the child and tell him why. My children can be trusted not to talk and should have every protection. Better that boy suffers from one less friend then take a risk with my son.

If my son were set on that sleep away camp I would make sure he is not in the same bunk and is never alone with that child. Alternatively I would switch camps or keep my son home.

amother

Azure

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 9:51 pm

amother wrote:

And you would do this without speaking to camp directors, just merely knowing this "fact" via gossip? Because kids can keep secrets like this?

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 9:53 pm

imasinger wrote:

THIS. You never know where or when your child might run into a situation. Better to be educated in general, than to tell him just about one kid. If anything, it could give a false sense of security to have him think that "everyone else is totally trustworthy."

Let him go and enjoy camp, as long as he is already educated in what is appropriate and what is not.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 9:56 pm

amother wrote:

Do you ever let your children out of the house? Are you aware that most abuse happens within a one block area of the home (or even in it)?

If you want to keep your children safe, educate them on safe and unsafe behaviors from people, whether they are "strangers" or family and friends. Empower your children to speak up, say "NO!", and to find trusted adults to talk to. That is the only way you can help, not by locking them in the attic all summer.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 10:05 pm

amother wrote:

And you would do this without speaking to camp directors, just merely knowing this "fact" via gossip? Because kids can keep secrets like this?

Yes I would if I believed there was a possibility the gossip is true. It is better that my child is protected. Who can count on
Camp Directors who are runnng a business? I would tell my son to stay far away and why. That child should not be allowed in a camp.

amother

Azure

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 10:13 pm

amother wrote:

Then you should take that up with the camp directors and not send your child there.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 10:15 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Where do you get your statistics from? Who says I don't let my children out of the home? I don't encourage sleep away camp because of the playing around that hours on there.

I would encourage my child to talk to me rather than an adult who might be grooming them. Zex registries work for a reason. Everyone should put their own child first and identify to them a child who is a risk to them.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 10:17 pm

amother wrote:

Then you should take that up with the camp directors and not send your child there.

If I am not going to send my child then I wouldn't discuss another child. It is only if for some reason I would send my child then I would empower my child with the knowledge the other boy is to be avoided and why.

rowo

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 10:18 pm

Empowering your child by educating him and giving him tools to deal with different situations would probably be a lot more useful than gossip and scare mongering.

No one knows which camp is being discussed here, but even if camp directors are running their camp as a money making business, they know that they can have their name dragged through the mud and their pants sued off them if they dont deal with these things properly.

MagentaYenta

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 10:22 pm

amother wrote:

I don't think empowerment means what you think it means.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jul 20 2015, 11:30 pm

I think you all got it wrong. When you send a dc to camp, you have to remind them about personal safety. Anyone can be a molester, but your dc shouldnt put themselves in the position to be an easy target. They should also be aware of abnormal behaviors and have the knowledge to report everything.

My DC overheard a horrible thing in school from a classmate. I reported it in person the next day. I was asked very honestly as to why I didnt call at night when dc told me the story. The school followed up as promised, but I never asked to change my DC's class. I didnt feel the need.

Laiya

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 12:36 am

I liked that ds's camp emailed to all parents, not just a list of things to talk to our kids about regarding these issues, but a separate document intended for camp staff. I had ds read it and told him: Look. Counselors are being told that they are not permitted to touch campers anywhere other than hands (or whatever). If your counselor does any of these things, know that he was told it's not permitted, and he is knowingly violating the camp rules. (Then tell me about it if you're concerned.)

5*Mom

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 1:09 am

amother wrote:

What would you do if you find out that the camp where your son is going to attend will have a boy who is going for therapy after he played with other boys in a s*xual way?

How old is this boy and how do you know about this?

myself

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 6:06 am

Personally I feel that telling a child to stay away from XYZ is not particularly the answer.

You need to feel confident that you son knows about appropriate and inappropriate touch and about the steps he needs to take in the event he feels uncomfortable about a situation.

What happens if another boy acts inappropriately? He might think 'well, it's not XYZ so it's probably okay'. What if there are other problematic boys in his bunk that you are not aware of? Anyone can potentially be a threat.

Call the camp director to find out whether there will be any extra supervision around this boy, and what the camp intend to do to protect the other children, and then make your decision to send or not to send. Honestly, there's no guarantee that there are no 'offenders' in any other camp so you need to be confident in your son's ability to stand up for himself and stay away from anything questionable.