I wish I could hide from the news

amother

Pewter

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 12:10 pm

My Facebook feed and my emails keep popping up with horrible stories about kids left in hot cars and I am getting so much anxiety about it. I must have checked my car 3 times today out of fear. I can't handle stories about children suffering but I can't hide from the news either. Crying

Sadie

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 12:14 pm

One trick you can do is keep your purse and cellphone in the back of the car, that way it is automatic for you to go back there every time.

debsey

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 12:17 pm

Take kid. Place in car seat. Place wallet next to him. That's my technique.....But I've been known to forget my wallet, so it's not foolproof.
I hear your anxiety, though. Mothers are so busy and overwhelmed, and it's really super-hot outside nowadays.

ra_mom

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 12:29 pm

On a related note, it is unbelievable that school buses without air conditioning are legal. The bus driver told me yesterday that the temperature aboard the bus reached 112 degrees. (he told me this when I came to pick up dd from camp, BH she didn't have to take the school bus home)

Fabulous

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 12:33 pm

yeah, I put my purse in the back. It's practice for sure when kids are in the car, but by now I usually do it even without anyone in the car because it's habit.

luvinlife

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 12:35 pm

leave one of your shoes next to your child in the back. That will really make you not forget!

Delores

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 1:26 pm

Teach children how to unbuckle and open car door as soon as they are old enough to learn.

pause

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 1:59 pm

luvinlife wrote:

leave one of your shoes next to your child in the back. That will really make you not forget!

Rina from AdverWeisers? LOL

Laiya

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 2:42 pm

They say that these tragedies are the result of 3 factors coming together: Change in daily routine (of the parent), distraction, and unusual fatigue.
Really really horrible Sad

HelloG

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 2:42 pm

I was crying when I watched a certain clip about child left in car. Still brings tears can't think abt it
I'm scared too

sourstix

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 3:54 pm

lets focus on solutions. I think the shoe thing is so good! I would definitely feel funny driving with one shoe and need to get it as its in the back and then take my child with me.

HelloG

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 4:07 pm

I know this is far fetched but I'm more worried I would rely on my husband and he'd rely on my type of thing chas vsholom
So if I grab my shoe n run in....
Also, tell me that it's not so common as they make it out to be. I mean, I'm constantly thinking of my baby....

MagentaYenta

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 4:15 pm

Delores wrote:

Teach children how to unbuckle and open car door as soon as they are old enough to learn.

So you teach a 1 year old to unbuckle and open the door. What do you do when they practice this skill while you are behind the wheel?

amother

Pewter

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 4:27 pm

Hi, I'm the OP.

Thank you all for the responses. I do feel tremendous anxiety about my own kids but it is more than that. I feel so heartbroken reading about these other kids and I know there is nothing I can do about it. It keeps popping up for me. I can't escape it. I keep wondering how long these babies suffered for. I can't stand it. In the last few days there must have been a dozen articles about this and it's so so sad.

I have so many precautions in place for this sort thing and I am still scared. If my husband ever does carpool he knows I wait for a text that he dropped off the kids. For myself, I have my set of reminders to be sure I dropped them off.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 4:37 pm

AmGold wrote:

You may constantly be thinking about your baby but that doesn't help if in your mind you are convinced that your baby is at the babysitter.

I was freaking out the entire way home today. I left my car at work and my husband picked me up to go elsewhere. On the way back he dropped me off at work to pick up my car. I left work with the baby. That NEVER happens EVER. I was TERRIFIED I'd forget particularly because she was sleeping most of the way. Thank God it didn't happen but was really scary. Usually it's my husband that drops her off and picks her up and he seems uninterested in trying these methods. Insists he wont forget her. I'm terrified of it happening too.

amother

Pewter

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 6:42 pm

amother wrote:

can you text the babysitter every morning to verify your baby is there?

My husband indulges my OCD and sends me a text if he ever drops off the kids. He knows that if he doesn't I will have a freak attack.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 7:15 pm

I should be embarrassed to even post this but I am super nervous about this, because I actually have left my baby in the car. (2 different babies 2 different times).

I can't even begin to describe my feelings of inadequacy and horror at myself.

B"H a million times over that the timing was not mid summer.
One was actually close to winter. as someone said upthread it was a new schedule for me, I was doing something different,, and he was sleeping. I had to go the dr. to pick up some papers. I must have been there about 10 minutes and when I got back to the car I suddenly saw him still sleeping in the car seat. I was shaking. But it was like november time and was pretty cool outside, so b'h the car was not warm but not ice. I was very lucky. And promised that this would never happen again.

Well it didn't with him, but my next kid it did. Aslo- new schedule, change of routine.. not used to having a baby with me (he was very little).

THis was better, because I remembered on my own. I went out of the car to go shopping. But I had to walk about a block. When I got in front of the store I noticed a lady pushing her stroller and I was thinking "oh it's so annoying to have to shop with a baby". Suddenly my head cleared and it was like omg I also have a baby! Ran back to the car like a lunatic and got her...Was mid october and coolish weather, and was only about 3 minutes. But still I wonder what would have happened had I not seen this lady.
HAshem was very good to space cadet me..

But I am always so nervous it can happen again.
Oh and I am so spacey that I would totally leave my wallet/pocketbook in the back if it's not right next to me. (The only thing is that I would likely need it wherever I'm going so I'll have to go back and get it, but that is not good enough).

The shoe idea sounds good but I find it so hard to drive like that I don't know why.

I think that I will try it though next time iyy'h I have a newborn.

please don't throw tomatoes. I know I was terrible and wrong.

Some people are really really truly spaced out. I have been the absentminded professor my whole life.

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 7:46 pm

Pumpkin, does your spaciness affect other areas in your life? Because I was seriously considering ADD meds to help myself cope better when I noticed my distractibility affecting my kids. I'll swallow some pills to keep my kids safe...

seeker

Tue, Jul 21 2015, 9:33 pm

AmGold wrote:

The whole point is NOT to grab your shoe and run in; the point is that you go to the back seat for your shoe and take your kid out first.

Pumpkin amother, definitely get this checked out. If you feel that you are often absentminded, there may be things to do about it.

The person who said they confirm by text with DH after drop-off is very smart. Children have two parents and I think it is totally responsible for the parent who is not with them at a time to check in with the parent who is with them (my DH would disagree but my opinion would still hold. He doesn't like being nagged and feels distrusted but I don't see it as a trust issue, I think you can never be too sure when it comes to your kids' needs)

At many day cares and preschools the policy is that if a child doesn't show up by a certain time and they haven't heard from the parent, they call the parent to see what's going on. This seems like a very good, responsible idea that could avoid a lot of problems. Half the time it'll be something like they stayed home and forgot to call, or left late and just didn't get there yet, but if there was some kind of mix-up this would help.

Finally, it is totally true that facebook makes us much more aware of tragedies than we used to be. And yes it does contribute to anxiety for many people. If this is an issue for you (anxiety, not leaving kids in cars) then consider leaving facebook or at least unsubscribing from certain people and pages who tend to post this stuff. Sometimes you start thinking there must be something terribly wrong with the world that suddenly there are so many more tragedies than ever before - but the reality is that there are probably about the same amount as there have ever been, just the world is shrinking. 20 years ago there were probably a similar amount of people affected by accidents, drowning, illness, suicide, etc, but you never heard of most of them - many were reported only in their local newspapers and radio, and even the ones local to you you'd skim the news and only catch half of it. Now if something happens across the country from you and someone writes a compelling blog post about it, not only do you hear about it but it appears in your newsfeed 5 times, and sometimes with different titles/pictures so you don't even realize it's the same one. Some people are OK with this, and for some people it's just not healthy. Sounds like you are in the latter group. That's OK. I think it's only human to be disturbed by this and it is OK to try to shield yourself to an extent. It doesn't mean hiding in a cave but it probably means unsubscribing from HuffPost and other "friends."

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jul 22 2015, 2:32 am

amother wrote:

That doesn't work because I never know when he plans on bringing her. We had odd work schedules. On days I'm working and he's home he can bring her any time of day. On days I'm home I don't usually take her but when I do I go out special to take her so not likely something I'd forget. Yesterday was the first time I felt at risk for it. If I were to go shopping I'd wait for her to wake up before going so wouldn't be sleeping and not easy to miss so usually not an issue.