Please help me | Imamother

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 27 2015, 6:39 pm

Going back to my comment on empathy - I just do a visualization of what it must be like to be in a tiny body that can't reach anything "fun" (I.e. dangerous). I don't have enough language skills to express myself fully, and I don't have fully developed impulse control. I scare myself when I get angry because I don't know how to stop it. I have no sense of time, so I don't know how long mom or dad will be gone, or if they are ever coming back. The world is terrifying!

The only thing I can do is try to enforce order into my world, and that means arguing and being bossy. When that doesn't work, I'm out of options, and so I have a melt down, which just makes me feel even worse.

I crave boundaries, even though I'm going to fight them tooth and nail. I crave love, but sometimes I need to act independent and push you away. I might even trying to say "I hate you!", just to see what will happen. I want you to say "I know you do right now, but I love you anyway."

I want you to say things like "I know you want a cookie. I wish I could give you one right now, but a good mommy needs you to wait for dinner." Rinse, repeat. Acknowledge that you hear my wants, even if you can't give them to me. Feeling heard is half the battle.

I want you to tell me when I'm doing something RIGHT. I need that so much! Give me positive attention when you see me get frustrated and NOT hit. Tell me you're proud of me when you see me waiting patiently for something, or when I DON'T run around in the grocery store.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen DD in a puddle of misery on the floor, and thought "Poor baby, it must be so hard to be 2 (or 3, or 4)." Know that your child is not doing this to make your life harder, it's just that your child has such a hard time growing up and meeting adult expectations.

*BTW, all the above advice works equally well with preteens. I should know, DD is 12 right now, and we're going through the exact same thing!*